Congratulations on stumbling, sluggish and narrow-eyed, through another utterly useless week. Together we have accomplished little and mocked the rest, and that’s called living life to the fullest! According to Wikipedia and this handy map, most of us are spending this weekend either basking in the insufficient gifts of motherhood or stewing in guilt for said gifts. Hats off to those countries (see links above) who already got it out of the way. Me? I’m getting waffles and flowers and a whole day of “but we’re gonna do what I want to do, right?” Which is technically not all that different from any other day, but still! Waffles!
Maybe it’s all the rush flower deliveries and overbooked restaurants, but I’m sensing a greater-than-usual need for motivation among my people. Never fear, I’ve got another childhood classic all lined up for your motivational consumption. Unless you’re new, in which case you have to click the Not Exactly Motivational link—think of it as orientation. The rest of you may proceed normally.