It’s a Happy Rage

 

This might be my happiest day ever.

 

Don’t get me wrong—I’m furious.  But those that know me understand the two conditions are not mutually exclusive.  And this particular source of rage?  It vindicates me. 

 

 

I finally—finally—have proof that he’s not listening.  Not even trying

 

kid fingers in ears

Basically.

 

You know what?  I might just start babbling absolute nonsense phrases at him, since he’s only going to insist that I never said this or that anyway.  I might as well replace “could you get the mail?” with “glubfisk ekulo poiti lueirwvmie?”  Yeah.  Same damned results, I’ll tell you that!

 

[Deep, cleansing breath]

 

You’re not here for the rant, though… you’re here for the proof, right?  And proof you shall have!

 

ME:  (hearing someone on the stairs)  Hello?
HIM:  Hey.
ME:  Oh.  I thought you were my son.  I was going to ask him to get the fudge from downstairs so I can see if it’s ready.
HIM:  I am not him, but I can send him down when I go back upstairs.
ME:  K.
HIM:  (goes)
ME:  (waits for goddamned ever)
ME:  (via skype)  Where is he?
HIM:  The soda bread is in the oven.
ME:  Oh.  My.  God.
HIM:  (calling out to Offspring)  I think Mom needs you downstairs!
ME:  (via skype)  No, you get down here.  Because now you need to do it.  You stood there, looking at my FACE, and IGNORED THE WORDS COMING OUT OF IT.
HIM:  I didn’t ignore, I was distracted by your pretty face!
OFFSPRING:  (arrives)  You rang?
ME:  (shouting)  Get down here!
HIM:  (laughing)  Coming!
ME:  When you came down, I called out, thinking you were our son.  I said that I’d wanted him to…. what?
HIM:  Something about the soda bread?
OFFSPRING:  He said sourdough.
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  OH MY GOD.

 

omg

 

 

 

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10 comments on “It’s a Happy Rage

  1. Victor K says:

    Are you sure that’s not on purpose? That feels like something an engineer would think is funny.

    On the other hand, I can back up the fact that I have gotten distracted by looking at my beautiful wife while she is talking. It can happen. Not my best moment, I admit, but still.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. shaunkellett says:

    I think it’s a well known fact we (Men) don’t listen… I think we hear tones of voice, more than content, and we use that to judge whether to nod, or smile, or to know when we need to do something… Becomes an issue when it’s the latter and we’ve forgotten what it is we need to do!

    A woman at my work once said “Women only nag because men don’t listen the first time” but often we don’t listen the second or third time either!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I won’t go so far as to gender code it, but I’ll agree that I only nag when someone is a known non-listener. And I’m even guilty of generalizing: in one office, I learned that the sales staff couldn’t be arsed to absorb anything the administrative staff said or wrote the first time or the fifth, so I took to emailing, them, cc’ing their boss, walking by and reminding them, leaving a voicemail, reminding them of the voicemail…. I annoyed myself and there was probably more than one new guy who got it the first time and thought I was just a natural nag.

      Like

  3. Arionis says:

    On behalf of all men let me say… I enjoyed reading this funny post about ferrets. *ducking*

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Barb R says:

    I have observed a related but opposite condition in both my husband and our daughter (leading me to think that this particular affliction is genetic but not tied to the Y chromosome). In this condition the afflicted will walk into a room talking, walk through the room talking and leave the room talking without ONCE noticing that I was trying to read (in my case, severely difficult text books, I was not impressed). This affliction appeared in our daughter as a teen and has continued unabated to this day. I will have to check with my mother-in-law to see if she has made similar observations.
    Grounds for justifiable homicide, just sayin’

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Angela Sims says:

    I have used the Made-Up Silly Word technique. Of course, all testing failed, even though I give props to my husband for positive responses. Such as Mmmmmmk, Mmmmhhmm, and Yes, you are so right. Pointing this out, he gave the standard, “but writers make up words all the time!” I sort of huffed and said yes, but we don’t do it in complete sentences.

    I think he had already stopped listening though.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. gingerbread76 says:

    Years ago I made a Facebook post about this… in my case, Tarzan doesn’t start listening until I’m roughly halfway through whatever I’m saying. It’s like it takes him that long to realize I’m talking. For example, if I said to him, “We should get a fire extinguisher, in case there’s ever a fire in the kitchen.” he might jump up, alarmed, and run to the kitchen… looking for the fire.

    Liked by 1 person

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