Holi(all the)days

 

The actual, Officially-Sanctioned-By-People-Who-Are-Not-Me Holiday Season is approaching.

 

Turkey yelling at Santa to wait his turn

Who made this bullshit “one holiday per month” rule?

 

 

My holidays began last month, of course, and I’m still riding the haunting buzz.

 

 

HIM:  (resting on heating pad)
ME:  (climbs onto bed, grabs phone)
HIM:  (smiles)
ME:  Boo.
HIM:  Aaaah.
ME:  (smirks)  Still got it.
HIM:  (laughs)

 

 

 

It should come as no surprise to any of you that we’ve already hauled up the Christmas lights and started checking them with the magic Christmas gun.  What’s upsetting to me is that we’re not the first in our neighborhood to get them up this year, and wouldn’t have been no matter how fiercely I whipped my menfolk: our new neighbor a few doors down had them up on November 1st.

 

Welcome to Envy sign

I don’t even know how to match them, unless we don’t decorate for Halloween.  Which… I mean… No?

 

 

But I understand that not everyone is ready.  Some people have smaller hearts, with only so much room for joy and love and merriment.  Some people even have pine allergies, and I weep for them—I really do.

 

Offspring—and I consider this a happy accident, but Husband calls it a survival adaptation—shares my love of the holiday season and Christmas in particular.  His girlfriend, it seems, will need some persuading.  Or training, depending on your perspective.

 

 

OFFSPRING:  Girlfriend and I have been dating for over two years now, and she still says I can’t start singing Christmas carols until after Thanksgiving!
ME:  (smiles fondly)  Remember that fight?
HIM:  Yeah.
ME:  Maybe you should tell him how it gets won, since he won’t listen to me—he’s trying to win outright instead of wearing her down.
HIM:  You’re the better one to explain it.  From my perspective, I said no—
ME:  (to Offspring)  And he wanted nothing Christmas until mid-December at the earliest.
HIM:  And then you did it anyway.
ME:  No… what happened was you took the hard line and I tried to go along with it, at least when you were around.
HIM:  Uh-huh…
ME:  But then I was so miserable, all the time, that you started offering me Christmas to cheer me up.
HIM:  Well I started to notice that you’d run out of holiday cheer, and you really do need to refill.
ME:  (to Offspring)  So that’s how you gotta do it, kid.
HIM:  Of course, it’s gotten better now that you’re haunting in October.
ME:  (ponders)  It has, hasn’t it?  Huh.  Isn’t that funny?
OFFSPRING:  So you’re refilling your joy by sucking it out of others.
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  NOT SUCKING, I AM SHARING JOY!  THEY PAID TO BE THERE!!

 

 

Jack Skellington discovering Christmas lights

Nobody’s surprised this is one of my favorite movies, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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26 comments on “Holi(all the)days

  1. Jen says:

    Since our Thanksgiving (Canada) is over, we have been shoved into the world of Christmas. You need an earlier Thanksgiving so you will have time to really enjoy Christmas more thoroughly.

    Unfortunately, I do not like any Holiday very much. Too many bad experiences as a tween & teen. I used to get stuck buying my Parents gifts to each other and my own gifts and had to wrap everything.

    Anyways, don’t let Offspring be disappointed by the Girlfriend. He can hum/sing Christmas tunes all year if he wants too. Don’t let someone take the joy away from you. From someone that has lost their joy, never let yourself lose it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I did briefly have earlier Thanksgiving in the Pros column of moving to your country, but then I realized you’re stealing Halloween thunder and I can’t have that. There are enough other reasons, so I’d still go in a heartbeat if you’d have me… but I’ll be celebrating both Thanksgivings, and Halloweening right through yours.

      Like

  2. Gale says:

    Two words: pumpkin carols. Yep. Pumpkin Carols. They help bring in the Halloween joy, in the hopes that the Great Pumpkin will turn up! Yeah, it’s a ‘Peanuts’ thing, and Linus seems to be required to forget about the Great Pumpkin in the later month, as he turns up in the nativity play then. But! Pumpkin! Carols! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Michelle says:

    Hahahaha..I love you

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Arionis says:

    We are going to have to agree to disagree on this one (which I know by now, you’ll never do). Christmas decorations up on Nov 1st? No, all kinds of hell no. I’m no humbug. I love the holidays. I love them when they are here, not months before. IMHO there should be no Christmas anything until the day after Thanksgiving. Do you really need more than a whole month to celebrate it? It’s making it not special to me anymore. If you ate your favorite meal almost everyday would it continue to be your favorite meal? OK, I’ll get off my soapbox now. Go ahead and tell me how I am wrong.

    Liked by 3 people

    • So wrong. I actually had to go google whether anyone had ever been wronger than you are right now, and google was like, “Holy shit, no. I mean, I see some wrong-ass thinking, but Arionis is now ahead of everyone who insists that Halloween could someday fall on Friday the 13th!”

      First off, the Christmas season is where I get all my goodwill toward mankind. All of it. And it has to last the whole year. Do you really want me trying to go eleven months off what I managed to drink in during the “approved” month of December? And not even all of it, since some people insist Christmas is over on the 26th! So that’s only 25 days to get full up on the patience and generosity and joy that I’ve got to ration out the other 340.25 days. That means in each of the “approved” 25 days I need to not only enjoy the day enough to get that day’s joy, but I also need to absorb an extra 56.7 hours of joy to dole out on some regular day later in the year. All that and I still need to shop, wrap, bake, and attend parties? I’m no math whiz, but I’m married to one and he’s allotted me extra time for the task.

      Second, you’ve got only one favorite meal? That’s so sad! Remind me to send you some recipes—I’m in a good mood right now, thanks to my holly jolly tunes. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Maybe your neighbors put up Christmas decorations ridiculously early because they felt so completely humbled by your amazing Halloween display. They’re trying to keep up with you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I barely have time to wipe my arse never mind think of putting up Christmas decorations. Enjoy it while you can… I love Christmas but I’m not ready for it yet x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My birthday is in December, and I’m egotistical enough to insist that nobody in my household even thinks about getting Christmassy until we’re done with my day.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. NancyJMS says:

    My sisters birthday is middle of January, and she gets to keep her xmas decorations up till then, as they change to birthday decorations after the 12th night.

    Liked by 1 person

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