I have alluded, in the past, that Husband is not an actual grown-up. This is because he’s not, and the proof of this is in the fact that he only recently deigned to try guacamole, ffs. Guacamole. The most perfect food ever, at least, that I can think of right now, because I really want some guacamole now that I’ve typed it three times and said it in my head like nine more. Guac-a-mooole… it’s fucking delicious, right? Yeah it is. But Husband was all “nooope, not even gonna try that weird squishy green stuff” and always insisted that he hated it. Finally ate some on a burger last year, now he loves guacamole. So there.
However, in the interest of fairness (I’m not actually interested in fairness, but I’ve got a birthday coming up and I know the Easter Bunny is watching so I’m gonna play nice for a while) I feel it’s only fair to point out that I don’t always do the mature, adult thing.
I mean, I do plenty of “mature” and “adult” things, but they’re not generally what we talk about here. Erm… let’s get back on track, okay?
Look over here, at this conversation, and please stop thinking about the previous paragraph.
ME: Check the mail, see if my Prima guide is out there?
HIM: Fine, I’ll get the mail… (comes back with stack of mail)
ME: (grabs package from middle of stack)
HIM: (waves rest of mail questioningly)
ME: Yeah, I’m really only interested in this. (holds precious package close)
HIM: No! You yell at him and you yell at me for going out and getting just the one thing we want. Now you’re going to go through the bills and statements and junkmail –
HIM: Like a goddamned grown-up –
ME: But my precious! (caresses package lovingly)
HIM: And not like a Gollum!
ME: (stomps foot) Do Not Want!
Also, in fairness, the pirate flag was my idea. I debated between the Jolly Roger and Union Jack, and we may still make a switch at some point, but my goal was to convey to the neighbors that we don’t take ourselves all that seriously in this house.
They’ve never come over with pie or anything, or even to introduce themselves, if you’re wondering.