Great, Now I Need a TARDIS

 

I know you want updates after last week’s cliffhanger, and I want to give them to you!  Things on the legal front are progressing in what I assume is the usual fashion for such matters: slowly.  (Legal professionals, back me up here)

 

Devil Wears Prada "By all means, move at a glacial pace"

Trying so hard not to get sharp with him over it.  Sharp probably costs more.

 

Things on the financial front are… have you ever seen a mammal that is not biologically designed to swim try to do so?  They don’t drown – at least, not right away – but there’s a lot of scrabbling around and desperate gasping and wide eyes looking for a magical escape route.  That’s me, but on the inside.  On the outside, things are fine, thankyouforasking.

 

 

We’ve met with JTL and he, to his credit, didn’t drop his pen once (his jaw a couple of times, but not his pen.)  There were a few puzzled blinks as he tried to work out what their side of the story might be, but eventually he shook that off and realized this is one of those rare cases where the other side actually doesn’t have a leg to stand on, legally speaking.  They’ve actually got a huge number of literal legs in that building alone, and if legs were dollars they’ve got billions, so their attorneys will be sleek, well-fed beasts with sharp teeth and claws.  I am still not worried about that bit, because right makes right (and if all else fails, I know where the cameras are in the parking lot.)

 

I mean, I’m not saying I would do anything with this information… I’m just saying that they’ve still got parts of that lot blocked off for repaving, and that presents a hazard to tires.  And paint jobs.  Plus, and I’m really only guessing on this point, but I think it maybe attracts wild animals as well?  So I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if someone found their car stuffed full of angry badgers, with all four tires tragically flattened by stray construction debris. 

 

Husband thinks I need to lay off the revenge fantasies, or at least stop running them past his lawyer. 

 

lawyer with books

“Please don’t do that.  Or that.  Any of it.  All of your impulses are wildly illegal.”

 

 

This is particularly difficult, since I realized last week that they’re gonna owe me a goddamned time machine too by the time this is all over. 

 

 

ME:  Found another thing your shitty former company owes me for.  (links to review video for Horizon Zero Dawn)
HIM:  There’s stealth archery….
ME:  Right???
HIM:  It’s not out yet, but next week.  $48 prime.
ME:  Yeah, and it’ll be way longer than that before we’re buying new games, even thinking super-optimistically, thanks to that asshole.
HIM:  Super-optimistically, they’ll offer me a fat severance package and I’ll start working soon and we’ll actually come out ahead.
ME:  Yeah, but all of that will take way more than a week to sort.
HIM:  I’m not sure what you think “super-optimistically” means.
ME:  Ah wants it nao.
HIM:  Ah.  So.  A “long time” is anything more than right now.
ME:  … Well, I could possibly be sexed into waiting for the release date, but after that I’m gonna get the itchies.  Like ants crawling on me.  You know.

 

Archer Woodhouse is getting itchy

 

 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out and buy Horizon Zero Dawn today – because it looks great and you should obviously do that.  I’m just saying I don’t want to hear about it.  If you hate it, I don’t wanna hear; if you love it, I especially don’t want to hear all about the fun you’re having while I sit here… not looking up where to buy those tire-shredding tack strips, if anyone asks.

 

Horizon Zero Dawn screenshot

I won’t be shooting goddamned robot dinosaurs, that’s my point.

 

 

 

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One comment on “Great, Now I Need a TARDIS

  1. protozoandeath says:

    That whole situation still sucks.

    My dire need for Mass Effect Andromeda is being blocked by a worse need for a new video card to run it, so I feel THAT pain.

    Like

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