Hello and welcome to Saturday, the only day of the week where we open our eyes and seriously question our life choices.

I mean, some of you are probably doing that other days as well, but on Saturdays you have the luxury of staying in bed while you do it!

As is our custom, we will begin by sussing out the fresh meat; If you’ve no idea why it’s so important to me (and my future legal team) that new readers be identified before they continue any further, you aren’t familiar enough with the glorious history of Not Exactly Motivational posts to continue without clicking that link.  But!  As a reward, when you come back from catching up on the (quick) story and all the past posts?  You’ll be one of the cool kids and you’ll know that our current theme is beloved children’s stories.  The rest of you may proceed in the usual fashion.

Motivate me!

I’ve got gore on my mind, y’all. 

You’ve been warned. 

If you’re here looking for Saturday “motivation,” you’ve come to the right place!  If you have no idea why “motivation” is in quotes, or why there’s a warning above it, you’re new and need to be properly indoctrinated—materials are available at your friendly neighborhood Not Exactly Motivational link.  Once you’re all caught up and officially One Of Us, you can come back.  We’ll wait.

Motivate me!

Good morning,* Saturday “motivation” seekers!  Last night was my first night of haunting in almost a year, so I’m still sleeping it off… in fact, I had to write this up and schedule it before I left, so everyone cross your fingers and wish really hard that it went well and plenty of people paid good money for their tickets only to quit after wetting themselves in fear.

This week, I’m continuing my flagrant abuse of the malpracticing Dr. Seuss, because I wanted to keep up my theme of quotes from beloved children’s stories and… you know, most of his prose just sends my brain to a dark and Halloween-y place, frankly.  If you’ve got no clue why that’s a thing or what such rubbish would be doing on a blog ostensibly devoted to… let’s see… wow.  Actual conversations with my husband?  Goodness, I should really stop talking to that guy if I’ve made an entire blog out of mocking him, right?  Whatever.  If you’re as confused as I am, go ahead and click this here Not Exactly Motivational link.  You can also find one at the top of any page of the blog—right near the About Us page, if you’re so used to this fuckery that you’ve forgotten what I’m supposed to be doing the rest of the week.  I know I have.  Then continue in the usual fashion; bonus points if you remember what those sharing buttons at the bottom are for!

Motivate me!