Hey, who needs a break from the doom and the gloom and the political today?
Okay, put your hands down. I got ya covered. I should probably just make this a tweet, but I already know it’s gonna be too long.
I’m not saying I can’t be succinct, but… let’s face it, 140 characters is a ridiculous limit, once you calculate how many I waste on “fuck.”
So I woke up this morning in plenty of time to get to my morning therapist appointment – I do it in the morning so my makeup is fresh and because I like to set the bar for her other clients; I haven’t mentioned this to her, because I’m saving it for our five-year anniversary, or someday when she thinks maybe I don’t need her anymore (ha!) – and everything proceeded to go wrong.
There was a house demon in the shower (seriously, what is going on with them?) and when I woke Husband up to Take Care Of It, it “scampered away from him” and behind the little organizer thingy and he “couldn’t find it.” So I couldn’t shower in our bathroom. Nice.
Then I read about political study/survey that got me all worked up – which I did not have time for, but I can’t help but glance at my twitter feed, you know? – and that started a whole thing with Husband, who did not have anywhere to be and was not interested in accommodating my need to put clothes on quickly because he prefers me naked.
I ended up doing the thing where you finish your makeup in the car, only I had to do it while dealing with traffic and confusing detours because of stupid construction. Put my earrings in and whipped my hair up into a quick twist in the elevator (yeah, I’ll be late before I show up looking like a ragamuffin to a building where they know I’m crazy) and raced up to the front desk, apologizing profusely for being ten minutes late.
With nothing left to do for a few minutes but think about my stupidity, I resolved to show YOU my rubber duckies.* Because… what the hell, right? Plus, this way Alexis sees them.
I won’t remember to show her otherwise. I can’t even remember what time my appointments are, and I’ve got reminders in my phone for that!
I won them in a team building retreat, back when I was foolish enough to sacrifice internal organs to serving on the board of a non-profit (if you ever feel like that’s a thing you might want to do, ask me about my experiences – I won’t tell you that you don’t want to, but I might show you my actual scars from the actual surgery that was 100% because of the stress of herding cats who only wanted to lose paperwork and steal money without my meddling and organizing) and I do wuv them.
I also, I suddenly remembered, had them in my purse one day when I was in another psychologist’s waiting room. I reached into my purse for a pen to fill out yet another form and had to shift aside a half-dozen rubber duckies and a giant syringe, and suddenly realized that I might actually be the least normal person in that office just then.
Bet you can’t top that!
* Shit. I just realized that I’ve made it sound like I had them in my purse today. I did not. I had to come home, go upstairs, and dig them out of the bathroom closet. Because I don’t keep them in my purse anymore.
That would be crazy.