Husband has been getting stuffed up at night. Sinuses, you know, can tell time.
I’m sure this results in a great deal of discomfort for him but we’re here to talk about the effect on me and why I can’t get a decent night’s sleep, so let’s dive right into that, shall we?
ME: I woke up at some point because your CPAP got louder.
HIM: It got unplugged at one point, so when I put it back on the pressure was higher.
ME: But this is my anxiety at night. I wake up every time your machine does something and wonder, “Is this how he dies?”
HIM: You wanted me to get it.
ME: (shakes head)
HIM: To stop the snoring.
ME: No, I wanted to stop the snoring.
HIM: You could’ve done that with a pillow!
ME: I thought they would break your nose.
ME: … And do it again every time you snore.
HIM: You could’ve done that!
ME: Yeah, but—
HIM: You’d just have to drive me to the hospital after.
ME: See, that’s the part I’m not okay with! Why should I have to drive you around in my jammies just ‘cuz you snored?
HIM: You said “in sickness and in health!”
ME: I said no such thing!*
* It’s true. Mostly I promised to still find him sexy after sharing a bathroom for twenty years and he promised to always hang up his wet towels.** So far, so good.
** One of the great benefits to getting married the way we did: we got to do our own vows, which we made up as we went. We figured the point was to promise to marry each other, which… done!