2024

 

You’ve probably noticed by now that mine is the only US-based blog that didn’t do an eclipse post.

 

 

from Bedazzled, Sensitive Man crying at sunset

 

All I wanted was to post some shitty pictures of the eclipse, but we had 157% cloud cover, so that didn’t happen.

 

Then the Sock Monkey showed me how to plan the next one, and I decided to tell you about my plans for 2024.

 

But when I talked to Husband about all that, he brought up Erie.  So now I have to tell you about Erie before I can do anything else.  Because I’m trying to do that thing where I tell stories in chronological order, except clearly I’m doing it wrong.

 

 

cutting rectangular slice from middle of round cake

At least I’m not cutting cake wrong.  What nightmare fuckery is this?

 

You know what?  I’ll shorthand it.  Because Erie was a stop on that first road trip, which is going in The Book* anyway.

 

Husband and I were on a road trip, and stopped off in Erie, PA for orange juice and other necessities.  As we were leaving the store we paused to make out, because we were still a new couple and needed to practice often.  Coming up for air, we found a local woman staring at us with a huge grin on her beaming face.

 

“Aww, that’s so cyooot!” she enthused.  “Are you two brother and sister?”

 

Y’all, his tongue had just been in my mouth.  We were not being subtle.  And, I must emphasize: she really thought that our obvious sexual chemistry was an adorable byproduct of our close familial ties.  There was no sarcasm in her tone or her affect.  She was clearly hoping we would say “yes.”

 

Leia "I kissed my brother once" / Cersei unimpressed

The game the whole family can play!

 

Apologies to any sane Pennsylvanians now reading, but we haven’t been back to your state since.

 

Ngyah.  Sorry, had to go pace for a bit and work out some full-body shudders just remembering that story.  Where was I?

 

crowd of eclipse viewers

Shown: not my state.  Typical.

 

Right.  Eclipse.  Full confession?  I didn’t even get around to picking up eclipse glasses.  Which worked out okay, because of the clouds.  But don’t tell anyone else who was affected by the cloud cover, in case they blame my lack of preparedness for the weather.**

 

Good thing I’ll get another chance, in 2024!

 

 

 

ME:  (via skype) https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2024-april-8#
ME:  I’ve picked our 2024 destination.  Can you guess?
HIM:  Mazatlan.
ME:  FUCK NO.  Tourist Central, yuck!  Although a boat off the coast is my second choice.
HIM:  Erie, PA.
ME:  STAHP.
HIM:  What, it’s right on the totality path!
ME:  Don’t care.
HIM:  And they’re okay with incest.
ME:  We’re not related!
HIM:  Montreal?
ME:  NEWFOUNDLAND.  I’m actually pretty flexible once we get to Newfoundland; all of it’s pretty.
HIM:  …
ME:  I HAVE SPOKEN.
HIM:  That’s pretty late in the day, full eclipse after 5pm.
ME:  So?  We’ll make a little holiday of it!
HIM:  Newfoundland isn’t exactly stocked with luxury tourist amenities… but we’ll wait until a year out and I’ll let you make all the arrangements.
ME:  All I need is a little inn and a fishing village.
HIM:  I actually liked the boat off Mazatlan.
ME:  You hate boats.
HIM:  A big boat!  With a bartender.
ME:  … A yacht?  Planning on being rich in 2024?
HIM:  Of course.
ME:  We gonna have yacht money?
HIM:  Why not?
ME:  Because I was being serious and realistic.  Do you even know what it costs to charter a crewed yacht?
HIM:  … No?
ME:  (googles)  Looking at over $100k.
HIM:  So powerball and we’re good, right?
ME:  I’d still rather chill with the newfies.  Bet they’re more pet friendly anyway.

 

 

Iceberg off the coast of St John's

Plus, I spent forever trying to pick just one gorgeous picture.  ‘s beautiful… if it weren’t for the lack of delivery options, I’d be moving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Which I’m actually working on, I swear, I’ve even given myself a schedule with dedicated writing days and everything.

** Totally possible.  My friend owns a tent that causes rain and even tornadoes every time they take it out of the garage.  Hurricane Sandy happened because they tried to loan it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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41 comments on “2024

  1. lariatlarge says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m planning a trip to the Andes in December 2020. Come along 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Victor K says:

    That’s the best way to slice cake IF (and it’s a big if) it’s not all going to be eaten in one sitting. You press the halves together and the whole thing stays moist. Not really an issue in most households, I would guess, but still – it’s a thing.

    Newfoundland is wonderful! Just for the sake of the eventual story, you have to stay in Dildo (totally a real place)! There’s a song about it and everything.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ely says:

    Lmao!! This is hysterical. Also- I had NOTHING to do with the eclipse. And I’m a science freak. Meh. It’s safe to say that eclipses just don’t impress me all that much. People may hate me for saying that lol. Oh well. Best of luck on your 2024 trip!! Looking forward to reading all about it lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not generally impressed by them, but this one was directly overhead and easy enough, so I figured “what the hell.” Apparently even that was too much enthusiasm. I’m probably ruining everything by going all “I’m going to NEWFOUNDLAND!” for 2024, but it’s really gorgeous and there are puffins and icebergs and canals and lovely people so I think I’ll be fine even if the universe decides, “You know what? No. She’s spent money on this, The eclipse is OFF. You can go explain yourself to NASA, miss.”

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Newfoundland is on many people’s “must visit” list, including mine. I’d love to go and meet you there, but April? That’s for sure a gamble, and the weather is bound to win. (So now I’ve totally Murphy Law’d this by saying as much and the weather will be fine. Spectacular. Best eclipse viewing EVER!)

    Love how you, too, battle the urge to keep things in chronological order. Like they need to know the back story in order to get the reference. Though in this case, it was necessary. Gross, but necessary.

    Fun post, thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. josypheen says:

    Oh no for your friends tent causing rain!

    I totally get that though. My sister had a pair of large white umbrellas that we bought for her wedding (back in like 2006!) We left them in the packaging so it didn’t rain. Then my mum started lending them out to her friend’s daughters on their wedding days…each time the rain stayed away! We used them for both my sisters and my wedding – they were still working.

    …and then mum lent them to a friend who didn’t give them back…so maybe they lost their power now…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That brother sister thing is hilarious.

    Also, write your book. I’ll totally buy it.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. LittleFears says:

    Hah. Well, it is your fault everyone got cloud cover for this one, but by 2024, the dolphins will have taken over and we will be enslaved under the sea. Don’t go planning that trip just yet!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well now. We are much more alike than you thought! I didn’t make an eclipse post either!!! 🙂
    oh.
    wait.
    you did.
    hmmmmm…..
    now I’m confused.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Arionis says:

    Don’t you have a thing with the cold? It’s cold in Newfoundland and no amount of Dildo action will warm it up.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. alawrenceg says:

    I would love to see a full eclipse when the sun is low on the horizon, like at sunset.

    Liked by 1 person

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