I hinted at this before, but our first step in preparing the aquarium for Dibs’s arrival was to stock it with live plants[1] and a little community of fish—some friends and some food—to live with him. This was more complicated than it might seem, since I wasn’t interested in watching a fishy massacre play out but I wanted the “food” fish to be safe to eat.[2]
Ehhhh…
The shopping blitz is upon us, I’ve just got the kitchen clean,[1] and I’m about to spend this whole week baking for a party this weekend.
Can we take a momentary break from the usual themed posts and just do a sort of general State of the Fam update?
Why are you getting a Thursday post this week? Because if you’re too busy fighting with your racist uncle to Internet today you’ll see it just fine on Friday, and I want to reward those of you who are refusing to engage with family today.
You are the real heroes.
Note for Canadians and other non-US persons: This post is mostly for YOU. Because I know you’re sick of the entire internet being about our gluttonous holiday.[1]
Offspring escapes Afghanistan this week. This means I was forced to go days without hearing from him at all whilst he quickly handed off vital information to the next team[2] and I quietly[3] prepared for the holidays, but it also got me thinking back to when he left.
I have no way of knowing how many of you are in a position to send care packages, but I highly recommend it.
Sure, shipping costs will amount to more than the value of the actual items, but it’s the easiest way I’ve found to become a hero to someone you love (and a lot of people you’ll never meet.)
I, naturally, put together the Best Care Package Evah for Offspring. I meticulously listed and photographed everything as I put it in the giant box, with the intent that he would photograph the condition of his treats on arrival and we could then report on which items ship best and which you could maybe pass on in favor of something more durable.
He opened the box in front of them.
Most everything was gone within the hour.
So copy my list at your own risk! And be aware that if you send The Best Care Package Evah your loved one might not get any of the actual treats.
Unless, maybe, they live with humans and not wolverines.
Shall we dive in?
If you’re anything like my husband, you’re getting sick of all the turtle talk[1] and ready for a change of subject. Thus it is time to address, in that sideways fashion reserved for ongoing legal dramas, The Other Thing.[2]
“So what,” you ask, fundamentally fed up with all this stalling, “do you need such a whacking great tank for?”
Would you believe I just want a nice space to grow new plants?
To fulfill a promise made to itty bitty me.
Basically, it’s very expensive therapy.[1]
It’s not, as you’ve probably guessed, a baby shark.
For one thing, I’m not an idiot and I know that baby sharks grow into adult sharks[1] who deserve way more space than I’m prepared to provide.[2]
But leaving Offspring guessing about what I was plotting here while he nobly battles red tape and ignorance in support of… whatever it is we’re doing over there. I’ve honestly forgotten.
So have they.
