Congratulate me: I finally got a whole grown-up weekend away with my dreamy husband!
(This post will run a bit long, because I’m trying NOT to show you every damned picture I took and also show you what I’ve been up to this week – which necessitates rambling, because my brain is full of ferrets, and those ferrets have ADHD.)
Cool thing: we actually left the dogs with my former calc professor – who just loves them to bits – dropping them off on pi day. (NERD ALERT!) Naturally, I needed to take her an actual pie, even though she gave me a B.
ME: (still stewing in the front seat) I can’t believe they did that.
HIM: I should have stayed with them while you went.
ME: A______ asked what flavor it was
HIM: Dutch apple, dog spit, and regret
ME: (turning around) BAD DOGS!
But the dogs and the pie story were well-received and we set off on our long-ass drive, in which I learned just how spotty America’s 4G coverage really is. No surprise to you, I’m sure, but I am a City Girl and the vast swaths of Nothing Here, Really and Oh, Look, A Farm Or Something had me bored enough to ask “are we there yet?” about two hours into our six hour drive.
I won’t bore you with the every-destination-and-photo report on our weekend, but I must tell you that I met the new love of my life at a renovated speakeasy:
I may or may not have propositioned the waitress who kept bringing these to our table. I DEFINITELY professed my love for ginger ale’s sexier cousin.
Aside from the nightmare that was the hotel elevator (actively tried to kill me, I swear) and the horrors of suicidal cyclists and restaurants where the wait staff seem totally unfamiliar with the concept of actually walking up to a table and serving customers, we had a really lovely time. All in all, it was a great weekend and he only once reverted to form
ME: What’s the weather forecast? Have you checked?
HIM: (without looking up from his book) 50’s and cloudy
ME: So you looked?
HIM: No, just guessing.
ME: (considers) Okay, but is this a bullshit guess or an “angle of the sun” guess?
ME: (checks phone weather app, tosses phone in disgust)
ME: Shut up.
HIM: What is it?
ME: 52 and overcast.
ME: Fuck you.
HIM: (sets book aside) Okay!
ME: Not an offer!
Eventually, of course it was time to return home. Between the behind-the-scenes aquarium tour and a friend’s pictures, I came home with a burning desire to acquire a duck and a turtle. Naturally, my friends rallied around the duck idea, though Husband was not sold.
HIM: Our back yard is really noisy; I don’t think a duck would like it.
ME: We could put the pond in the front yard.
HIM: No, that wouldn’t work
HIM: … It would be bad. For drainage.
HIM: Because…. Can you just trust that it would be?
ME: Because I think you’re making it up, this ‘drainage’ thing. Because you don’t want me to get a duck.
And so it went, with a few of our friends pointing out other Duck Realities that had me torn. As far as I’m concerned, the duck issue was still up for debate when we took our hounds out to the dog park today.
ME: Hey, we managed a trip to the dog park without them wallowing in the mud!
HIM: Yeah…. Good thing we don’t have a duck pond in the back yard.
ME: Shut up.
HIM: Just do me a favor? If you do get a duck, don’t pick it up in a dungeon.
ME: STOP IT!
HIM: You should know better, that’s all.
ME: I hate you.
I may cave on the duck issue, gentle reader, but I’m getting a goddamned turtle. And, after this duck thing? He won’t have enough fight left in him to stop me.