I really had no expectations at all when I started this blog, other than for some people to read the things my husband says. For some of those people to enjoy it was a bonus – a stretch goal, to use the currently fashionable term. Since I never expected “success,” I never thought I’d be one of those people who particularly cared about the stats and “insights” provided by WordPress.
Clearly, I had not been paying attention to any of my previous experience dealing with the wriggling bag of crazy that is me.
I have discovered that I need to know how people found this blog, what they did once they got here, what they liked and didn’t like… I need all the information.
I now understand the NSA. Li’l bit.
Given that I have what my husband terms “control issues,”* there is one aspect in particular that has caused more rants than I can outline here without losing your attention forever:
Google’s nonsense is the bane of many a blogger’s existence, for sure. But this? This is cruel. This is Google telling me, “Hey, we know exactly who went to your site and why. And we’re not telling. Nyah.”
Look, I don’t want anyone’s home address or anything – for one thing, my Christmas card list is stressful enough, I don’t need to start adding subscribers to the mix** – but if I don’t know what people searched for that led them to find me, especially the people that hung around for a while, how can I do more of that thing? And isn’t that what Google wants everyone to be doing: creating more quality content that people want to see?
Unknown Search Terms, how I loathe thee.
I’ve been coping with this frustration for some time now, since most of my results in that pane are “unknown search terms.” I’ve gotten a few interesting exceptions, and had hoped to compile them all into one post someday, but that’s probably never going to happen because Unknown. Search. Terms. Ugh. Anyway, coping. I’ve been doing that, while occasionally whining about it to other blogger friends, but then the other night, while we were in the PVP queue*** I popped over to check the day’s stats.
ME: (scream of outrage)
ME: Okay, you know my “search terms?”
HIM: Yeah… I know.
ME: Right. 99.99998% of the time, it’s all “unknown search terms” because Google is being a dick. But lately, I get people googling “actual conversations with my husband” or “actual conversation with my husband” or similar. Basically, they’ve found the site and forgotten to bookmark it.
HIM: It happens.
ME: Yeah. Still pretty glad I got it changed to actualconversationswithmyhusband.com, though. So much easier. Heh.
ME: But then. Today. Are you ready for this shit?
HIM: But tell me anyway.
ME: Someone got to me when they googled “tired woman cranky”
HIM: (mic suddenly cuts out)
HIM: So I’m thinking that I should go get these delves, since that’s the best way to –
ME: You’re not even going to touch that, are you?
HIM: Not with a fifty foot pole.
Someone once got to me by googling “my husband is my naked waiter.” I think about that person a lot. Like, probably too much. I have so many questions, obviously, but mostly admiration.
So, if you ever come back, Random Internet Person: good for you. Really. That sounds weird but awesome, and I’d honestly like to know more about that situation.
* NOT a control freak. He is very careful to never use that word. He corrects me when I paraphrase him and attribute that word to him, because he “would never say that about me.” We’ve discussed this at some length.
** Oh my god, should I be sending you Christmas cards? Shit, I should plan something special for Christmas. Someone remind me, okay?
*** Since you asked, we’ve found a lovely new guild which has (along with the rest of Aldmeri Dominion) been kicking serious ass, so I’m able to drink and play, woohoo! I’ve even tried my hand at healing, though that takes considerably more of my attention and leaves me less time for wine.