Don’t Panic


Sending Offspring off forever + avoiding family drama = very little time for my life’s true purpose—baring it all for you and the rest of the internet. 


red "censored" stamp


So apologies, but you’re gonna get some quickies for a while.  Hey, if Husband can live with it, so can you!


Don’t stop now – keep reading!


Bedroom Stuff


I woke up this morning—as I do most mornings, honestly—to a call from my friend Alexis.  Yes, I’m one of those people who talks to her long-distance bestie almost every day.  I know, you wish you were her but that’s not what we’re here to talk about so please try to contain your envy at this woman who not only gets her updates more than twice a week but has an uncanny knack for calling me when I’m naked.

speachless stick guy meme


I have a point and I’d like to get to it, if you don’t mind.


Don’t stop now – keep reading!

Our Test Flight


Offspring went on a mini-break with some friends—paintballing, Call of Duty, Axis and Allies*… basically a war games long weekend—giving me and Husband a chance to test drive this thing without him.  See how we get on when it’s just the two of us.  Make sure our marriage won’t be a casualty of the infamous Empty Nest Syndrome.


I’m glad to report it seems we actually like each other after all.


Friends Phoebe and Joey "That is brand new information!"



We did learn a few things the first couple of days that were surprising.


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Monkey Do (NEM #84)


Told you I wasn’t quitting forever. #smug


As you sit, warm and snug and—if you’re truly living your best life, drunkover—I am hiding in the basement trying to ignore the horrors my menfolk are perpetrating above me.  They are, in fact, dismantling Christmas.  I am writing to you from last night, through a haze of tears as I contemplate the prospect of a parlour without a tree, a mantle without stockings, windows without cheery candles to welcome weary travelers to the hospitality we would, in theory, provide.  (I mean, I’ve never really found a weary traveler on my doorstep who wasn’t expected, but I like to think that as long as my candles are burning I’d bring them in; feed them, shelter them… try to ignore their canned-air and baby vomit airplane smell.)


In short, today I need a little motivationality.  Good thing I have some saved up, right?


For those of you who aren’t yet used to this… I’m sorry.  Also, it’s sort of this secret club thing, so you will have to swear your undying loyalty, take a blood oath, and also click this link to learn what Not Exactly Motivational is all about—you know, the history, our mission, why the actual post is after the jump… but not why I stopped updating regularly because, as I’ve just realized, I was too fucking lazy to put that bit in there.  Damn.  I’ll have to add that.  Later.  When I’m done killing zombies, because that’s how I’m working through my feelings about what’s happening upstairs.  For those of you who already know the drill, spare a thought for me while you continue on in your usual fashion, won’t you? 


Motivate me!