Spoiler: there is a sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy.
I think it’s been long enough that most of you have seen it. If not, tough shit.*
As many of you know, Rocket is my spirit animal. So naturally, we intended to see GotGV2 on opening night. However, I also kind of wanted to see it with some friends and sometimes there must be compromise.
ME: Can we go see Guardians 2 next weekend?
ME: Can we see it with K and her boyfriend?
K: He wasn’t exactly going to say no with me sitting right here.
ME: And can we go bowling with them, too?
ME: Why not?
HIM: Because I’ll hurt.
HIM: I’ll think it’ll be fine, and then I’ll fling a 16-pound ball and hurt myself.
ME: So don’t use a 16-pounder! They’ve got smaller balls than that! Use a 10-pound. Hell, they’ve even got an 8 or a 6 if you’re willing to look!
HIM: (scoffs) I’ve got bigger balls in my pants.
ME: (rolls eyes) No.
ME: You see what I put up with?
K: Is this going on your blog?
HIM: Nah, I say way stupider things than that.
We’d planned on Sunday (Husband did some flailing and whining because goddamned Aussies had already had it for weeks and I was making him “avoid spoilers”** but I prevailed because Seeing It With Friends, right?) but then K surprised us on Saturday so I considered us ahead of the game at that point. We sorted out show times, Husband and I made an early dinner and we got out the door with the plan to arrive about 30 minutes before our chosen show for good seats.
HIM: So I’ve managed to avoid most major spoilers—
ME: Well I’ve avoided all spoilers, so stop talking and don’t ruin it.
HIM: … but I do know how many after-credits scenes there are.
ME: Are you kidding me? I just said no spoilers!
HIM: That’s not a spoiler!
ME: The way you said it is! Now I know there’s more than one!
HIM: It’s a Marvel movie—
ME: Nope, movie’s ruined. Fuck this, let’s just go home—
HIM: (brakes hard)
ME: Okay, but seriously, no spoilers!
ME: In fact, it’s best if you just stop talking altogether.
HIM: You keep saying that!
I was texting with K as we drove to the theater; she’d gotten there ahead of us and was saving good seats, so we relaxed a little. She commented that it was filling up fast, and I thought “wow, good thing they got there even earlier to grab extra seats!”
Spoiler: I am an idiot.
Just as we got up to the ticket counter, the nice lady at the register opposite ours shouted over growing crowd, “If you’re here for Guardians of the Galaxy the only shows we have left are….”
I texted K to tell her they were sold out.
She was standing there, judging me.
Spoiler: we saw the movie, and it was amazing.
After some discussion of my fuck-up, and K’s explanation that Boyfriend had plans later with someone she’s keeping me from meeting so I don’t kill him (fair enough—he’s rumored to be loud and annoying, and everyone agrees I will rip his face off and snack on it while he cries) we sent her back into the theater and bought tickets to the last available show. Then we went home to wallow in our stupidity, because why did I not buy them online as soon as we decided on a time? Seriously, I’ve bought tickets days in advance, and this one time I figured nobody else would want to see a movie?
But we did see it! And it was excellent and amazing and Groot and all the things I could possibly ask for in a movie so waiting a few extra hours really isn’t anything to complain about!
Spoiler: I can always find something to complain about.
ME: Everything about that movie was awesome. Perfection. Don’t change a thing.
ME: How cheesy was that “not with your head, with your heart” bit? I mean, come on.
HIM: Okay, yeah, that was bad.
ME: That and the new studio logo.
HIM: What about it?
ME: It’s like five minutes of “remember these movies? They were great, right? Don’t you wish you were watching any one of them right now? Well you’re not. You’re here to watch something else entirely, so fuck you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
HIM: You need to stop watching CinemaSins.
Oh, but in case this post did actually spoil something for you, or your day just isn’t going well?
* I will still avoid spoilers because I’m a decent fucking human being (I’m still mad at someone for a Force Awakens spoiler—you know who you are).
** Which, seriously, I was not having any trouble with so he’s just hanging out in the wrong corners of the internet.