More About Ducks

 

Hey, who needs a break from the doom and the gloom and the political today?  

 

Okay, put your hands down.  I got ya covered.  I should probably just make this a tweet, but I already know it’s gonna be too long.

 

I’m not saying I can’t be succinct, but… let’s face it, 140 characters is a ridiculous limit, once you calculate how many I waste on “fuck.”

 

 I say fuck a lot

 

So I woke up this morning in plenty of time to get to my morning therapist appointment – I do it in the morning so my makeup is fresh and because I like to set the bar for her other clients; I haven’t mentioned this to her, because I’m saving it for our five-year anniversary, or someday when she thinks maybe I don’t need her anymore (ha!) – and everything proceeded to go wrong.

 

There was a house demon in the shower (seriously, what is going on with them?) and when I woke Husband up to Take Care Of It, it “scampered away from him” and behind the little organizer thingy and he “couldn’t find it.”  So I couldn’t shower in our bathroom.  Nice. 

 

Then I read about political study/survey that got me all worked up – which I did not have time for, but I can’t help but glance at my twitter feed, you know? – and that started a whole thing with Husband, who did not have anywhere to be and was not interested in accommodating my need to put clothes on quickly because he prefers me naked. 

 

 I think he likes me

 

I ended up doing the thing where you finish your makeup in the car, only I had to do it while dealing with traffic and confusing detours because of stupid construction.  Put my earrings in and whipped my hair up into a quick twist in the elevator (yeah, I’ll be late before I show up looking like a ragamuffin to a building where they know I’m crazy) and raced up to the front desk, apologizing profusely for being ten minutes late.

 

late-txt-ss

Did I forget to mention that my “baby cat” is basically a vicious demon? Because he is – that’s what I love about him.

 

With nothing left to do for a few minutes but think about my stupidity, I resolved to show YOU my rubber duckies.*  Because… what the hell, right?  Plus, this way Alexis sees them.

 

Bat-duck and Wonder-duck

I have super-hero ducks…

 

I won’t remember to show her otherwise.  I can’t even remember what time my appointments are, and I’ve got reminders in my phone for that!

 

 

dog ducks

… and puppy ducks

 

I won them in a team building retreat, back when I was foolish enough to sacrifice internal organs to serving on the board of a non-profit (if you ever feel like that’s a thing you might want to do, ask me about my experiences – I won’t tell you that you don’t want to, but I might show you my actual scars from the actual surgery that was 100% because of the stress of herding cats who only wanted to lose paperwork and steal money without my meddling and organizing) and I do wuv them.

 

Duck hunt

… and even hunting ducks!

 

 

I also, I suddenly remembered, had them in my purse one day when I was in another psychologist’s waiting room.  I reached into my purse for a pen to fill out yet another form and had to shift aside a half-dozen rubber duckies and a giant syringe, and suddenly realized that I might actually be the least normal person in that office just then.

 

 

rubber ducks

Sometimes they hold super-important Duck Council meetings

 

Bet you can’t top that!

 

goalsetting

No, as a matter of fact, I DON’T think I’m doing this wrong.

 

* Shit.  I just realized that I’ve made it sound like I had them in my purse today.  I did not.  I had to come home, go upstairs, and dig them out of the bathroom closet.  Because I don’t keep them in my purse anymore.

 

That would be crazy.

 

 

 

cat threatens duck council

Duck Council meets under the looming shadow of The Baby Cat, who cannot stand for me to be doing things without his approval.

 

 

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3 comments on “More About Ducks

    • Thank you. Husband tells me it’s not technically a “collection” because I got them all at the same event. I told him fine, I want more cute li’l rubber ducks in costumes, then. Which are not, as it turns out, sold individually. (Suddenly I’ve got “the beginnings of a collection, and it’s really cute.” Hmph.)

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  1. Our neighbor has a collection of rubber ducks across the whole dashboard of her car. And she seems normal.

    Like

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