Naked Curfew is Strictly Enforced…. Sort of.

Husband and I recently implemented a “naked curfew” (thanks to this brilliant comment over at Ask a Manager) and I cannot recommend this enough.

However.  The first night?  Did not go smoothly.

Because we live in the Great White North and even though it is technically springtime we were having high winds and expecting snow.

I, as I may or may not have mentioned, am desert-bred, and do not take well to this fuckery.

 

Elsa singing "the cold never bothered me anyway"

Shown: not me.

(in bed that first night)

ME:  Snuggle!
HIM:  Cold!
ME:  I know, warm me up!
HIM:  Every night you come to bed and you’re like, “my name is Logolept,* and I like warm hugs!”
ME:  (shoves feet under his legs to warm them)

 

Cartoon - if you loved me you'd warm my feet/I'd love you if your feet weren't so cold

Actual Conversation

 

Oh, but first?  There was awkward.

See, we have a teenager.  Because I got my baby-making out of the way when I was young enough to bounce right back from it, like a clever person.  Anyway, Offspring’s internet is turned off at 9pm because we’re not idiots and we know what teenage boys will do with the internet if they’re allowed to have unlimited access at all hours. **

However.  Offspring is clever and resourceful*** and will often check Husband’s computer just after we go to bed; if it’s locked, then the poor boy must do without internet until it turns back on tomorrow afternoon, but if Husband forgot to lock it, then Offspring will spend many hours at that computer and will be late for school in the morning.

So it was that, on the night we first implemented Naked Curfew, Husband realized that he needed Advil and paused in the undressing to go deal with that.  I finished nakeding and was standing near the door when he re-entered…. with Offspring standing in the hallway right behind him.unsee button

Embarrassment all around.  Such awkward.

I raced for our en-suite bathroom, Offspring took off down the hall, Husband quickly shut the door, but the flashing had happened and that poor boy absolutely saw me naked for the first time since he was teeny and started to develop that sense of modesty.

I blamed Husband, for opening the door like that.

 

ME:  Why would you open the door like that?
HIM:  Why were you standing in front of it?
ME:  Why was he standing right there?
HIM:  I asked him the same thing.  Probably checking my computer.
ME:  Well, that’ll teach him!
HIM:  You can’t just go around teaching people a lesson with your boobs.

 

The second night, we had fresh snow.  A lovely blanket of spring snow.  After a full day of freezing rain.

I really need to fly south directly after Christmas.

Anyway, I was coming to bed and doing the undressing, but it was so cold that I had to add a fuzzy socks exception to the Naked Curfew.

ME:  God, it’s so cold in here!  (runs to Husband for warming)
HIM:  You left the blinds open, so now it’s cold in here. ****1
ME:  Oh, pfft.  That has nothing to do with it.  It’s-
HIM:  It DOES.  Radiant heat loss is directly proportional to the difference of the fourth power of-
ME:  (walks away)

 

teleporting away from boring conversation

Because I can’t do this…. yet.

 

 

 

*Clearly not my name, but this word is looking for a good home.  Someone adopt it, please?

**Yes, I know there’s nothing stopping him from doing these things the rest of the time, other than the possibility that his parents could wander in at any moment looking for the person who was supposed to rake the yard.

***Parent Code for “a sneaky little bugger”

****See how he blames me when clearly the snow was the problem?

  1. Holy shit, that’s a lot of footnotes, isn’t it?
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2 comments on “Naked Curfew is Strictly Enforced…. Sort of.

  1. Haha. Houseful here. I wouldn’t dare go naked…they never knock before they enter my room…jaysis!!

    Like

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