I’ve mentioned before (haven’t I? Too lazy to look it up) that Husband thinks this blog is all about me.
Well, if I haven’t before, I’m mentioning it now. But don’t dwell on it too long—you can’t reason him out of that thinking (I’ve tried!) and honestly, it’s not the point right now anyway.
See, looking back over some recent posts (and, let’s face it, your comments—I read your comments with more enthusiasm than my own words, which is really saying something) I realized that I’ve possibly given you the impression that I set up or frame these incidents, so that he can be ridiculous and I can write about it. It’s my fault entirely: you see, I do tend to favor and recall those conversations that I started. Because my own voice is just about my favorite sound in the whole world.
But sometimes—I promise you, it’s true—he comes at me from out of nowhere and just brings the weird.
Here, have a look at this one, will you?
Oh, but first! It’s important you remember that he’s basically turning into his father: he’s obsessed with our water consumption, turning off lights even if someone’s in the room, and… hang on, that reminds me of this thing, when he came downstairs at “bedtime”
ME: You didn’t have to come down.
HIM: Someone had to get the lights, and you won’t go all the way back to get the back basement lights.
ME: You’re right, I won’t. They need to be all on one switch, by the door.
HIM: That sounds good, until you’re in the back room getting something out of the freezer and someone walks by the door and turns off the lights.
ME: What sort of monster would do such a thing?
HIM: My father, who apparently I’m turning into.
ME: Yeah, quit turning lights off on me, asshole. The time in the bathroom was especially not funny.
HIM: I don’t remember that.
ME: I blogged about it!
HIM: I don’t even remember reading about it.
I just wanted to put that out there. You know, for the trial. You’ll testify, right?
Excellent. Moving on, we come upon the actual point of today’s post. Anyone remember why we’re here? You… you do? Crap, someone’s been paying attention… I’ll have to watch my run-ons now.
Fine. As I was saying, sometimes he really does come out of nowhere. Like this!
ME: (getting ready to leave)
HIM: (irritated) What water was just running?
HIM: I heard water running just now. Where?
ME: I don’t know… a toilet, maybe?
HIM: Oh, yeah. I just used it.
HIM: That… may be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
ME: (reaching for phone) No, it’s fine…
HIM: Do not make a note of that!
I ask you, what is a reasonable human to make of that interaction?
A blog, obviously.
But that blog—and here we return, proving that there is a method to my madness—will not be about her.