Sometimes, believe it or not, it’s not him.
Sometimes it’s me.
On these rare and special occasions, he cannot wait to tell me about his Actual Conversation with His Wife. I, in turn, report them to you because that’s obviously what he’s hoping for. Also, I’m worried I’ll run out of material someday, and this sort of thing provides a buffer.
HIM: Do you remember when I came to bed last night?
ME: …No?
HIM: I came in all quiet and you said, “What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?”
ME: Well, what were you doing?
HIM: Coming in to bed! So I said, “I’m just coming to bed,” and you said, “What? What? What?”
ME: (laughs)
HIM: So I said (quietly) “Shh, I’m coming to bed.”
ME: And?
HIM: And you said, “What??”
ME: (collapses with laughter)
HIM: So I realized that there was no point arguing with you at that point.
ME: (still laughing) I was asleep!
HIM: I figured that out! I counted; you said “what” nine times, then three, then one, so it was factors of nine.
ME: (literally cannot stop laughing)
HIM: I thought about waking you up to explain that I was just going to bed, but that seemed like a bad idea.
ME: Oh yeah. Don’t wake me up for shit like that. Because I can’t fall back asleep, so I’d be yelling at you for waking me up just to tell me you’re coming to bed.
HIM: And then I’d say, “What? What? What?”
ME: (shakes head) Tch, you’d be sleeping downstairs. Shouting “what” over and over? ‘S a dick move.
HIM: (laughs)
And that, friends, is why “What?” is now a loaded question in our house.
What? 😉
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Found the smartass! 😉
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My boyfriend works nights and I, like a normal person, work days. He usually gets home and into bed about an hour before my alarm goes off AKA the moment when I’m most deeply asleep. I love getting, “Do you want to know what you said when I got into bed?” texts from him later that day, I find sleepy me to be hilarious.
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For sure this is much better than the time he accused me of barking in my sleep – at least this probably happened!
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LOL that is hilarious! Are you sure it didn’t happen 😉
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As we’ve established, I talk in my sleep. I will shout, argue, bully, and even whine about how mean you’re being (waking me up and all) in my sleep. But that’s all.
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That is hilarious!
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Probably less so at the time, but I wasn’t awake for that bit so who cares?
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Hahahaaaa! That’s hilarious. My hubs always comes to bed late and sometimes I freak out because I must be dreaming or something. Next time I’ll just ask ‘what’ a bunch of times and see what he does. LOL.
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If he’s a reasonable man, he’ll leave quietly and sleep elsewhere.
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Charming post. Reminds me of the time I had to apologize to my wife for something “I did” in one of her dreams.
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That happens a lot around here… he’s even had to apologize for things he did right before he turned into someone else. My logic is, he must be at least a little bit like that or else my brain wouldn’t go telling me that story while I sleep. I’m just not that creative, you see.
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Ever see the movie Pulp Fiction? That famous scene with Jules and Brett (?)… “Say “what” again! Do they speak English in What?” That’s what this reminded me of. If you haven’t seen the movie, here’s the scene on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wEnb9yIoes (this scene is rated R for language and violence)
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If he hadn’t been so tired, he probably would have come back with “Say ‘what’ one more goddamned time!”
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hehehe love stopping by here to get my regular reminder that no matter how crazy I think I am, we’re still on the good end of the “normal” spectrum.
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Crazy checks: just one more service we provide!
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My kids learned that the best time to ask Mommy for money is when she’s asleep.
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Ooh, I used to do that… then my parents learned to stop keeping money by the bed, so it stopped working.
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