Don’t Think I Won’t

 

Offspring has been deployed.

 

To Afghanistan.

Marge Simpson scowls, growling

 

Imagine my joy.

 

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Tucking and Unfucking

 

For everyone else in the northern hemisphere, summer is getting its last licks in.

(Addams Family Values) blond white girls lined up in matching orange suimsuits stand on a dock; Wednesday Addams stands out in her old-fashioned black swimming costume. Text reads, "Everyone's like summer's going too fast and I'm over here like when's Halloween"

For me, haunt season is looming.  Plans are being made, supplies purchased, and I’m soaking up as much of Husband’s time and attention as I can get while we’re still on the same schedule.

 

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Demon Rights

 

Offspring recommended Detroit: Become Human so of course I fired it up… and binged that shit so hard; I finished faster than I think I’ve ever finished any game of any genre.  I laughed, I cried, I was extremely uncomfortable—I became the leader the Android Rights movement needed.

(Detroit: Become Human) 3 android figures

Shown: thankful androids

 

Which makes it all the more awkward to report that I may have to chuck that damned Demon Box in the bin.

 

She’s getting too uppity, you know?

 

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Potato Potantso

 

This is how little sense he makes: he actually believes that grocery shopping is fundamentally different from grocery shopping.

 

I know, right?  I mean… honestly, I deserve some sort of award for putting up with that sort of lunacy day in and day out for as long as I have.

golden cup-style trophy with the word SHIT etched in; plaque reads, "in recognition for all the shit you put up with"

Do you have one full of chocolates instead?

 

 

Thankfully I have you, and you agree with me, so that’s alright then.

woman raises hand, confused expression, says, "wait, what was that?"

 

I see we have some new readers with us today.  Doubters.  People who haven’t been with us on this long journey and therefore will demand an explanation.  Fine, I’ll catch you up.  But for the dedicated reader, go ahead and skip to the bottom—I’ll leave something fun down there just for you, since I know you understand me without having to slog through all this.

 

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vs. The Vacuum

 

What with one thing and another, we’ve been making heavy use of professional pet sitters recently (I found a service that lets me book online, without ever speaking to another human, but still sends the same actual human every time to take care of my furry darlings; basically, it’s the antisocial control-freak’s ideal and every business should adopt this model) which exposed a few unkempt corners around the house as well as kicking up a few dustbunnies within my psyche.

 

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