His Fluffer

 

As I mentioned last week, my friend’s epic birthday party gave us an excuse for a mini road trip. 

 

I know some people avoid long drives, but our relationship more or less began in the car—that sounded dirty, but I swear only everything else I say is—and so for us a long drive is like a repeat of that first date.

 

Which is why I’m not going to tell you about Audrey’s party—you’ll get nothing from me on the beautiful food (tapas, because she’s adulting on a whole ‘nother level) or how drunk I got or the demonstrations from an even drunker ER nurse that had us all laughing until someone spilled red wine (which was weird, because we were all drinking vodka.)

 

Instead, I want to share yet another of our car convos, because I feel we are at our most us when we’re trapped in a car all day. 

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

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Search Terms (Fall 2018 Edition)

 

My house is legally uninhabitable.

 

I’m being threatened by Meth Ghosts.

 

I’m still tripping over and dodging around boxes, and am beginning to feel like my best-case scenario will be one in which I’m mostly unpacked when it’s time to call the movers next year.

 

Now feels like a good time to take another look at the search terms, doesn’t it?

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

Actually, He’s a Dick

 

I know you’ve been waiting to hear about all the exciting repairs going on around my house but I’ve got to be honest with you: I’m still trying to get them to understand that having a door that doesn’t open is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Crazy Pills

 

Seriously—and here I’m going to deviate from my intended topic, which is the Official Inspection, to tell you about the “handyman” they sent by to deal with: 1) a back door that doesn’t open, 2) a gate that doesn’t close, and 3) an outlet that doesn’t work. 

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!