Thoughts From The Shower

 

Technically, these are random thoughts from my morning bathroom trance.  But that sounded weird and gross and vaguely pervy in a bad way. 

 

creepy Bugs Bunny suited adult invites you to share his toilet seat

 

 

I’d go with Thoughts From the Bathtub (which Jenna Marbles already made famous, so half the work’s already done for me, right?) but I hate baths too much; they’re gross, and I can’t even pretend to enjoy soaking in mostly water.*

 

The 8 Stages of a Bath (getting gross)

 

 

So here’s some of the random shit I think about.  Welcome to my shower brain.

 

 

 

  • Why doesn’t the moon get sunglasses? In cartoons, the sun is always shown wearing sunglasses and the moon is always sleepy, even wearing a sleeping cap on the job.  But the moon is out all night with the sun full in his face, so shouldn’t he get the sunglasses?  He keeps moving all night too, so where’d that lazy/sleepy rep come from?  Hell, if anyone has an excuse to claim “sleepy” as their identity it’s the sun, who gets dragged out of bed at an ungodly hour every morning only to have a goddamned rooster scream at him.

cartoon rooster crowing at dawn

 

  • Hamilton says, “When all is said and all is done, Jefferson has beliefs. Burr has none.”  But.  Jefferson was the actual worst.  Holy shit—is it Hamilton’s fault that we got the trail of tears? Probably.  Would we still have got it if Burr had won?  Maybe.  I mean, Burr was such weak sauce that he would have been a puppet prez with Jefferson trail of tearsing from the sidecar.  Burr was still hella bland, tho.  President Mulligan, anyone?

gif from Hamilton musical, "Hercules Mulligan, I need no introduction"

 

  • Do spiders have no concept of ghosts? Or of death? Because we get creeped out when moving into a house where someone died or even just being in an old neglected space where we can imagine someone died at some point. It feels unsafe to us. But spiders will happily move in where an old web is and just build on that. Other animals won’t do that: rabbits will avoid abandoned warrens, birds won’t reuse a nest, and so on. Because an empty home spells death, and whatever killed the previous occupant might return… or still linger. Do spiders give zero fucks, or is their housing market just that competitive?  How badass are spider realtors?

spider realtor sells burning web to eager spider buyer

 

  • Could I have a chalkboard shower?  They make chalkboard paint—could I just paint the whole inside of the shower with that to have a convenient note board for these thoughts?  So much better than any of those shower notepads, plus I could doodle!  Who doesn’t love drawing with chalk?  I mean, it’d be kind of wasteful, standing around in the water just to draw pictures… and cramped, if I wanted to fully utilize my canvas… I could get a bigger shower, but that’s really wasting water.  I could use a tub/shower combo, but then I’d be drawing a bath and standing in gross bath water, or sitting in it, and I hate baths.  Plus, no shower!  What I really need is an indoor waterpark—probably in the basement, for drainage and space—with chalkboard walls and floors.  And fingerpainting, because why not?  OMG, we have to do that.  I should tell Husband… gah, I wish I had a way to write down these brilliant ideas in the shower… I wonder if I could do chalkboard paint in here… 

3D illusion sidewalk chalk art, whale peering through hole in cracked ice

 

  • Fog is creepy because it looks like ghosts, but it’s not.  Holy shit, what if it was?  We’d never hear them scream, because they’re ghosts, but we’re assholes walking right through what’s left of their bodies and ripping them apart… breathing them in… blinding them with high-beams and bitching the whole time about how thick they are—is that fat shaming for ghosts?  Holy fuck, fog is creepy. I’m staying in today.  

ghostly face screaming amid fog

 

 

 

 

 

And that’s what I’ve got for you so far.  Love it or hate it, do say something—otherwise, I’m likely to do the opposite of whatever it is you want me to do with these thoughts in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Let’s face it: when you take a bath, you’re splashing about in your own filth.  Even if you waste all the water and shower first, more skin flakes off while you’re soaking.  Think about that.  You’re making you soup and swimming in it.  But sure, go ahead and add some salts.

 

 

 

 

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25 comments on “Thoughts From The Shower

  1. Gale says:

    Okay, I’m going to leave aside all the things that floated to the top of my brain to comment, oddly so, on the photo of The rabbit on the toilet seat, as it moves over to one side (stage left or seat left?) to make room for someone to join him. Is this what the Easter bunny does in wintertime? Is this in some version of Easter bunny jail? And why, oh my, does he not offer his open lap to hear of Easter wishes? Ummm… There’s the line I shouldn’t have crossed! O.o

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Victor K says:

    Having Finn lineage means the best I can ever feel while getting clean is a sauna. Added bonus, it’s basically *encouraged* to drink while you’re in there. And relaxing for a few hours helps, too.

    But now I’ll be pondering the shower thoughts while I should be working. Damn it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jeccav says:

    I wish I could drink in the bath, but it mixes badly with my most-of-me. I haven’t had the floating toe lint experience, though… In my bathroom, it’s usually floating bits of my giant nepenthes plant (yeah, I’m a weirdo who showers with my plants).
    Also, I wanted to let you know you were nominated for the 2017 Blogger Recognition Award. Here’s more info if you’re interested in participating: http://marblecrow.com/blogger-recognition-award-2017/

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Arionis says:

    We are totally simpatico on the bath issue. No thanks. I just hurt my back moving a treadmill down a flight of stairs (which will be my excuse for not using the thing in the near future) and my wife suggested I take a hot bath. Instead I opted to stay home from work today, remain in bed, get hopped up on muscle relaxers, and find something to binge on Netflix.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Janice Wald says:

    Hi,
    You’re really funny! I loved Hamilton and saw it twice. I bathe daily and can totally relate. Off to share!
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  6. that rabbit gif might be the best thing I’ve seen on the internet today. I’m a bit weird

    Liked by 1 person

  7. LuWana Woodruff-Lentz says:

    Totally agree about the bath thing. I haven’t taken a bath for over 30 years. I know because I was pregnant and thought it would be “good for me” to “relax” in hot water. Yuk! And the rabbit gif? So disturbing–I love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Holy shit…your head is like a fun house! LOL!!! I think of crazy stuff too….but I must say you win my friend!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Trudy says:

    I totally agree about baths, I hate them. I get antsy and start to think of what I’m sitting in all the time. I have to be in some kind of pain to even entertain the thought. And spiders know there is someone still living in the house, you just see them…they’re the insects eating the dead person’s body.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Haha, this is great! I may end up doing a post like this myself, if I do I will definitely mention you (& your blog) as credit for inspiration. Damnit, now fog weirds me out! Hah. I only take baths for like 15-20 minutes because I get bored. I do shower fully before taking a bath never thought about skin flaking while in the bath. Ick!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. MegClift says:

    OMG! It’s like an epiphany – why doesn’t the moon have sunglasses?! Why did I never think of this before? Now I have a new subject to explore at 3am. Brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

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