It’s incredibly important for married couples to share priorities and values. Or, so I’m told. Me, I’m just sort of flinging myself through life and I got lucky enough to find a man who either hangs on or follows behind, patiently scooping up my dropped sunglasses, socks, wallet…
ME: I need to go to the craft store.
ME: I need to buy some tiny bells.
ME: It’s for a joke.
HIM: That’s legit. What kind of bells?
See? That’s the sort of thing they don’t work into standard wedding vows, but you’d better believe I’ll bring it up if we ever renew ours. Which, since we did them ourselves the first time, mostly dealt with where wet towels go and promising to never be boring.
We’ve tried to raise our kid with the same values, but children are individuals, not clones or accessories. He’s his own person and, as such, sometimes doesn’t fully appreciate what I’m doing in the great performance art piece that is My Life.
OFFSPRING: What do you need all these bells for?
ME: A joke.
OFFSPRING: Why so many?
ME: I said I’d be there with bells on.
OFFSPRING: THERE ARE ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY TWO BELLS HERE!
ME: I SAID I’D BE THERE WITH BELLS ON!!
OFFSPRING: Where are you even going to put them all?
ME: I’ll sew them on. It’ll be fine.