The Waiter is Judging Us

Husband is traveling on business this week, and I’ve gone along with him again because I need a break, dammit.

There’s a teenager in the house, and as previously discussed, there was some recent awkward.  Add in that I’m sick of the cold and the gray, and the only logical thing was for me to go away with my man.

To an even colder, grayer city.  Because I am an idiot.


rain on a window

“At least it’s not snowing!” -actual thing people are saying to me

But we’ve been finding some really great restaurants, including this gem from the first night, where I got the most amazing macaroni and cheese (it really is the simple things that are most often poorly executed, but this was good).

Then the waiter returned to offer us dessert or the bill, and….


ME:  (pleasant conversation with the Waiter*)
HIM:  Oh, and could you split the check?  (gesturing)
WAITER:  (pause) Of course.  (judgmental look as he’s leaving)
ME:  He’s totally judging you for that.
HIM:  (laughing) Probably, but we need to do it!  And he’ll see, when I give him the cards, that they’re both in my name.
ME:  Ooh, I know!  When he gets back, you should pay for mine and I should pay for yours.
HIM:  (confused) But I have both of those cards in my wallet.
ME:  It would be cute.
HIM:  No, he’ll see that both cards have my name and it’ll be fine. (takes out our card and the corporate card which he must use for Reasons)
ME:  Maybe….
WAITER:  (returns with both checks, shoots me brief look of pity) Here you go
WAITER:  (opens folder and offers both for Husband’s perusal)
HIM:  Okay, this one on this card and this one on that card (places cards in appropriate pockets)
WAITER:  (glances at me again, leaves)
ME:  He didn’t notice.
HIM:  No, but he will when he runs them.
ME:  Maybe….
WAITER:  (returns with two pens for the two receipts)
WAITER:  (to me) Have a lovely evening.  We hope to see you soon. (eyes say, “with someone else next time, maybe?”)
ME:  (watching Waiter walk away) He didn’t notice.
HIM:  Nope.
ME:  He is judging you, and he feels sorry for me.


Not that we particularly care about the opinion of the waiter we will never see again, but still!  Husband was much confused over what the big deal could possibly be, which only proves that he is an engineer and engineers are not really people-people.  People persons.  Whatever.


ME:  He was so nice, until you did that.  At least he still likes me.
HIM:  I don’t know what the big deal is.  Other places understand putting the check on two cards, and the corporate card issue.
ME:  I don’t think a lot of business travelers eat there.
HIM:  Okay, but there are other reasons to split the check, especially on a date.
ME:  …
HIM:  Maybe he just thought I was too old to be dating?
ME:  I think he thought you were too old to go on a date with a woman and not pay for her loaded mac & cheese.
HIM:  They were both my card!


animation of the point flying overhead


So it’s cold and dreary and other people have made mistakes that caused him to improvise on the (whatever, I’m barely listening) thing he’s doing here.  And there’s drama back at the office, because someone moved the cheese and now engineers don’t want to do the New Thing because they want to keep doing things The Way They Always Have.  At least we’re together, and the mirrored closet doors are right next to the bed, so I think our marriage can survive the clouds and tourists and the conference calls and the drama.

I’m sure I’ll write more while we’re here, because telling you about it is almost as good as having you with me, only you can’t see the necklace I bought.


You would tell me it’s fabulous, and that I absolutely needed it.



*about the cheese sauce, which did not have white wine but got a little something from the tomatoes and the fact that it was cooked in a cast iron skillet.  I will be trying this at home with my own favorite recipe

9 comments on “The Waiter is Judging Us

  1. It’s pissing down rain here and I’m wondering what to cook for dinner..I’d rather be there where I can just order my food and leave the table without having to clear it when I’m finished…oh and no washing up…oh and wine…oh oh oh…and a new necklace. Don’t even ask for sympathy from me!!


  2. weebluebirdie says:

    These snippets are fab. The two of you have clearly been together for some time because they reek of that candour which comes with the detail of the mundane – in a good way! I would share some of ours, but he’s sulking at the moment, so a bit short on banter. 😉


  3. josypheen says:

    I think that anyone that acts weird because you split a bill can bugger right off. I don’t think that it is embarrassing even if they weren’t both his cards!

    My husband I and normally take turns to pay on date night (although admittedly, his turn tends to land on pricier venues!!) If a waiter was confused that I’m paying I’d be well unimpressed…

    Liked by 1 person

    • josypheen says:

      I just realised that “bugger off” might be a bit of a British saying, but hopefully you’ll understand that I was being mildly sweary! 🙂 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nope, we use it here too. Well, at least in this house. Goodness, I hope everyone else is using it too! Y’all are taking every opportunity to say “bugger off,” aren’t you? Or at least “bugger it”? Bugger in general… the word is out there, and I insist that it be used liberally.

        Liked by 1 person

        • josypheen says:

          Oooh yay that it’s more universal. I don’t think I have ever heard it on American TV shows, so I thought it might be a British/Aussie swear word!


    • I’ve honestly never gotten any reaction before (at least, none that I noticed) when we do this. Generally he pays (it’s all shared money, but his card is easier to reach and he likes using it) when we’re out together but even when it’s somehow on me to do the paying I do so cheerfully and if there’s a flicker on an older server’s face it’s quickly doused by my matter-of-fact approach to the thing. Maybe this guy would have felt differently had I not been sitting there, clearly not reaching for my purse? Maybe he saw Husband’s ring but not mine and drew some interesting conclusions?

      Who can say? I’m certainly not going back to ask him.

      Liked by 1 person

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