Summer has officially arrived.
I know this because my son is home all day now, which means daytime sex with my dreamy husband is but a memory. It also means that we don’t have to deal with all his school shit, but I’m thinking now that I’d trade all that to not have him kicking around the house all summer.
We’ll add that to the list of things you can’t do anything about, eh? Now then, I vaguely recall, in my fever-addled state, promising to discuss House of Cards with you. Which I will not do other than to say holy shit, what is even, I don’t know! Are we getting all Claire next season? More Claire? No Claire at all because what did she just do? And who in the hell is Jane Davis, because she is my new favorite thing in the whole goddamned world!
HIM: Are you ready for bed?
ME: No. It’s early!
ME: Yeah. (checks phone) It’s 1:00
HIM: Oh my God.
ME: It’s early!
HIM: Yeah, early. As in, it used to be late and now it’s early.
HIM: Make you a deal—we can watch one more but you have to drive the boy in to school in the morning.
ME: Oh, you know I’m bad at mornings. I just skip ‘em.
HIM: Exactly, but you’re ruining mine.
ME: (plops head in his lap, makes flirty eyes) Have you ever noticed how pretty I am?
HIM: No, but that’s because I’m late and it’s tired!
HIM: I messed that up… but it’s still true!
ME: (still laughing)
HIM: I love you! Cuz that’s going in the blog, isn’t it?
ME: (reaches for phone)
HIM: (sighs, queues next episode)
Nope, we are not talking about season 5. We. Are. Not. Because I’ve got a year and a bit until another season, and that year is going to be filled with shitty real-world politics and it’s too much.
We are also not going to talk about Orange is the New Black, because I’m emotionally wrung out and it’s still too raw. Give me a few days, and then—if you want to hear a rant—ask me what the holy hell Pensatucky was thinking. But for now? We’re not talking about it.
Instead, let’s talk about why I still can’t buy a plastic swimmy pool for my damned dogs. Toys R Us around here doesn’t carry them (for reasons known only to the Incompetent Overlords) until JULY. Sure, they could make do with the one they had last year, but it’s getting pretty ragged after several years of intermittent use and storage, not to mention the fact that it’s too small. Brindle wants a bigger swimmy pool, one that she can share with her brother and maybe a foster friend. I would like for her to have one of those really nice ones with a drain in the bottom, but the store only gets like three of those in each season, and they sell out the first week the pools come in, which isn’t an announced event it just sort of happens one swelteringly hot day when I’ve given up all hope of ever seeing a plastic kiddie pool for sale. Why do they do this to me???
And yes, I’m convinced that this is a personal slight. This cannot possibly be, as they claim, a “regional thing” or a “distribution issue”. Puh-lease.
* If you didn’t read that in the Gauntlet voice, I don’t know how to help you.
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