We Are Fam Nao!

 

For me, the bloom is already off the rose on this (abso-fucking-lutely haunted) house.

 

Now that the hot water and air conditioning issues are solved we have: doors that don’t open, doors that don’t close, windows that don’t open, outlets that don’t work, and goddamned bugs showing up.

looping gif, endless parade of giant beetles marches by

Go on, count ’em.

 

I’ve woken up every morning to dead spiders in the middle of the hall and random rooms.  And the crickets!  They’re just… wandering around the middle of the house.  Crickets, for those unfamiliar with the species, are not known for their desire to be indoors.  And since we are not open the windows and get some fresh air people there’s no rational explanation for their sudden appearance in my dining room. 

 

And we’ll address all of that in a later post, because the guy is coming this week.  First, I need to tell you about the most bizarre thing about this house.

 

 

The stupid cat loves it here. 

oddly loaf-shaped cat lays on her back, sunning herself; is utterly at rest.

 

She is the most relaxed, the most affectionate, the happiest and bravest we’ve ever seen her.  Husband’s weird, flabby pet—basically a potato with fur—used to hide all day and only come out at:

  • Foodie-shake-your-bootie Time
  • Sleepy Human Time
  • SOMEONE-MOVED-MY-HIDING-PLACE-AND-NOW-I’M-GOING-TO-DIE Time*

 

Now?  Now she seeks me out to cuddle.  She’s curled up under my desk right now, happy to bask in my nearness—it’s weird!

 

It took me a while to realize what must be going on.

 

ME:  HONEY!
HIM:  (from down the hall)  Coming!  (enters)  Yes?
ME:  (gestures)
HIM:  (sees me in bed, Jabba the Loaf cuddled against me) She’s very affectionate.  (nods)
ME:  No, she’s not.  This is weird.
HIM:  She’s happy.
ME:  I think I’ve figured it out.
HAMILTON:  (roars through strange, echo-y new house, confused and upset by all the newness)
ME:  (points)  He hates it here, because he can never find me.  (demonstrates)  Haaaaaam!
HAMILTON:  (roars off in wrong direction, following an echo of my voice off the tile)
HIM:  You think he navigates by echolocation?
ME:  And the dogs hate it because it’s tiny and cramped and there’s no place for them or their pillows yet.
HIM:  (sad)  Yeah…
ME:  But she (points) fucking loves that.  Because she knows where everything is.  It’s tiny and it makes sense and she hasn’t got lost once yet.
HIM:  … You think she hated our old house?
ME:  I know she did.  Because it was huge and it confused her.  Things kept moving around, rooms appeared out of nowhere, whole hallways and sections would just be there one day like magic and they were absolutely full of monsters that wanted to eat her
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  But this place?  It makes sense to her.  To us it’s crowded and cramped and there’s not enough room for all our stuff and we’re going to have to sell everything to get through this next year, but to her…
HIM:  So the cure for her anxiety was a smaller house.  Poor Hei-hei!
HAMILTON:  (finding me at last, leaps onto the bed for snuggles)

 

Also, it seems the one good thing to come out of the move from hell was that it helped Stupid Cat figure out who her family is. 

Two cats (allegedly) cuddle on unmade bed: one a potato with grey and white fur, the other a giant orange fluff

Yeah, I don’t make my bed either.  We’ve already established I’m not a real grown-up.

 

 

She and Hamilton cuddle and groom and play together now, because she’s realized he’s her bruvver.  She even seeks him out for cat activities during the day, when I’m not available.

 

I like to imagine that’s what they were discussing in the carriers all the way down here.  At top volume.

 

HAMILTON:  I HATE THIS BOX!
SC:  I HATE EVERYTHING!  THIS IS REALLY SCARY!
HAMILTON:  SHUT UP!
SC:  WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?  WHY ARE WE HERE?!?
HAMILTON:  Did… Did you PISS your box?
SC:  I’M SO CONFUSED!
HAMILTON:  Jesus…
SC:  THIS SUCKS!  I’M SCARED!
HAMILTON:  SHUT UP!  I’M TRAPPED IN ONE TOO, AND I HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU!
SC:  THIS IS IT, IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!
HAMILTON:  No, they’ve just—HOLY SHIT, DUDE!  DID YOU EVEN SEE THAT LIGHT ON A STICK?  DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING?!?!
SC:  THIS IS THE END AND WE’RE ALL THAT’S LEFT!
HAMILTON:  What?  I can see other ca—
SC:  WE ARE FAM NAO!  YOU SAVE MEEEEEE!  LET ME OUT OF BOX!
HAMILTON:  Holy fuck, you’re even dumber than I thought.
SC:  HALP!

 

Grey and white cat-ish grooming mighty orange mini lion, who has his arm around her shoulder

“I wuv yooo, bruvver!”     “Sigh… “

 

 

* This was not my only excuse for not cleaning under the bed, but it was a damned effective one.

 

 

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22 comments on “We Are Fam Nao!

  1. Jen says:

    Oh! That is so sweet!
    I love the last picture of them together.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Monika says:

    Hilarious! 😂😂😂
    Loving the pics of the hugging cats btw

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bexoxo says:

    Yay for happy kitties!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So so funny and so so heartwarming. That last photo is adorable 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Losing the Plot says:

    Just wondering, Alexander Hamilton… I missed the memo about how he got his name 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I mentioned it in the post where we got him (Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day) but basically it’s a compromise from another name I have picked for a future cat and Hamilton was close to his previous name (which was stupid and we never speak of it).

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ritu says:

    I am in love with that last picture!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jen7iris says:

    So sorry your introduction to living in St. Louis has not been exactly as pleasant as you would have hoped. So strange to have crickets showing up inside! In my little rental when I first moved here, I would get these strange centipede-like bugs. They almost looked feathery. They creeped me out and I had to smoosh them every time I saw one. That poor little house had so many things that would get in it. Thankfully, my home now (only about a couple of blocks from that first one) is so far free of strange bugs. I hope your situation gets better too!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Michelle says:

    So glad Stupid Cat figured it out, lol. They are too cute!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ellenbest24 says:

    They managed to settle pretty quick … but you may take a while. I really do wonder why you have any crawlers especially as you have cats. My confusion is that the husband is trying to sell the idea of us … having a cat ( not a cat person, never had one or wanted one) on the back of ‘it will eat all crawling and flying things, honest.’ Though he did not say it will chase ghosts or that it would think the litter box was a torture device. I have a suspicion that he fibbed a bit.I will make a sign for the door “No cat in ere” that should send him the correct message. Nice post I will tweet it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hamilton is a dedicated crawling/flying thing killer, but sometimes I see them before he does. Now, just this morning I watched a spider walk by and pointed. Ham turned, tilted his head as if to say, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” and pounced on that house demon like it owed him money. Then he went looking for more… in case it had family in the neighborhood? My advice, if you’re resigned to getting a cat but not all that interested in having a CAT-cat is to get a puppycat. Think Maine coon (A. Ham is mostly this type) as they are also excellent hunters, or possibly Savannah since they are much bigger and also love walkies.

      Like

  10. susielindau says:

    I had a fly infestation like that of End of Days! It took me a while but I finally isolated the problem. One of my Christmas cacti was full of larvae. Put it outside and no flies!

    Liked by 1 person

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