My Mixed Marriage

 

I’ve mentioned, somewhere around here, I know I have, that ours is a mixed marriage.  I could go on about our differences, but the bottom line is this: an Engineer married a normal, reasonable person.

 

A friend was surprised recently to learn that we frequently accompany one another to our doctor’s appointments.  I was surprised that she doesn’t need to do this, but then I accompanied him to a recent PT session and realized why our situation is unique.

 

PHYSIO:  (yet again)  How’s that?  Is that comfortable?
HIM:  (yet again)  No.
PHYSIO:  … okay… (confused, frustrated face)
HIM:  Nothing is comfortable.  I don’t understand the question.
ME:  Is it a good stretch, or a bad stretch?
HIM:  Meh.
ME:  Does it make you hate her, or make you wish you could do it better?
HIM:  Little of both, actually.
ME:  (looks at physio)
PHYSIO:  Okay, so let’s try this…


translating engineer speak

Sadly, not available in most regions.

So I’m needed to translate for him.  On the other hand…

 

ME:  See, this is why I come with him… to translate.  Of course, I take him with me to remind me, because otherwise I forget things like whether I’ve ever had a surgery, and he has to remind me about the c-section
PHYSIO:  (laughs)
ME:  And the gall bladder, I always forget that one.
HIM:  And the exploratory.
ME:  What?
HIM:  (stops exercises) Last year, honey.  The exploratory?
ME:  Oh yeah!  Shit, how did I forget that?
PHYSIO:  (laughs)  You guys are too funny.
HIM:  (resumes exercises)
ME:  But you see how I need him?  I’d be getting an MRI and just forget that, in fact, yes I do have some metal in me.  Oops!
HIM:  That’s happened.
 

 

So if you’re reading this, Dear Friend who wondered why we’re so weirdly co-dependent that we go to the doctor together, it’s because of shit like this. 

 

But it’s not all fun and games and better communication with medical professionals.  Our differences go deep, and while it’s nice to have someone who can shore up your weaknesses, sometimes it feels more like having your deficiencies pointed out.  And sometimes… someone gets hurt.  Because they deserve it.

 

 

ME:  90 Seconds, you sack of shit.
HIM:  I’m… sorry?
ME:  Do you understand that, for me, you falling asleep in 90 seconds is like you tap-dancing in front of the crippled kid?
HIM:  I’m sorry.
ME:  90 seconds!  I didn’t even know that was physically possible!
HIM:  That’s a lot of time!   Nick Cage can steal almost two cars!  (runs)

 

Unimaginable bastard

I will NEVER let that go.

 

 

 

Advertisements

11 comments on “My Mixed Marriage

  1. I enjoyed this. I go to the Dr. with my hubby but can’t drag him to my appointments. Lucky for me I have a daughter that enjoys going to crap like that. She’s always a good time at the Dr. office.

    Like

  2. jamiefew74 says:

    Ugh! I remember when my ex was like that! His head didn’t even hit the pillow and he was snoring!!

    Like

  3. tiredwife says:

    UGH. My husband has fallen asleep mid conversation, mid movie he just had to see, and in the time it takes me to walk to the closet to get my pajama shirt and turn back around. I hate him.

    Like

  4. JenS says:

    I take him to my appointments too. He is my best source in describing how my mental health has been since the last appointment.

    He has the magical ability to sleep quickly too. It’s not fair!!

    Like

  5. I have one of those quick sleepers too. We can be talking, pause for 15 seconds, and he is snoring!

    He also is one of those annoying nappers. He can go “take a nap”, SET AN ALARM FOR 20 MINUTES LATER and wake up refreshed. What the world???? I could never even go to sleep in 20 minutes, much less sleep and wake up…right?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my gosh – so great – love this!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s