Dog Hater is #1


So here’s the thing: JTL believes – because apparently lawyers are still allowed to be optimists?  Who knew? – that the simplest thing will be for him to write a sternly worded letter to The Company, listing the hella illegal things they did and reminding them that the easy way out of this mess is to rehire Husband.  So that’s our first step. 


I noted that he would have to work from home, and not for or with anyone in that same department, especially since they perp-walked him out of the building like he’d been caught stealing jet engines and selling them to terrorists.  JTL agreed that we’d negotiate that point once they agreed to the basic principle.  Fine.


This was, like, nineteen on the list of ideal outcomes I had in my head, of course.  But I’m not in charge of things… probably for a good reason.


Rocket raccoon

Mostly because Rocket is my spirit animal.



We did actually discuss what a “good” outcome would look like before meeting with JTL, because that’s the reasonable thing to do, and I’m nothing if not reasonable.  Stop laughing!



ME:  We need to think about what we want out of a lawsuit.  It does us no good to go in suing with no idea of what success looks like.
HIM:  I’d be happy if they changed my termination to “at will” so I can collect unemployment until I find a job.
ME:  … Okay, that’s one possible outcome.
HIM:  What were you thinking?
ME:  One year’s salary plus continuing full benefits for twelve months.
HIM:  That’s…
ME:  Ambitious?   Demanding?  Bitchy?
HIM:  Yeah.
ME:  (smiles, points at self)
HIM:  (sighs)
ME:  Hey, it’s down from my first choice demand.
HIM:  Which was…?
ME:  51% of the company and here’s a  list of the people I want fired.
HIM:  (sighs, gently headdesks)
ME:  (ticking off on fingers) Dog Hater, Scott, Gobshite Boss –
HIM:  Wait, why is Dog Hater first?
ME:  Because he hates dogs!
HIM:  …
ME:  Duh.



Ooh, I can finally tell you about Dog Hater!  This was years ago, but I still hold a grudge.  We have greyhounds, as I’ve mentioned, and we sport with them, which means we do not have dainty little couch potatoes: we have lean, muscled, running machines who occasionally overdo it.  The brindle one in particular is accident prone and one Sunday afternoon she managed to cut herself deeply enough that I could see her tendons.  I patched it up and called the vet, who figured if I hadn’t stapled it myself* it could wait until morning, but she did want to see her first thing.   So Husband texted his boss to let her know that he’d be a bit late in the morning and why, and she told him to take his time and wished our doggy well.  (She was fine, btw.  She even heals fast)


brindle greyhound in brindle coat

And is not easily impressed.


Husband went in after the appointment and showed his boss photos of our dog and her injury, and she was shocked that he didn’t stay home to take care of her.  Then Husband scooted into a meeting with Dog Hater, who wasn’t even in his same department but commented that he’d stopped by Husband’s desk earlier and found it empty.  Husband explained and Dog Hater launched into a long story about how one of his dogs got sick years ago, and needed surgery, and while Husband was still nodding sympathetically, ended with “so we don’t go to the vet anymore.”


WTF shocked cat



Yeah.  Dog Hater says he decided a long time ago that vet bills are just outrageous and he’s going to start “treating dogs the way a farmer would,** just put ‘em down when they get sick, since you can always get a new one.”  He then went to Husband’s boss later that day and tried to get him written up for coming in late, since the reason wasn’t a “legitimate appointment.”  (This did not work, because that boss was a decent fucking person.  We miss her.)


Dog Hater is first on my list.


Lee Pace "I want him to kneel"

Well, I mean, he’ll have to.  To fix those flat tires…






* Told you, the brindle dog is a hazard to herself just lying there.  

** I know some farmers and even a few ranchers, and not a one of them treats their animals anything like this.  An animal is an investment, a partner, a working member of your business and your family.  If anything, farmers and ranchers treat their animals better than us city folk in a lot of ways.







6 comments on “Dog Hater is #1

  1. Couple things: 1. Every time I see JTL, I read it in my head as Justin Timberlake Lawyer. Obviously. 2. Dog Hater is rightfully first, I would like to meet him so that I may kick him in the balls. 3. I find that my comments tend to get a little violent on your posts. I apologize, but please tell Justin Timberlake lawyer they definitely owe you 51% of the company for emotional distress due to dog comments (does he hate cats too? Oh the humanity!!), and er, job stuff, too. 4. I looked at the word lawyer too long, and now it looks wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Arionis says:

    Why is it that all the decent fucking people in our lives tend to move on while the assholes linger?

    Liked by 1 person

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