I Got No Roots


I have noted, on numerous occasions, my willingness to laugh at myself.  To point out my own errors, however rare they might be. 


I just… forgot to mention this one when it happened, because there was so much going on at the time.  So I’m telling you now. 


I promise, it has nothing to do with my desire to stave off discussions of whether I’ve unpacked all 37 boxes of kitchen stuff (they won’t fit, there’s no way) or putting off the answer to the question you’re all asking—which is totally coming, I just remembered this and wanted to put it out there and also I’m a champion procrastinator.

line-art of woman collapsed in garden; text reads, "I'd like to nominate myself for the Procrastinator of the Year award, but I'd rather fill out the application some other time."



Besides, this wasn’t even a big deal…


ME:  So now that I know the name of this song isn’t “No Roots”—
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  —I really listened to the lyrics today.   To learn the rules.
HIM:  It’s kind of the whole point of the song.
ME:  Right.  She’s got new rules.  She counts them.
HIM:  (laughing)  I can’t believe you didn’t know that.
ME:  Right?  But anyway, I was listening today and learning the rules and I was like, “Yes!  Those are excellent rules!  You’re making really good choices, honey.  So proud of you!”
HIM:  (laughs)



Everyone’s done it at some point: misheard lyrics on a song they really like.  Most often it gets corrected right away, but in some cases it takes years, even decades.  Sometimes you decide you like the “real” version better, sometimes you gleefully sing “your” version forever.  At top volume.  Whenever it comes on, no matter where you are.*

Drummer with giant tangerine head sings out, "Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tangerine!" (misquote from ABBA's song, Dancing Queen)


You know what?  Let’s take this opportunity to restart some dialogue.  I feel like we’ve gotten away from talking to each other; lately it’s been all me whinging about my stress and you nodding along and checking your watch while you wait for me to move on to someone saying something funny or stupid—or at least worth mentioning.  Granted, me getting song lyrics wrong isn’t as noteworthy as, say, the arrival of a mighty mini lion in my life or that time my husband ruined my chance to become BFF’s with David Tennant, but it has the advantage of being a common experience—none of you even have a mini lion.


But you can answer this question: What was the last song you misheard?


Or this one: Now that you know the truth, which version do you like better?


Or, if you don’t want to out your current musical tastes for whatever reason, you could just tell us about what song you still sing “wrong” even now that you know the “correct” lyrics.  (Need help getting started?  Everyone sings Kiss From A Rose wrong.  Because the real lyrics make no sense.  I’m convinced he did it on purpose, to create exactly this phenomenon.)





* I will buy my friend Audrey’s album if she ever gets around to recording these.  For realz.





23 comments on “I Got No Roots

  1. Sway to the Rhythm of love by the plain white tees – yeah. I thought it was ‘sweat’.
    I like my version better.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jesska says:

    I got really confused by this, because there’s a song they play here a lot which really IS called no roots… And I don’t think it makes much sense as it is, but it made even less sense if it was “new rules”..

    But anyway.. I think “all wrapped up in her invisible llama” is my current favourite misheard lyric (Frank Turner, supposed to be “invisible armour”)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Not quite a misheard situation, but I refuse to sing the correct lyrics to “Live and Let Die” because “but if this ever changin’ world in which we live in” is redundant as fuck so I change that last bit to “in which we’re livin'” so I can sleep at night.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Evaine says:

    Not quite the same thing, but my husband and I played through Lego Rock Band together a few years ago. One of the songs you need to do for the story is “Swing, Swing” by the All-American Rejects which got annoying af after the first play-through. It’s basically whining about a break-up. Here’s the chorus:

    Swing, swing, swing from the tangles of
    My heart is crushed by a former love.
    Can you help me find a way
    To carry on again

    I was the singer, so I made up my own lyrics to the chorus:

    Sing, sing, sing this stupid song
    That makes me sound like a little girl
    Can you help me find a way
    To grow a pair again

    I sang those lyrics instead every time we played it. Now we just giggle every time we hear that song. It improved the experience 1000%.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ellenbest24 says:

    Shenaia Twain “RUDE WORD TO FOLLOW WARNING whoop! Whoop!” ‘That don’t impress me much.’ I thought, and was convinced, she sang ‘You kiss your cock at night’ and for years that is what I heard. I now know its clock! Meaning face. I admit I still sing it my way. 😂😃😄 because I am very bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Okay, your way makes sense and would be an impressive feat; sounds like the guy has some skills but is totally self-absorbed and is therefore not what she’s looking for (you know, the theme of the song.) The real lyric? Doesn’t make sense to me (I’m still not convinced that’s what it means) and also… are we sure he’s not kissing his actual clock? Because I do that sometimes, if it’s really important that I wake up in the morning; I kiss my phone and say, “do your job, sweetie!” and it works because my alarm goes off and I wake up. Things need to be appreciated too, Shania! IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, MISSY! You know who’s not impressed? Me. By you. So there.

      My ex was suuuuper into her, so I might have some lingering issues. But I still like your version better.


  6. Ritu says:

    Oh there are so.many and the kids interpretation s are hilarious too!??

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I for real thought the line in the Pussycat Dolls song “When I Grow Up” was “I wanna have boobies”



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