(a blatant Mil Millington ripoff)
I cannot reasonably list for you every single disagreement that we’ve ever had. I’m sorry, but too much of my precious brainspace is dedicated to never thinking of these things again, and to recall them for you would put all that effort to waste. Also, you’ve had plenty of ordinary arguments, you don’t need to read about mine. No, what I’m offering you here is a sampling of that special something that can only be found à chez nous. To date, we have had significant, repeatable, long-running rows on such hot-button topics as:
- The damned avocados.
- Wordsies. (Interestingly, we’ve never had any issue with the fact that “wordsies” is a word)
- Whether or not to get a dog. Then, in succession:
- Whether the dog would be allowed on the furniture,
- Whether the dog would be allowed upstairs,
- Whether the dog would be allowed in our bedroom,
- Whether the dog would be allowed on the bed,
- Which exact circumstances constituted a “special occasion” (for the purposes of inviting the dog onto the bed) and finally,
- Whether greyhounds are, logistically speaking, dogs.
- The way he eats pretzels.
- Packing – he does it wrong.
- unpacking – we both simply refuse to do it.
- How many dogs are currently in our house. Alternately, or as a follow-up,
- how many pets our house can reasonably accommodate
- The Blankets Issue.
- Yes, the movie. We’ve actually had to just agree to never speak of it again.
- Snoring, of course.
- Why wasn’t snoring at the top of the list? Because I’ve become convinced that his snore is a sentient being and it’s already got a sufficiently inflated ego. Thus, we will not fuel that ego further by arguing about it as it would otherwise deserve, which is to say to the exclusion of all other things and until the end of time.
- Which style of can opener is superior.
- How to light a Christmas tree.
- The shiny paint debate.
- What color I painted the foyer and front stairs. Not what color I should paint them. What color I actually used on the actual walls that we both look at every single day.
- “I love you more”
- What those signs on the side of the road mean.
- Whether or not he’s funny.
- What to watch.
- Who hid the remote. This one frequently leads to its cousin,
- Where to put the remote when we’re done watching
- When, exactly, the Christmas season begins.
- When, after Christmas, the tree and lights should come down
- Whether to get married.**
- Driving, in general
- My use of pre-moistened facial cleansing cloths
- He is—and I’m not looking for sympathy here, this is a simple statement of fact—impossible to shop for.
*Here’s how this one works: most of these are either self-explanitory (I think) or the topic/conversation/story is already posted somewhere around here. I will link to what I’ve got so far, and add to it as we go. If you see something you think I haven’t written about – or haven’t written enough about – then just comment below and I’ll get right on that. With thinking. And maybe even some writing.
**He won that one. Barely. And yet, we’ll still trot it out for company, because he tricked me.