I’ve mentioned, somewhere around here, I know I have, that ours is a mixed marriage. I could go on about our differences, but the bottom line is this: an Engineer married a normal, reasonable person.
A friend was surprised recently to learn that we frequently accompany one another to our doctor’s appointments. I was surprised that she doesn’t need to do this, but then I accompanied him to a recent PT session and realized why our situation is unique.
PHYSIO: (yet again) How’s that? Is that comfortable?
HIM: (yet again) No.
PHYSIO: … okay… (confused, frustrated face)
HIM: Nothing is comfortable. I don’t understand the question.
ME: Is it a good stretch, or a bad stretch?
ME: Does it make you hate her, or make you wish you could do it better?
HIM: Little of both, actually.
ME: (looks at physio)
PHYSIO: Okay, so let’s try this…
So I’m needed to translate for him. On the other hand…
ME: See, this is why I come with him… to translate. Of course, I take him with me to remind me, because otherwise I forget things like whether I’ve ever had a surgery, and he has to remind me about the c-section
ME: And the gall bladder, I always forget that one.
HIM: And the exploratory.
HIM: (stops exercises) Last year, honey. The exploratory?
ME: Oh yeah! Shit, how did I forget that?
PHYSIO: (laughs) You guys are too funny.
HIM: (resumes exercises)
ME: But you see how I need him? I’d be getting an MRI and just forget that, in fact, yes I do have some metal in me. Oops!
HIM: That’s happened.
So if you’re reading this, Dear Friend who wondered why we’re so weirdly co-dependent that we go to the doctor together, it’s because of shit like this.
But it’s not all fun and games and better communication with medical professionals. Our differences go deep, and while it’s nice to have someone who can shore up your weaknesses, sometimes it feels more like having your deficiencies pointed out. And sometimes… someone gets hurt. Because they deserve it.
ME: 90 Seconds, you sack of shit.
HIM: I’m… sorry?
ME: Do you understand that, for me, you falling asleep in 90 seconds is like you tap-dancing in front of the crippled kid?
HIM: I’m sorry.
ME: 90 seconds! I didn’t even know that was physically possible!
HIM: That’s a lot of time! Nick Cage can steal almost two cars! (runs)