My favorite thing in the whole wide world* is finding loopholes and beating the system.
So yesterday was my new Best Day Ever.
You all remember the “I love you more” thing, right? Of course you do, because you’ve obsessively read through every post several times and memorized every detail of our lives. I love that about you!
In keeping with Husband’s wishes, I haven’t said “I love you more” since he asked me not to – I still managed to get the last word in more than once, but that’s just right and fair and he’s got nothing to say about it – but I’ve finally found the loophole in that arrangement.
I simply make him start.
Admittedly, the idea needs some refinement, as my first attempt didn’t go exactly according to plan:
ME: How much do you love me?
HIM: I can’t… That’s… How many bananas are there?
HIM: For scale.
HIM: Yeah. That much.
ME: You mean, in the house? (recalls the two going splotchy on top of the fridge)
HIM: No, in the world.
ME: … You know, bananas are pretty small…
ME: But –
HIM: ALL the bananas.
I tried something similar once before, so you can see we’re getting better.
HIM: I love you!
ME: Yeah, but you only love me like, (holds fingers very close together) that much.
HIM: No, I love you more than that.
ME: How much?
HIM: I love you… (searching, suddenly inspired) all the way up to the moon!
ME: (unimpressed) Which moon?
HIM: Wha- The moon. Ours.
HIM: (defensively) That’s really far.
ME: Eh. In cosmological terms, not really. I mean, it’s literally the nearest space-thing to us.
HIM: Okay, fine. I love you all the way to… Io.
ME: Tch. Sticking with this solar system, I see.
Yeah, my favorite thing in the world is setting traps for – and torturing – my husband. It’s called marriage, okay?
*Yes, even more than being right, or telling other people what to do. Now stop interrupting me and agree with everything I say.