You’ve probably noticed by now that mine is the only US-based blog that didn’t do an eclipse post.
All I wanted was to post some shitty pictures of the eclipse, but we had 157% cloud cover, so that didn’t happen.
Then the Sock Monkey showed me how to plan the next one, and I decided to tell you about my plans for 2024.
But when I talked to Husband about all that, he brought up Erie. So now I have to tell you about Erie before I can do anything else. Because I’m trying to do that thing where I tell stories in chronological order, except clearly I’m doing it wrong.
You know what? I’ll shorthand it. Because Erie was a stop on that first road trip, which is going in The Book* anyway.
Husband and I were on a road trip, and stopped off in Erie, PA for orange juice and other necessities. As we were leaving the store we paused to make out, because we were still a new couple and needed to practice often. Coming up for air, we found a local woman staring at us with a huge grin on her beaming face.
“Aww, that’s so cyooot!” she enthused. “Are you two brother and sister?”
Y’all, his tongue had just been in my mouth. We were not being subtle. And, I must emphasize: she really thought that our obvious sexual chemistry was an adorable byproduct of our close familial ties. There was no sarcasm in her tone or her affect. She was clearly hoping we would say “yes.”
Apologies to any sane Pennsylvanians now reading, but we haven’t been back to your state since.
Ngyah. Sorry, had to go pace for a bit and work out some full-body shudders just remembering that story. Where was I?
Right. Eclipse. Full confession? I didn’t even get around to picking up eclipse glasses. Which worked out okay, because of the clouds. But don’t tell anyone else who was affected by the cloud cover, in case they blame my lack of preparedness for the weather.**
Good thing I’ll get another chance, in 2024!
ME: (via skype) https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2024-april-8#
ME: I’ve picked our 2024 destination. Can you guess?
ME: FUCK NO. Tourist Central, yuck! Although a boat off the coast is my second choice.
HIM: Erie, PA.
HIM: What, it’s right on the totality path!
ME: Don’t care.
HIM: And they’re okay with incest.
ME: We’re not related!
ME: NEWFOUNDLAND. I’m actually pretty flexible once we get to Newfoundland; all of it’s pretty.
ME: I HAVE SPOKEN.
HIM: That’s pretty late in the day, full eclipse after 5pm.
ME: So? We’ll make a little holiday of it!
HIM: Newfoundland isn’t exactly stocked with luxury tourist amenities… but we’ll wait until a year out and I’ll let you make all the arrangements.
ME: All I need is a little inn and a fishing village.
HIM: I actually liked the boat off Mazatlan.
ME: You hate boats.
HIM: A big boat! With a bartender.
ME: … A yacht? Planning on being rich in 2024?
HIM: Of course.
ME: We gonna have yacht money?
HIM: Why not?
ME: Because I was being serious and realistic. Do you even know what it costs to charter a crewed yacht?
HIM: … No?
ME: (googles) Looking at over $100k.
HIM: So powerball and we’re good, right?
ME: I’d still rather chill with the newfies. Bet they’re more pet friendly anyway.
* Which I’m actually working on, I swear, I’ve even given myself a schedule with dedicated writing days and everything.
** Totally possible. My friend owns a tent that causes rain and even tornadoes every time they take it out of the garage. Hurricane Sandy happened because they tried to loan it out.