It’s been a while, hasn’t it, since I did a nice long random?
No, I mean—yes, I know all of my posts are long and a bit random, shut up—but what I meant was those Conversations which offer you a brief backstage pass to our lives. Or, in this case, a backseat pass.
Don’t stop now – keep reading!
Husband was late for work the other day; he’d somehow managed to leave the headlights on and of course the battery went dead and he had to wait for roadside assistance.
Did anyone else see Venom this week? I mean, some of you probably saw it last weekend, but I was busy making children cry and getting yelled at by their parents (that’s a whole ‘nother post) so I had to do it on a weeknight.
Since I know you’ll ask, here are my notes:
Husband’s godawful cat has declared war on my sleeping hours, and I’m pretty sure the things she’s doing would shock even the most depraved dictator.
Oooh, we haven’t done one of these in a while, have we?
Bet you thought I’d forgot all about our dirty little secret. Ha! Not possible; trust me, there’s no way to scrub my browser history clean at this point—Google is convinced I’m a deviant (fair enough) and possible serial killer and if I’m not on all the watchlists it’s only because I’m so freakin’ pale they’re sure I’m a vampire and so are afraid of stepping on that agency’s toes. Besides, I still had some saved up. Why didn’t I post them? Well…
It’s like that thing where people die of dehydration in the desert, and they’re found with water still in their canteens, you know? I only have so many and I knew I had lost enthusiasm for the project. I didn’t want to post what little I had and risk having nothing left, ever. But then I had a thought, and here we are.
Some of you are totally lost. This is because today—and for the first time ever—I “publicized” a Not Exactly Motivational post. Links were put up on Twitter and Facebook, which I never did before because I sort of liked the Saturday NEM’s being a secret thing just for people who like them. But for what I want to do, I need input. So if you’re new, click that link and get caught up—if this isn’t your thing, stick around during the week and don’t worry: disturbing images are always kept off the front page. You never noticed them before, right? But if this is totally your thing, please take a moment to click the like button and also give me some feedback below. Because I’ve got that Toomuch Disease, and never know how much is too much until someone’s looking at me like I just ate a kitten at a child’s birthday party.*
Confession: I am not as young as I used to be.
If I’m being completely honest with you, I was probably never as young as I was, except when I was older than I was.
I just read that back and realized the only way it makes sense is if you too have been lying about your age your whole life. If that’s you, congratulations! You’ve found your people. If not… try to keep up, because that wasn’t even my point and it’s only going to get weirder.
If you know me at all—and you’re here now, so you might as well settle in and learn somethin’—you know this is my time.
Which is to say I’ve been getting crazy busy with other things lately and totally neglected to explain how it was that I came to have someone in my house while I was catching up on housework while listening to my two soul mates tell me about all the ways I’m totally going to get murdered.*
Let me catch you up a li’l, k?
