My haunting season is officially over, though I’ve still got to face one final wave of the unwashed masses.
You germy bastards are for sure trying to kill me. But you won’t win this year!
Speaking of, before I forget (again) this happened when I went for my migraine injections recently:
RECEPTIONIST: And have you traveled outside the country or been exposed to anyone with the flu virus in the last 30 days?
ME: Travel no, but flu almost certainly.
RECEPTIONIST: (terrified look)
ME: I work in a haunted house. People are nasty.
RECEPTIONIST: Um… do you know for sure that any of them—
ME: I touch over 500 people on a slow night. About half of them wipe their noses right before getting up in my space. I assume that all of them were carrying something horrible and nobody ever washes their hands.
RECEPTIONIST: … (looks ill, leans away) We’ll call you in a bit.
But I’ve miraculously survived without catching a plague this year, which means either my immune system is badass or that essential oils aren’t pure bullshit. Probably a little bit of both, since I can still be brought low by the things Offspring brings home.
In other news, the weather is finally turning—or, if you ‘re not buying into that climate change hoax, our autumn temperatures are right on schedule and I’ve always been able to leave my sweaters packed away until mid-November—so we’re in that narrow sweet spot where I’m done bitching about the heat (humidemies) and not yet losing toes to frostbite.
Husband kicked on the heat, just to be safe; this isn’t his first rodeo.
ME: Ugh, I did not sleep well last night.
HIM: Because of the cold?
ME: No… I wore comfy jammies.
ME: Because… you’re going to laugh at me.
HIM: (sighs, braces)
ME: I kept waking up because I kept having these dreams.
ME: I was doing makeup in the trailer—you know, working on really close detail—and I’d step back to check the overall effect and BAM! Scary fucking monster face in my face.
ME: I said don’t laugh!
HIM: (still laughing) I wish I remembered my dreams… maybe then I could have a blog.
ME: Tch. Doubt it. You don’t even like haunted houses.
Now to spend the next few weeks catching up on some reading, world events, and Netflix.* Give me a week or two to rest up and I’ll be ready to coat the house in glitter for Christmas!**
* Offspring and I managed to binge all the Saw movies in one epic marathon, but I still need to snuggle up with Husband for Stranger things.
** No, I am not kidding.