I Just Remembered…

 

There is a thing that happens around here so often, I forget to mention it to you.

 

I’m not really going to go into it now, either.

 

Annoyed reader in front of her laptop in her office

“Then what am I supposed to do?  My job?”

 

 

Well, I am, but only in passing and only because this time Husband really blew his lid, and I know how you enjoy that.

 

 

excited woman at laptop

“Suck it, work!”

 

 

Recall, if you please, a few pertinent facts:

 

  1. I am generally not permitted to take part in the grocery shopping, for reasons of expediency, space, and budget.
  2. I am me.
  3. Husband is an Engineer.*

 

The thing: while in the grocery store, he will receive a call or a text, “reminding” him of a thing I forgot to put on the list.  

 

Yes, I know, that’s not really A Thing.  But it was the catalyst for this exchange, and I needed to tell you about it in such a way that you would actually absorb the information.  Thank you for your cooperation

 

 

HIM:  (returns from the grocery)
ME:  Hey, did you get the—
HIM:  Veggie stock?  Yeah, I did.  And you need to quit doing that shit.  I asked you before I left if you needed anything.
ME:  I didn’t remember then.
HIM:  I asked you hours before!
ME:  And I didn’t remember until you were in the store!
HIM:  Quit doing that!
ME:  What, I should never forget anything, ever?
HIM:  Yes.  I’m reminding you now, so that should be sufficient.
ME:  FINE!  I’m remembering just now that you’re an asshole!
HIM:  I remind you of that every day!
ME:  (laughs)

 

 

Someone will, at some point, comment on my calling my husband an asshole.  Let me address this issue preemptively:

 

skype conversation, asking him to come talk

 

HIM:  What’s up?  What do you need?
ME:  (smiles, folds hands primly)  At some point, my readers are going to take issue with the fact that I call you an asshole.
HIM:  (chuckles)
ME:  So, for the record: are you an asshole?
HIM:  (solemnly)  I open my mouth and shit comes out.  Yes, I’m an asshole.
ME:  …
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  (facepalms)  I don’t… why was I not recording?  There’s something wrong with me.
HIM:  (laughing)  It’s true!
ME:  And that’s your definitive answer on the subject?
HIM:  Yes.  By every definition and measure of the term, I am that thing.
ME:  A… all right then.

 

 

Generally he just says “But I am an asshole.”

 

Trust him to fuck up his line.  Engineers!

 

engineer complicates 1+1=2

His response?  “It checks out”

 

 

 

 

 

* The most unreasonable of bipeds.

 

 

 

 

 

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12 comments on “I Just Remembered…

  1. Victor K says:

    First: Engineer = Asshole. That’s just a given.

    Second: Who *doesn’t* do that? Is there some mythical demigod out there who actually writes shit down right away when they run low on something? That sounds like a really boring person who I wouldn’t want to spend time with. Or my mom, but she gets a pass because she bakes things for me still.

    Third: Don’t know about anyone else but the link I got in the email notice this morning was broken. I had to open it side by side with the proper website link to see that the date in the email link was 2017-09-07. Never ever a criticism, just getting info out there so that hopefully it doesn’t stop others from finding the funny.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yup, you’ve seen behind the curtain. Sometimes WordPress and I have these little… disagreements. Like when I click “schedule” and WordPress decides what I meant was “post that shit right fucking now instead of in a few hours.” Then I go around, doing all the cleanup I can, but I can’t recall alerts that were sent, because they’re not sent by carrier pigeons.

      And I don’t actually know how to train pigeons anyway. I know a guy who was into it, and he explained it once; I fell asleep partway through. So that’s why you don’t have pigeon alerts. Don’t even bother asking for them.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Mrs. Peel says:

      I keep a post-it note in the kitchen with two columns: “Grocery” and “Walmart”. I add to the columns as things come up.

      Then I leave the note in the kitchen and go to the store.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ann says:

    My husband will be the first to admit he’s an asshole. In fact he’ll say “I’m an asshole so sue me”. I admire his honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lutheranliar says:

    As usual, you slay me. Say hello to the Engineer for me. My Dad was one (!) so I kinda get what you mean (!!!)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this because it is so real!! I call mine a poo lizard (as in V – the show about the lizard aliens that come to earth)… I like to tell him to go eat mice when he is being a poo lizard! … thank you again for making me laugh x

    Liked by 1 person

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