A while back, when I was posting about his snoring (he does, you guys, he snores and it’s loud and impossible to sleep through) I included in the post an image of an angry woman sitting up in bed and glaring at her partner. The caption was something about how I could end him with a pillow.
You’ll be happy to know that Husband was not offended by this. (He actually enjoys this blog very much, and will sometimes go back and reread past conversations, laughing at himself all over again.) No, Husband chose to view my very real threat of violence as humorous, and has since adopted it for his very own.
HIM: Those people are really old. I hope I live to be that old.
HIM: I’ll probably have to stop snoring, huh?
HIM: good thing I don’t snore!
ME: (side glare)
HIM: good thing there’s not a pillow in the car, or you’d have ended me right there, huh?
Yes, he still claims he doesn’t snore. Because there’s no joke so old that it fails to amuse him. I’ve accepted this fact of his personality, because I love the whole package, and because it’s the reason he can take my death threats and turn them into inside jokes.
HIM: Whu? I’m right here.
ME: Yes, and you’re SNORING. So, you know, do something about that.
HIM: (smashes pillow over his face) Better?
ME: For now.
But at least he’s mostly responsive! Even if he doesn’t remember these conversations the next day (oh, he reads through them and laughs at how “funny” he is and how “clever” he is even in his sleep, but will tell anyone who asks that I make up 100% of these exchanges) he does generally wake enough to respond and follow simple instructions. Generally.
ME: (poke poke poke)
ME: Roll over. You’re snoring.
HIM: (huffs) I can’t roll over.
ME: You’re snoring. Roll. Over.
ME: Oh? How’s your neck?
HIM: (rolls over)
See? It’s all about communication.