This should be illegal.
There is, I think we can all agree, a period in the morning when we are technically physically capable of movement – for example, getting up to go to the toilet – but are still absolutely clinically asleep. During these wee hours (ooh, maybe that’s why they’re called that?) one can certainly climb out of bed, kick the hamper, curse its placement for the eight billionth time this year, stumble to the bathroom, fumble with the latch, manage to work both the toilet and the paper roll, and return to bed all without an eye opening or a neuron firing.
So far, you’re all with me, right?
Apparently, Husband did not get this memo.
You see, I just got up to pee at 5:30. Now, I’m aware that there are some people who are awake and doing things on purpose at this hour, but I’m writing this on a Saturday, which means fuck you I’m still asleep at 5:30 and you should be as well. Went through the above-outlined bumping and stumbling and had just got myself tucked back into bed, drifting off peacefully for another few hours sleep, when he starts in on me.
HIM: What time is it?
HIM: What time is gaming today?
ME: When it starts.
HIM: Who’s going?
ME: I. Don’t. Know.
HIM: What’s wrong?
HIM: Are you mad?
ME: Yes. Also, tired.
HIM: Are you feeling okay?
ME: (can’t even scream, Rageasaurus is still asleep)
* Translation: Oh-ho! Where’s your “angle of the sun” shit now?