I Married an Engineer


As you may be aware, Husband is an engineer.  This means that I, a Normal Person, married an Engineer.


This means that there are conflicts in our house that center around the Engineer’s inability to communicate properly with Normal People, but also that the communication and cultural barriers we suffer are greater than those experienced by couples who were only raised on different continents or something.


We have found, over the years, that the key to managing these differences is to discuss them openly, and with as much sarcastic integrity as can be denied after the fact.


HIM:  No, you can’t call me down and say you’re ready and then keep me waiting!  It’s-
ME:  Look, I’m going to stop you right there.  If you’re going to bring logic to this argument we just can’t even continue.
HIM:  …
ME:  (nods)
HIM:  O-kay… I’m glad you see it my way-
ME:  No, you’re still wrong… you just need to stop with the logic.  I’ll only be another minute.  (smiles)
HIM:  (makes that face I usually make, with the eyebrows)


Doctor Who says WTF?

I have a very deep wrinkle between my eyebrows that won’t ever go away, from making this exact face.


I have found that it also helps to remember that the Engineer has a brain that is almost, but not quite, exactly unlike mine.  That is to say, I frequently find myself wishing I hadn’t asked him such probing, open-ended questions as “why not?” or “how?” or “oh?” or “hmm?” because he will go on at length about things that either don’t make sense to me or don’t seem to be related to the actual issue.  Or, worse, I swear sometimes he just makes up words.


“Variable wobbler”

“Input shaft”

“Torque tube”

“Lip seal”

“Ring gear”


Seriously, if these things aren’t fictional then they’re parts made exclusively for sex toys.


Those of you who have no experience with engineers will, no doubt, think that I should simply ask him to tone it down or just, you know, stop.   And that’s adorable, but it would never work.  For he is Engineer, and there’s just no reasoning with them.


Plus, you know, the brain.


ME:  Why can’t you just explain things in the way that makes sense the first time?
HIM:  Because I don’t know what’s going to make sense to you
ME:  Don’t you have a normal person’s brain somewhere in that massive engineering brain?
HIM:  I DO have a normal person’s brain, but I keep it tucked away in a jar.



Know what?  I’m pretty sure it’s on that shelf in the garage.


garage shelf filled with random junk

This one.



3 comments on “I Married an Engineer

  1. This made me smile as I sit between 2 snotty soccer mom SUVS…glaring at me bc I parked my piece o’shit corolla between them. Too funny!

    Liked by 1 person

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