Bananas and Io

 

My favorite thing in the whole wide world* is finding loopholes and beating the system.

 

So yesterday was my new Best Day Ever.

 

ferret in peanuts

I realize I say that a lot, but that’s because my brain is full of ferrets. And ferrets are ALWAYS having the best day of their life.

 

You all remember the “I love you more” thing, right?  Of course you do, because you’ve obsessively read through every post several times and memorized every detail of our lives.  I love that about you!

 

In keeping with Husband’s wishes, I haven’t said “I love you more” since he asked me not to – I still managed to get the last word in more than once, but that’s just right and fair and he’s got nothing to say about it – but I’ve finally found the loophole in that arrangement.

 

I simply make him start.

 

Admittedly, the idea needs some refinement, as my first attempt didn’t go exactly according to plan:

 

 

ME:  How much do you love me?
HIM:  I can’t… That’s… How many bananas are there?
ME:  Huh?
HIM:  For scale.
ME:  Oh.
HIM:  Yeah.  That much.
ME:  You mean, in the house?  (recalls the two going splotchy on top of the fridge)
HIM:  No, in the world.
ME:  … You know, bananas are pretty small…
HIM:  ALL.
ME:  But –
HIM:  ALL the bananas.

 

the banana scale

 

I have no idea what the actual conversion rate is there, to be honest.  

 

I tried something similar once before, so you can see we’re getting better.

 

 

HIM:  I love you!
ME:  Yeah, but you only love me like, (holds fingers very close together) that much.
HIM:  No, I love you more than that.
ME:  How much?
HIM:  I love you… (searching, suddenly inspired) all the way up to the moon!
ME:  (unimpressed) Which moon?
HIM:  Wha- The moon.  Ours.
ME:  Hmph.
HIM:  (defensively) That’s really far.
ME:  Eh.  In cosmological terms, not really.  I mean, it’s literally the nearest space-thing to us.
HIM:  Okay, fine.  I love you all the way to… Io.
ME:  Io?
HIM:  Yeah.
ME:  Tch.  Sticking with this solar system, I see.

 

space is BIG

 

 

Yeah, my favorite thing in the world is setting traps for – and torturing – my husband.  It’s called marriage, okay?

 

 marriage is a bloodsport

 

 

 

*Yes, even more than being right, or telling other people what to do.  Now stop interrupting me and agree with everything I say.

 

 

 

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10 comments on “Bananas and Io

  1. josypheen says:

    You are hilarious. Io is pretty far…and all the bananas is a whole lot of love! ❤

    Although…I was just thinking…isn't there some kind of fungus that is killing off the vast majority of the worlds bananas? Does that mean he'll love you less in the future when more banana plants die off??

    p.s. My brain may be full of ferrets too. I have so many best days ever!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Victor K says:

    Like Josypheen said, the cavendish banana is being hit by Panama disease; already killed off the previous most popular banana in the world, now moving on to this one.

    Luckily for him, there are a lot of other banana varieties out there, but he may want to re-think the banana strategem (which sounds like a bedroom thing, now that I think of it.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Arionis says:

    You only have your self to blame for what comes next. You totally set me up for this…

    If he wants to stick to our solar system, he could love you all the way to Uranus. It’s a greater distance than Io but I hear it’s a rougher trip.

    Good ole Uranus. The butt of so many jokes since…well, whenever it was discovered. I’m too lazy to look it up.

    Liked by 3 people

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