I just want to note that nobody—not one of you—asked if I got to the airport safely.
I mean, obviously I did, but… where’s the love?
Especially since, according to the demon box, my city has been under a flood warning every single day for almost two weeks.*
But the drive itself was uneventful.
Don’t stop now – keep reading!
Set aside your fears of girl power* and grunge, because the time has come to reveal my favorite deleted scenes from Captain Marvel, a film which features:
As always, these are deleted scenes, so if you haven’t seen the film yet (totally understandable, I won’t judge… unless you wait another week, then I’m judging you like woah) you won’t find any spoilers here.
I still haven’t forgiven Jake for spoiling The Force Awakens;*** I would never do that to you.
Our actual anniversary is in December, which is perfect for us because of my love for the holiday season, hot chocolate, and letting other people throw my party.*
It would be rude.
But spring—according to some dead poets—is the season of rebirth and romance. I’ve never noticed, because I have eyeballs and can see that the trees are still bare and everything is dripping, but maybe all the Great Poets are blind?**
Regardless, spring is more or less here and I—in the spring of my fifteenth year of marriage to a man who tricked me into marrying him—am realizing I still don’t know him at all.
One of our favorite things—which you’d probably never guess unless you really know us—is stupid people and the shit they do for our entertainment.
Specifically, we will mockwatch* conspiracy shows,** documentaries about epic failure… whatever Netflix generously provides for our consumption. (And it’s a lot. Someone go thank them for all the good work they do—I’m busy drunk watching some bridezilla bitches scream about sequins)
I’m torn.
On the one hand, I promised you a return to the usual—read, the fun and the funny—today.
But on the other hand… I have different fingers.
I also kind of want to get real about something here, or at least explain why last week was so rough.*
And maybe—maybe—offer some real advice.
Some of you will by now have noticed that I don’t have the usual scheduled post up today, and well done you—you’re ready for that detective badge, just march in and take it!
Yes, I have noticed that it’s Friday but I’ve also had a shit week and things are weird around here and I’m just not up for it so this is what you’ve got. Me, here, saying, “halloo, I’ve had a shit week so can I take a pass? Thanks.”
I’ll see you next week. Same bat time, same bat channel. Promise.
