Also, I’m a Stripper

 

We have reached that magical time of year when we fight over the thermostat.

 

spring expectations vs reality (Tangled sunny garden vs. Emperor's New Groove raining on llama)

I genuinely hate spring.

 

 

The issue: in order to avoid the migraines brought on by the sudden increase in humidemies,* I crank the AC to help dry out the air.  Husband, whose back muscles apparently seize up in the cold, comes fe-fi-fo-fumming around to find out why he can see his breath and just like that we’ve got an argument going!

 

And to think, some couples have to wait until relatives visit or someone has an affair.  #blessed

 

 

 

The thing is, the solution to all this cold air blasting at us is super-simple: dress in layers and maybe build a fire once in a while if you love me, right?

 

Husband can only be reasoned with when the temperature outside is above 62°F.**

 

All of this to say that it’s still cold outside and it’s not actually much better inside and that’s a bit of a sore point around here, for obvious reasons.  Hell, I’m not happy either—I got temperature-sensitive polish on my nails and I’ve never even seen the “warm” color!

 

ME:  Honey?  Where’s my grey sweatshirt?
HIM: (holding up shirt)  This one?
ME:  No, the other one.  (gesturing) with the neck…
HIM:  (checking the bedroom) I don’t see it up here… where else would it be?
ME:  I dunno…
HIM:  Wait, you mean to tell me that you just take your clothing off in random locations?
ME:  You like that about me!
HIM:  …Not the point!

 

Stargate Jack O'Neill, "not the point"

Yet somehow, I love him enough to throw in this reference.

 

 

And now—just you wait—he’s going to make my “lack of organization skills” a great big issue. 

 

I tell you, if it wasn’t for the humidemies I’d honestly be looking forward to summer at this point.

 

Friends Monica with giant hair, "it's the humidity!"

No, it’s the humidemies.

 

 

 

 

 

* Microscopic organisms of pure evil who require a very moist environment to survive; they cause hair frizz, migraines, allergies, asthma, mascara smudge, and arthritis.  Possibly related to spiders.

 

** Trust me, I’ve put in the research: that’s the line.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

24 comments on “Also, I’m a Stripper

  1. josypheen says:

    Could you just buy a dehumidifier? That way you wouldn’t have to change the temperature and you’d be in marital bliss…but with less to blog about…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I LOVE this magical time of the year! My boyfriend and I argue about the same exact thing. I get really hot and HATE being hot. He is always cold (total reversed roles) and we argue from mid-May to Mid-September! AHHHH. I LOVE this time of year! PUT ON MORE CLOTHES IF YOU ARE COLD.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. JenS says:

    I was going to suggest the dehumidifier, but that was already suggested. Did you check to make sure the humidifier on your Furnace isn’t running?

    Husband and I are constantly changing the temperature in the house, but it will be a mutual decision. We both ask each other before making any changes. Luckily, over the years I have converted Husband into liking the “ice box” house because he can wear his much-loved sweaters. I love wearing blankets all year round (no idea why), which is mainly why I like it so cold.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Husband looks so adorable in sweaters, it is the cruelest sort of irony that he hates them. He says they’re too confining. (He seriously wears tshirts in winter and just wears a heavier coat. See how unreasonable???)

      Like

    • I just called Husband up to ask about the humidifier on the furnace, horrified that such a thing might be operating in my home. His response?

      “We unplugged that when we bought the house. I mean, it might get switched back on someday… after we sell. But only if we mention it.”

      I’ve got actual heart eyes right now.

      Like

  4. Angela Sims says:

    Hee. Your post made me hand over my phone to my sweatered better half demanding he read it immediately. After much snorting on his end, I was able to flail about (sans pants), while yelping something about not being alone and I somehow now had valid reasons to crank the ac down. So I did. And he went muttering to the porch.

    You are awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Victor K says:

    I absolutely hate the heat and my wife and daughter can’t stand the cold. As soon as it gets above 5 C I’m in shorts as often as possible. I’ll give you the answer to use that I always go to when my family asks how I can possibly be warm when it’s that cold outside: “Grow some blood, you lizard!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • I freely admit that I am cold-blooded (actually, my father was the first one to point that out, but let’s not bring up painful childhood birthdays). And it’s true: I only have about three bloods. Or however they say it. (Fact: I can’t donate. They won’t take it. They do, however, gently remind me that they’ve got plenty to spare if I ever feel ready to accept charity.) But as long as I’m able to control the thermostat and the noise level in this house, I am entitled to my creature comforts the same as any of you mammals.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Arionis says:

    I’m pretty sure the solution is that one of you is going to have to wear a NASA space suit.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Move to Ireland love, you’ll have no problem with the heat believe me 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. We do not even have an air conditioner. Currently we have a non functional attic fan. But the lowest level of the house (not a basement) seems to be concrete and half under ground, so it’s pretty cool down there. However, I pay the utility bills, and all winter I’m on people to dress warmer at home and cover up if they are cold. Last week I turned the heat off. we are supposed to get snow on Thursday. I’m not reminding anyone I turned the heat off haha

    Liked by 1 person

  9. gingerbread76 says:

    Yep, Tarzan and I have this problem, actually all year long. I like heat in the winter, but I don’t want to walk into my home and be hit by a wall of heat. He would keep the house 78 degrees year round. It’s not something I will negotiate on. Not with a man who is sitting in his underwear all the time. If you’re still cold after you’ve put on PANTS, maybe we can talk.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s