You guys, I’ve been wanting so badly to move back up to posting three times a week. But… Dishonored 2 was one of my Christmas presents, and has consumed basically all of my free time.
I wish I was kidding.
Well, I don’t, really, but Husband does. I’m sure Offspring does, too; they both got new games for Christmas and have barely been allowed to touch them since I started mine. It’s become a running joke around here that I must be in the basement if I’m awake… the sort of joke you tell to keep from addressing a very obvious and crippling addiction.
ME: I should change the TV code, huh?
OFFSPRING: Considering I’ve been ungrounded for three days…
ME: There, done. Now it’s 0000
OFFSPRING: So I can play now?
ME: Well, you could… (grabs controller) But I have no honor….
OFFSPRING: (rolls eyes) You’ll have to finish Dishonored 2 eventually!
ME: Then I’ll play through as Corvo.
ME: After that, my veins might stop itching, yeah.
I did try some quality co-op time with Husband, but that was basically 90 minutes of this:
So I’ve mostly been sticking with Dishonored 2. Which the men in my life also want to play, just as soon as I’ve finished at least one playthrough. Husband is also paranoid about spoilers, so he’s playing “the basement is full of lava” while I play stealthy shadow, which means much of our communication is taking place via Skype.
ME: Problem with the Domino ability: if you’re trying for zero kills, one finger slip fucks up your stats.
ME: Trying to knock out two thugs to get a rune.. I’VE KILLED SO MANY TIMES. You should really be watching, if only so you can laugh at me.
HIM: Nah, I’d get frustrated just watching.
HIM: And then I’d go all murdery. ‘Coz that’s how it happens.*
The good news is, even on Skype we can get pretty deep, so I’m not completely abandoning opportunities to get material for you… assuming you’re willing to accept our User Options Theory of 2016 Suck. Which you should, because it explains a lot.
ME: Beat you to the murders.
HIM: It’s not a contest.
ME: It’s not a contest because I already won.
ME: I’M LITERALLY THROWING THEM INTO ELECTRIC RAILS TWO AT A TIME
HIM: But you’ll go back and save, and it will have not happened. That’s what 2016 was, just God messing around before he reloads 2015.
ME: No reloads, no saved games.
HIM: Stupid hard mode.
ME: We’re basically stuck in a Dark Souls game on Hero mode
So I’ve decided that 2017 will be my year of actually getting shit done. Sure, I’m starting a little late by Pinterest standards, but resolutions are bullshit so I figure I’m fine as long as I start my “2017 me” stuff somewhere around winter-ish. And that starts this week, with three posts.
No clue if that’ll last. I mean, I’m barely remembering to eat at this point…
HIM: So, about food…
ME: Fuck it, I’m sleep darting them. I’ve killed this same pair 87 times now. Time to admit defeat.
HIM: How is that defeat? Isn’t that the purpose of the darts?
ME: They cost money, and they’re hard to come by. There’s ONE SHOP in each mission that sells them, and I can only carry FIVE. So yeah, I don’t use them except in emergency. Or when my global stats are in the pooper.
HIM: Like now, when you just got 174 kills?
HIM: You haven’t answered, but I’m really hungry…
Fuck it. Let’s set 2017 to Easy mode and agree that I’ll post whenever I post, and if I miss a couple you’ll know that it’s because I’m doing something else, but it’s really important.
* Husband and I play Dishonored very differently. I will carefully stealth my way through a mission for hours, setting up traps and distractions, choking out guards and hiding the bodies, restarting with a howl of frustration if I’m spotted or something goes wrong. He will carefully stealth his way through a mission for a good long while, then get spotted and go on a killing spree to cover his tracks. His way takes less time, but looks like way more work to me, because of the game’s morality mechanic.