Finishing Each Other’s Sandwiches

 

I complain about him a lot, and I write about us fighting or shouting at each other a lot—partly because I honestly believe these things are vital to a healthy marriage, but also because they’re more entertaining than two people who snuggle and agree and say “I love you” over and over.

 

 

gross pus-dribbling Jeff Goldblum from The Fly saying "That's disgusting"

 

 

But then stuff like this happens, and I realize that I need to show you this side of our marriage sometimes.  If for no other reason than to model the correct technique for interrupting your partner.

 

Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift at VMA's

Shown: incorrect technique.

 

 

HIM:  So I’m out of beer at home, finally.
ME:  Yeah, he asked me if beer goes bad and I thought about it and said “go is the wrong verb.”  So he asked if it gets worse and I didn’t have an answer.
HIM:  Beer is how they used to preserve—
ME:  But it does skunk—
HIM:  If exposed to light.  So if you use clear bottles—
ME:  Who does that?
HIM:  … like Miller High Life—
ME:  Oooh, yeah, they do.  And Coors!  And Corona, bleh.
HIM:  … Then you’re just asking for it to go bad—
ME:  Worse.
HIM:  … Yeah.  Heineken uses green bottles, which helps because it filters out the infrared, but it doesn’t filter the UV at—
ME:  You’d need an amber tint, like—
HIM:  … Brown glass was basically invented for beer, yes.
ME:  Oh my god, does this mean my sunglasses are literally beer goggles?
HIM:  (laughing)
ME:  You love me!

 

 

dog wearing novelty beer glasses

Can confirm: you’re lookin’ finer than snausages.

 

 

Note for beer lovers: please don’t try to help me.  I hate beer because it’s gross, and that’s okay; you like it because it looks, smells, and tastes like someone else drank it first and no one is judging you for that.*  I’ve heard that I “just haven’t tried the right beer” and as a result wasted many precious hours of my life at tastings.  Give it up—I’m a lost cause.  It’s the hops!  I can’t stand ‘em.  They make my nose wrinkle and my lips pull back and my tongue try to flee and seek asylum.  Yes, there are beers made without hops, but there is also cider and wine and vodka and so many delicious options that I’m just gonna go ahead and leave the beer to the beer drinkers. 

 

man balancing beer bottle on giant beer belly

Winning, apparently.

 

 

I feel like that’s a fair compromise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* I am, obviously.

 

 

 

 

 

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24 comments on “Finishing Each Other’s Sandwiches

  1. Victor K says:

    Yes! That! All of that! Seriously, are you ever wrong?

    I drink beer with my dad as a bonding thing, but if given a choice won’t go near it. There is no such thing as a good beer, just maybe acceptable beer. Barely.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Phil Taylor says:

    I’m with you. I drink some beers sometimes, but I don’t love beer. It’s like drinking a loaf of bitter tasting bread.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gale says:

    Of course, you do know that, in posting this, you’re giving him hints on how to play you, right? 🙂 “Naked privileges”! Fantastic term! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like beer. I like wine better, though. But that last image? Now I need an eyeball transplant.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like beer.

    IT’S THE MINI MARSHMALLOWS ALL OVER AGAIN.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hate beer. My loved one adores it. It’s a marriage thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. hehehe I LOVE stopping by here. This is where reality meets what we WANT reality to be. And I’m about 1/8 of the way there to that totally impressive beer baby. (He IS winning)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Arionis says:

    Seeing as how I have a “Beer” category on my blog it’s obvious that I’m a beer drinker. However, I do not try to push it on others, nor do I tell people they are drinking the “wrong” beer. Those people are called beer snobs.

    On a related note, where did you get my picture? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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