A Revealing Update


Big reveal!


A tall, mysterious shape against blue sky and wispy clouds vaguely resembles a real life Rainbow Road track from the MarioCart racing games



Your guessing powers are epic, and I love all of you.  I wish I could move into your back yards, every last one of them.  Except my Australian fans—y’all have nothing in your garden that doesn’t want to murder me, including the plants


Not a one of you was fooled by that picture, and Husband was so proud of his distorting powers!  Naturally, I couldn’t wait to tell him.


ME:  Have you read today’s?
HIM:  I’m… reading it now.  It’s up.
ME:  Your photo is in there.  Four guesses so far, all of them correct.
HIM:  Really?
ME:  Yup.  Including one who said she took a similar photo when she went.
HIM:  (sighs)
ME:  You tried.  (kisses him)  At least I love you!



For those who didn’t keep up or who can’t be arsed to read the last post, we are indeed moving to…


St. Louis skyline at sunset, as viewed from the river; shot low on the water, arch on the left, Eads Bridge on the right


St Louis!


I’ve never lived in Missouri—in fact, I keep misspelling it—so this is one of those “new experiences” everyone’s always banging on about. 


nb; if they all involve packing dust, count me out.  Packing is not my jam.  Unpacking is somehow worse.

(Parks & Rec) April Ludgate sullenly pronounces, "I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."


But now you know, along with everyone else, which is important because this is all we’re talking about right now.


ME:  How will you feel about living in Missouri?
HIM:  Well… I was born in the other state in the Missouri compromise.
ME:  Pretty sure that’s how Maine introduces itself at parties.
HIM:  Not a lot of people know!
ME:  That’s my point.  “Hi, I’m Maine.  Remember the Missouri Compromise?  I was the other one.”
HIM:  Did you know?  I mean, you probably knew there were two—
ME:  (giggling)  Yes, I knew there were two.  And if asked, that would have been about the limit of my knowledge.
HIM:  See?
ME:  Wait—I might have guessed the other one also started with M—
HIM:  (impressed)
ME:  Actually, if pressed I would have said there were two but I think the other one’s not a state anymore.
HIM:  (laughs)  Possibly!



This also means I’m crazy-busy right now—that’s “right now” as in when I’m actually sat writing this, which does not necessarily need to be when you’re reading it.  I know I’ve mentioned before that I store blog posts like nuts for winter, so you’ve almost always got at least a few days’ delay on whatever.  This is so I have time to edit, distill, and find the quality gifs you’ve come to expect to go along with this fuckery.  Some things have to be rushed, like Deleted Scenes or holiday posts, but for the most part I have a cushion, which saves me when I’m sick or busy or he’s boring.


Moving will eat that cushion.*

(Parks & Rec) April Ludgate, all dressed up for a Fancy Adult Event, realizes that "Being a responsible adult sucks butts"


Everyone in my life is telling me it’s “fine” to take a break from blogging while I move, that people will understand, but that’s not what I want to do either.  Partly because I don’t believe that nonsense (and neither do they after they listen to my manic recitation of counter-arguments) and partly because I don’t want to get settled and have to fire everything back up with a recap of all that’s happening now.  That’s… insane, right?


Alternate plan: I do my best to record this process for you, with the understanding that you’re going to be a leetle bit behind because of course I padded my time with a filler post and a guessing game and some other shit.  I’VE GOT A WHOLE HOUSE TO PACK UP AND A NEW HOME TO FIND, DAMMIT!


And no, I haven’t forgotten that you’re due an update on how we got to this point, I just… I was putting it off.  Because shit got real for a while and I didn’t say anything, which was bad of me.  I will now run through all of that, but quickly.


UPDATE: Remember the JTL sitch?  Well they did end up settling, but they dragged it out like woah.  I’m specifically prohibited from discussing the settlement (as in, was given a script, by actual lawyers, who looked me dead in the eye and said the words, “please don’t make this worse, you are not my client”) but I can say that we “reached a mutually beneficial agreement” for an “undisclosed amount” under terms I’m not supposed to mention at all.  


Fortunately for all of us, at no point was I prohibited from proclaiming that Scott is a dick or that Stupid Mark Cockring’s parents aren’t dead, they’re just hiding from him.**    

"modern" town crier announcing the birth of royal baby in Giant Fancy Hat and other over-the-top finery from various eras.

Thinkin’ of hiring this guy; I hear he does good work, and I REALLY dig his hat.


They also—and I didn’t think this was a real thing until I saw it for myself—“forgot” to sign the contract for a few weeks, causing us to freak out until we learned the mere act of having their legal department send it to us without a “non-binding” watermark was enough.


HIM:  So the contract is valid and enforceable.
ME:  That’s a relief.  I heard you breathe a little sigh too—I know how much you love to be right.
HIM:  I do—
ME:  Almost as much as I do.
HIM:  Almost.
ME:  Of course, nobody loves anything as much as I love being right.
HIM:  I do like to be right; that’s why I usually agree with you.
ME:  Awwww!
HIM:  (laughing)  Really?


Nothing ever goes perfectly though, does it?  While dealing with all of that, we learned that…


UPDATE:  Husband’s chronic pain wasn’t just referred back pain—he’s got fibromyalgia.  Which, if you don’t know, is just… 

(Friends) Phoebe (Lisa Kudro) sarcastically/manically screams, "so much fun!"


So some extra time was taken to deal with that diagnosis and sort out better pain management, which leads me to…


UPDATE:  If you are a person who has been unemployed for more than a month or two, potential employers assume the reason is that you’re fundamentally unemployable and that’s an unattractive quality.  Husband had, for the duration of our negotiations with Evil Corp, been passively “looking” but mostly hoping they would come to their senses (everyone kept saying they totally would) and hire him back in another role, another department, somewhere.  This did not happen, and these days none of his former coworkers will return his calls—which is so disheartening considering how many of them he helped on their way up.


We cried, we raged, we ranted at the unfairness… and then we buckled down to figure out where the fuck he was gonna work if not around here.  Shout out to California’s bay area for providing so many attractive opportunities*** but ultimately St Louis won our hearts.  For now. 

animated cross-section of heart in action


I am not a person who dreams of living in the same place for the next twenty years.


So that’s it, you’re all caught up.  Stay tuned for… how we told our friends.  Yikes. 


ME:  We need to tell people in person.
HIM:  We need to tell Audrey and Evan.
ME:  She already warned us if we ever move away we’d be dead to her.
HIM:  I know.
ME:  But I’m an excellent long distance friend!
HIM:  I know!
ME:  And we’re coming back.  Not like that traitorous Crissy
HIM:  (nods)
ME:  “Oh, I’ll be back for the big weekends and gaming conventions!”  And did she ever—
HIM:  (makes ‘zero’ gesture)
ME:  Yeah, never came back.  (flings arm west-ish)  Went to Minneapolis, made new gaming friends and never came back.
HIM:  We’ll be on the same river.
ME:  Oooh, can we travel up by river?
HIM:  … I… guess?  I mean, we’d have to find a boat.
ME:  Then I guess you need to make friends with someone who has a boat!
HIM:  (sighs)





* Everybody remember that episode of My Strange Addiction with the woman who ate couch cushions?  I try not to judge because I know those people need help but how fucking nasty was that?  She went to secondhand stores for those cushions—they were full of other people’s spills, farts, and bodily fluids.  I can’t even buy a used couch for sitting on fully clothed, knowing that strangers had sex and let their kids vomit on it, and this crazy bitch is eating the cushions!  Ngyah.

** Lawyers, man.  They always think they covered all the angles, but nope!

*** I lived around there a lot as a kid, so it’s still on the Someday list.





12 comments on “A Revealing Update

  1. Victor K says:

    “Eat that cushion” is now my sexual innuendo of the day. Thank you. I will be working that into work conversations until 3:30.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Why stop then? Think how many people could be confused and uncomfortable when you say, “Sure, I could go, but it’d eat my cushion” or, “Go ahead and eat the cushion—that’s what it’s there for!”

      Then maybe show ’em that toilet rabbit gif. You know, if they’re still close enough.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Victor K says:

        I go home for the Canada Day long weekend at 3:30. Not much point after that. Tuesday I’ll be looking for a new one to use, I like to keep people on their toes.

        Four uses so far, and I have a scheduling meeting for a project in the afternoon. Going to be a good end of week.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sherry says:

    Hate to tell you but Fibro is sometimes simply just the 1.patient has been in pain for over 3 mths and 2. we (Drs.) have no clue why, but 3. If we don’t give it a name the insurance won’t pay anything for it, and my personal favorite, no Dr is supposed to give pain meds for any reason now and oh pain meds don’t help if it is Fibro. Sorry but just went through 2 yrs of this with my kid. It sucks. If you have any questions feel free to email

    Liked by 1 person

    • Husband got lucky, I think, and found a Rheumatologist who referred him to a pain specialist and a pain psychologist as she was dusting off her hands and showing him the door. So he’s been getting help from those, but his primary is a big believer in “diet and exercise solves everything!” Which… yeah. Complicates things sometimes.


  3. gingerbread76 says:

    I live in St. Louis!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yay! Good luck with the move (I know you’ve written other posts on it already. But I’m commenting on *this* one). I also have fibromyalgia, and it is total balls (my fibro is actually mild–chronic fatigue syndrome is my level 10 nightmare illness–and it’s still balls). My commiserations to your husband.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So you get it! Honestly, just being able to name the thing helped him a bunch. As in, he’d been told he was exaggerating his pain, that he must just have a “low tolerance” and there was nothing anyone could do about that other than tell him to toughen up, that even if it was something “real” it would be something so rare and serious we “didn’t really want to know because it would be progressive and untreatable” and basically every other unhelpful thing you can imagine. By—I cannot stress this enough—actual doctors. So finally having an explanation for all the weird aspects of his pain, even if the “treatment” is basically “yeah, this is gonna suck forever. Sorry!” had an immediate and positive effect on him.

      Having spent the last few months learning the “rules” of his fibro, I cannot imagine also coping with chronic fatigue. One more way in which you fucking amaze me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I was very lucky that most of the doctors I saw for my diagnosis were lovely and believed me (which not the norm, I have learned from the chronic illness community), and I still got the odd one like that. You’d think medical professionals would know better.

        That’s good he’s working out the “rules”. They can just randomly decide to be different occasionally, which is a real drag, but generally speaking knowing you limits (which can also randomly decide to be different), and your warning symptoms and how to avoid the worst triggers helps a lot.

        I spent a good portion of my life believing I was a wimp with a low pain tolerance. My fibro diagnosis happened when the rheumatologist I saw for CFS prodded me all over and asked if it hurt and I was all “OOOOOOOOW STOP THAT YOU MONSTER WHY” and he was like “yeah, that shouldn’t hurt. Like, at all. I’m thinking you have fibromyalgia too” and that was the first time someone really, properly *believed* it hurt as much as I said it did. And then gradually I realised I don’t have a low pain tolerance; I actually think I have a higher pain tolerance than most people. I just have more pain.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Husband describes it this way: he has a high tolerance but a very low threshold. Alexander Hamilton clawing his way up to drape over Husband’s shoulder is enough to ratchet his pain up all day, but he can function more or less “normally” (without most people realizing there’s a problem) at around 6-8 on the pain scale. Because he has to.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Good description. I honestly can’t pain scale. I think having mild undiagnosed fibromyalgia for years has warped my perceptions. When I had a cyst on my ovary and was up all night unable to move due to significant pain, I refused to go to the hospital and kept telling my husband that it wasn’t so bad and it would probably go away in a minute. I think I would have rated it a 4 or so on the scale. With more experience, I’m going to say that might have been more like an 8 (but I honestly don’t know) and I was an idiot not to go to emergency.

            Liked by 1 person

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