One… Two…

 

I had every intention of being all better by now, but instead I keep waking up with fresh symptoms… and friends who work in health care are nodding and saying helpful things like, “Has the vomiting started yet?” so I’d like to make one last plea to all parents: please keep your children home at all times, preferably in plastic bubbles, so that they don’t go around wiping their noses on the rest of the world.  Until that day, I’ll just keep telling myself that whiskey fudge will totally work better than anything my stupid doctor gives me. 

 

Side note; I think I’ve finally sorted my whiskey fudge recipe.

 

Rory Gilmore "you go, girl"

Intoxicatingly delicious.

 

Also, is anyone else binging House of Cards right now?  Of course you are, so let’s meet up next week to talk about it… nothing specific (we don’t punish the slow), just about how much we love all the things that are happening because holy crap, amirite?

 

Tyra Banks waves bye-bye

Okay, I love you, buh-bye!

 

 

 

Oh, shit.  Wait.  You’re here for a Conversation or something.  Um… how ‘bout this one?

 

 

ME:  (in the kitchen, getting ice cream)
HIM:  (downstairs, to the brindle dog)  You’re going to need to get off the couch before Mom comes back.*
ME:  (shakes head; he is not using Authority)
HIM:  One… Two… **
ME:  (finishes scooping ice cream, listens)
HIM:  Three…
ME:  (waits)
HIM:  (uncertain)  Four… Five…
ME:  (laughs)
HIM:  Six… Seven…
ME:  (doubles over laughing)
HIM:  Eight…
ME:  (finally coming downstairs)  There’d better not be a dog on the couch when I get there.
BRINDLE:  (suddenly alert, eyeballs me nervously)
HIM:  Nine…
ME:  (calmly)  Get off the couch.
BRINDLE:  (leaps off couch)
HIM:  Where were you???

 

Alice (from Wonderland) pointing out, "he mad"

 

 

 

* I don’t know why she does this, since it’s literally never worked, but every time one of us gets up off the couch, she moves over to take our spot.  And if it’s not her, it’s the other one.  They do it to each other on their own furniture, which is fine—I tell whomever comes whining, “move your feet, lose your seat.”  But they’re not meant to use that same logic on me!

 

** Yes, they respond to Counting, and yes I trained my dogs the same way I trained my kid.  Because I am lazy and this totally works.

 

 

 

 

 

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14 comments on “One… Two…

  1. Arionis says:

    I just want to know if you were scooping mash potatoes too? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I need to hear more about this whiskey fudge recipe.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Regina says:

    Very relatable. My husband has no authority with the pets. If they do something wrong he actually tells on them or he will just say, “yell at Chloe”. I would also like that whiskey fudge recipe.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. emilypageart says:

    You had me at “whiskey fudge.” Is that really a thing? Please say that’s really a thing. And then send me some because you lost me at “recipe.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Whiskey fudge is very real and it is magical. And once I’ve worked out the last of the kinks I’ll share the details with y’all, because it couldn’t be simpler. I cannot send you actual fudge, because I don’t trust my local postal employees not to eat them (they’re all drunks, as evidenced by the bizarre game we’re playing with my mail).

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Mia Sutton says:

    House of Cards, omg! So good. I mean, I love all the seasons of the show, but I think the 1st season and this season are my favorites. 🙂

    And it’s the opposite in my house – I’m usually the one doing the uncertain counting and then my hubs comes in the room and boom, the dog is like “your wish is my command, master”. Ugh. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Generally they listen to both of us, but sometimes she (in particular) will sort of look at him and gauge how much he cares about the thing he’s telling her to do. 7 or less, she’ll wait it out and see if he’s willing to send for reinforcements.

      Like

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