My Birthday Bridge


Attempts to prove that I am not the central point around which everything in the universe revolves were undermined recently when my city built me a bridge for my birthday.

(Disney's Alice in Wonderland) Alice, at her trial, sighs a defeated "oh, no." and facpalms

There’ll be no stopping my ego,  now



It’s right by my house, too.


They even announced, weeks in advance, that the road under the bridge would be closed on my birthday and the day before—you know, for the birthday bridge building.  Sort of killed the surprise aspect but I’m not mad because it’s a bridge, you know?  Not like they were gonna sneak it in while I was sleeping.


Although… they did manage to get rid of the old one without my notice.


ME:  There’s not even a pile of not a bridge anymore; they just *boop* took it.
HIM:  Yup.
ME:  Still got the pillars, if you want one.
HIM:  … Not sure what we’d do with it…
ME:  Oh, I have plans.
HIM:  … Or how we’d get it home.
ME:  …
HIM:  I can’t carry it, and your pockets are too small.
ME:  (glares)
HIM:  (laughs)


closeup of wman's cell phone precariously balanced 3/4 out of her teeny pants pocket

Seriously, what are designers afraid we’d get up to if we weren’t stuck holding a purse?


Don’t worry: Husband hasn’t been outdone by the city.  Because his gifts actually showed up on time, and the fucking bridge still isn’t finished. 


ME:  Where’s my birthday bridge?
HIM:  They’ve got the beams up!
ME:  That’s not a bridge.
HIM:  Well they’ve closed off—
ME:  Lemme stop you right there.  Because I don’t care where else they’re building bridges right now—that was my birthday bridge.
HIM:  It’s still your birthday!
ME:  True…



Does it seem like he’s getting better at handling me?



5 comments on “My Birthday Bridge

  1. Bridge or no bridge, that is a pretty great gift 🙂 Congratulations on another journey around the sun (which is how I refer to my BD)

    Liked by 1 person

    • There is one great thing about the delays: they keep closing that main road for a day or two at a time, which affects me not at all but whenever I turn off into our neighborhood (mere feet from the construction) I get a line of cars following behind me, like the Pied Piper; they think I know some super-secret detour. I like to lead them extra-slow through our neighborhood until we get to my driveway. Which is in a cul-de-sac. Then I laugh like a lunatic while I watch them sort out who’s turning around and who’s backing up and where they go from here.

      It might be better than a bridge, honestly.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. emmaclaire says:

    Oh, that Pied Piper ruse is just rich, isn’t it? Almost sufficient amusement to overlook the fact that your bridge is not yet finished…

    Happy BD!

    Liked by 1 person

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