Summer is in full tilt here, with eight thousand percent humidity* making me extra miserable. Oh, but last night I finally got a snore-free night’s sleep! I rolled over to congratulate Husband on this achievement, only to find that he was missing. Or invisible. And incorporeal. And totally silent. Which would have been really inconvenient for the sexytimes, so I hoped (for once) that he was just off playing Stellaris. I flipped back over to grab my phone and Skyped him just as he staggered into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed.
ME: Why weren’t you here?
HIM: Slept in the basement.
ME: Yes, but why?
HIM: Because too hot.
ME: No. Snuggles! Remember?
HIM: Two flights of stairs…. it’s not fair.
ME: What’s not fair, baby?
HIM: Having to come up two flights of stairs. Duh.
ME: I’m pretty sure all the alternatives would have been more work. Putting in another entrance in the basement? More work. Hell, even an elevator would have been more work.
ME: Plus, you’d need to come upstairs for stuff you need to build an elevator anyway.
HIM: Not true. I have a workshop in the basement.
ME: Yeah, but not all the materials you’d need to build an elevator.
HIM: I’d MacGyver one out of duct tape.
ME: Duct tape? You don’t even have paperclips down there!
HIM: Shit, you’re right.
And no, reminders of how much I hate this sort of heat (I’m a desert breed, we’ve established) will not be appreciated in a few months, when the sub-arctic temperatures force me to wear three sweaters and a coat indoors, and wrap myself in a thick comforter on top of all that when I go outside. I will not find any of that amusing in October.**
Now you’re saying to yourself, “Okay, fine, that was cute and all…. but why’d she call the post Duck Tape or Duct Tape? I mean, what’s that got to do with anything?” ***
See, as I was writing this post, I realized that someone, somewhere, was going to dredge up the “duck tape/duct tape” debate. So I googled it – again – even though I’ve already had this argument with my husband and won, thankyouverymuch. Please direct your inquiries/ire here.
For those of you who didn’t notice or care, I present to you a supercute kitten playing with a tablet.
* Yes, that’s the actual figure. Why do you doubt me?
** Okay, that bit might be a slight exaggeration. But I will break out the fuzzy socks by late September, and in October there will be gloves and scarves and hats and I’ll still complain of the cold. Basically, Nature and I are not compatible. Especially up here.
*** Even if you weren’t saying that before, you just did because most people translate the written word by letting a voice in their head read it aloud to them. So basically, I just hijacked your brain. Don’t worry, I promise to only use my powers for good.