The actual, Officially-Sanctioned-By-People-Who-Are-Not-Me Holiday Season is approaching.
My holidays began last month, of course, and I’m still riding the haunting buzz.
HIM: (resting on heating pad)
ME: (climbs onto bed, grabs phone)
ME: (smirks) Still got it.
It should come as no surprise to any of you that we’ve already hauled up the Christmas lights and started checking them with the magic Christmas gun. What’s upsetting to me is that we’re not the first in our neighborhood to get them up this year, and wouldn’t have been no matter how fiercely I whipped my menfolk: our new neighbor a few doors down had them up on November 1st.
But I understand that not everyone is ready. Some people have smaller hearts, with only so much room for joy and love and merriment. Some people even have pine allergies, and I weep for them—I really do.
Offspring—and I consider this a happy accident, but Husband calls it a survival adaptation—shares my love of the holiday season and Christmas in particular. His girlfriend, it seems, will need some persuading. Or training, depending on your perspective.
OFFSPRING: Girlfriend and I have been dating for over two years now, and she still says I can’t start singing Christmas carols until after Thanksgiving!
ME: (smiles fondly) Remember that fight?
ME: Maybe you should tell him how it gets won, since he won’t listen to me—he’s trying to win outright instead of wearing her down.
HIM: You’re the better one to explain it. From my perspective, I said no—
ME: (to Offspring) And he wanted nothing Christmas until mid-December at the earliest.
HIM: And then you did it anyway.
ME: No… what happened was you took the hard line and I tried to go along with it, at least when you were around.
ME: But then I was so miserable, all the time, that you started offering me Christmas to cheer me up.
HIM: Well I started to notice that you’d run out of holiday cheer, and you really do need to refill.
ME: (to Offspring) So that’s how you gotta do it, kid.
HIM: Of course, it’s gotten better now that you’re haunting in October.
ME: (ponders) It has, hasn’t it? Huh. Isn’t that funny?
OFFSPRING: So you’re refilling your joy by sucking it out of others.
ME: NOT SUCKING, I AM SHARING JOY! THEY PAID TO BE THERE!!