I Might Be an Alien

 

What with Offspring all Graduated and Adulted and whatnot, things are weird around here.

 

Husband as Burt Reynolds naked on bearskin rug

There’s actually a story that goes with this photo… but you have to wait for it.

 

 

For one thing, there are no bedtimes… which means we’re all responsible for putting ourselves to bed at a reasonable, mature hour so we get enough sleep and can wake at the necessary time.

 

I, as it turns out, am especially bad about this.

 

Part of the issue is that I don’t notice how tired I’m getting until I literally collapse… which, yes, I realize makes me sound like either a toddler or a puppy.  Can we go with puppy?  Puppies are cuter.

 

dog chewing on iPhone

To be fair, who doesn’t do this?

 

HIM:  C’mon, it’s bedtime.
ME:  Mmm…
HIM:  Time to get you to bed.
ME:  Yeah…
HIM:  So you need to go upstairs.  To the bed.
ME:  Nnnuhh… need help.
HIM:  You want me to carry you?
ME:  No, just… build me an elevator.  ‘Member how you were going to build an elevator?
HIM:  Okay, I’ll get right on that.
ME:  (snuggling deeper)  Thnkyoo…
HIM:  …
ME:  …
HIM:  Okay, it’s done.  Go upstairs and get in the elevator.
ME:  What?  No, that’s not… Asshole.
HIM:  (laughs)
But the other part of the problem—the bit that’s more complicated to fix, since you asked—is that I don’t default to a 24-hour day.

 

history channel aliens guy

 

 

Yes, I’ve heard that theory.  And I’m 100% down with it, especially since it would mean I’m not related to my parents.  But seriously, your 24-hour day is weirdly confining for me and in order to make it work I have to wake myself with too little sleep and end up grumpy much of the day.  Or I can let myself sleep in, but then I’m not tired at a reasonable hour, and the day stretches out… then suddenly I’m Wednesdaying on your Friday.  So, Husband has his hands full.

 

HIM:  Bed now?
ME:  Nah.  One more episode.  (clicks)
HIM:  What time is it?
ME:  (glances at phone)  It’s early!
HIM:  (suspicious)  How early?
ME:  (reassuring)  Crazy early.
HIM:  (reaches for phone)
ME:  (moves phone out of reach)  Watch!  (points at screen)
HIM:  What time is it?
ME:  So early!
HIM:  (catching on)  What day is it?
ME:  … Monday?
HIM:  OH MY GOD.
ME:  But early!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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11 comments on “I Might Be an Alien

  1. That’s me! I do that! Lately, The Viking and I have been binge-watching Netflix and every morning I’m grumbling about “that last fucking episode we just had to watch” while I’m trying to get a cup of coffee with my eyes closed. :o)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m even worse, though… Husband will call “last episode” when he starts one, and I’ll suggest (oh-so-sweetly) “Do you want to play after this?” and pass him the controller when the episode is over. Of course he wants to go do just one quick mission… and research this tech… and, and, and… hehehe.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Arionis says:

    “So, Husband has his hands full.” Ruheally? Never would have guessed. 🙂

    So how long you going to make us wait for that photo story?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ellenbest24 says:

    My sleep begins if the tv is switched on… trouble is I don’t know until i am talking crap and going upstairs. …

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was literally just yelling at Husband about this the other night—he suggested we go watch something and then kept waking up just long enough to press “next episode.” Pretty sure he’s trying to use Netflix as my babysitter -.-

      Like

      • ellenbest24 says:

        Phffffaaaahhhhhah! I just found out that mine … The husband, half wakes me then fires silly questions at me so he can have a laugh at the garbled answers.
        It is unacceptable! Who could answer … “where are you , what’s happening, was the show good and where are the peanuts??? Damned Husbands and there so called humour. He was telling the brother in law on the phone. “It is hilarious, I’ll show you when you two come up … she frowns like a right grump and hasn’t a clue who or where she is.” Followed by schoolboy laughter.
        Ha bloody ha! well I will be ready for the buggers . They are twins and are like naughty ten year olds when they are together. *humpf* I’ll think of something.

        Liked by 1 person

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