Hand Emojis


Once upon a time, in the earliest days of the Facebook page, Husband was so enamored of seeing his own words mocked immortalized on the internet that he would deliberately say ridiculous things to provoke a reaction, immediately followed by an eager, “Is that going on the page?”


These days, he’s gone a bit shy.


black-and-white "shy guy" from Super Mario Bros. games

Ten cool points if you got this reference.



PHONE:  (alarm goes off)
ME:  (smacks pocket containing phone)
PHONE:  (silences)
ME:  I can’t believe that worked.
HIM:  I was driving once—I think I was taking our son to school or something—and my phone rang.  So I said out loud, “My phone’s in my pocket!  I can’t answer right now!”  and it—
ME:  It picked up.
HIM:  —picked up, yeah.  It somehow knew
ME:  Because you said “answer.”
HIM:  … Well.  Yeah.  I guess.
ME:  That’s how you answer.
HIM:  So I had a conversation on speakerphone, while my phone was in my pocket.
ME:  (nods)
HIM:  I didn’t know that was even… I mean, it makes sense, but I wish that hadn’t been my first experience with that feature.
ME:  Mm-hmm…
HIM:  And I really hope you don’t tell anyone about this.
ME:  (indulgent smirk)  Oh, sweetie.



It’s subtle, but did you detect that hint of reticence? 


Honestly, I don’t know what to do about it… I mean, I can’t not tell people about these things—that’s just crazy.  And I don’t have enough friends to satisfy my craving for witnesses an audience, so I need followers; hence the online presence.  But now he’s trying to outsmart the blog and… well you knew that was going to backfire, didn’t you?

"aww, you poor sweet thing"


Want to watch?



ME:  Hey honey?
HIM:  Yeah?
ME:  Oh good, you’re still up here.  Where are the cotton things I got at Target?  Where—
HIM:  (takes sip of coke)
ME:  —did they end up?
HIM:  (still swallowing)
ME:  (waits patiently)
HIM:  (makes complicated hand gestures, possibly ASL for “my great-aunt had tusks like a walrus, but her hairdresser ate monkeys”)
ME:  What?
HIM:  They’re in the box, downstairs, in the breakfast room.  I’ll go get them.
ME:  … That’s what all that was?!
HIM:  Actually, it was just, (more gestures)  “they’re in the box.”
ME:  (walks away)
HIM:  But you won’t be able to blog that, because there’s no way to describe my hand-emojis!

(Scandal) Olivia Pope, badass, taunts, "Watch me."






4 comments on “Hand Emojis

  1. bexoxo says:

    Hey! Those are the first 10 cool points I’ve ever received!! Thanks for that!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Arionis says:

    I’ve seen that “guy” at a few “parties” I’ve attended.

    HIM: But you won’t be able to blog that, because there’s no way to describe my hand-emojis!

    I doubt there is anything in your world that could defeat your blogging powers.

    Liked by 1 person

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