My Meth Ghosts

 

Screenshot of Messenger conversation; I complain about ghost stuff and how Husband doesn't believe but Audrey would, Audrey replies, "Science isn't real. Ghosts are."

 

 

You see that shit right there?  THAT is why Audrey is a good friend.

 

Husband, on the other hand, is a jerkface an engineer and keeps arguing this point with me.

 

I’m about to invite every single one of you over so you can walk around this house and feel how fucking haunted it is.*  Because Husband is full of explanations for everything: I hear voices because of dog toys or the neighbors’ stereos, and I’m not used to the reflective properties of all this brick and tile after our last house (admittedly 80% wood) and I’m just scaring myself… blah, blah, blah.

 

 

First of all, I am a person who wants a cool haunted house.  You know, the kind that’s old and probably has some confused ghosts hanging around?  Mostly I want floors that talk to me but I’ve sworn to give up that argument in favor of winning every other argument forever (see how well that worked out for me?) and now I have to settle for decorative hinges or maybe someday an old cemetery somewhere on the property.**

 

This house is not what I had in mind.

 

(The Conjuring) woman taking sheets off the laundry line is startled when sheet flies away, is hung up on invisible human form. Sheet flies away revealing no one

 

I keep seeing things, just out of the corner of my eye; when I turn to look of course there’s nothing there, nothing that could have even tricked my eye (no weird shadow or blowing leaves outside the window or anything) or been mistaken for… what I’m sure I just saw.  And sometimes the front wall looks… odd.  I don’t know how to explain it without sounding batshit crazy so I’ll just point out that I know I’m not going mad because I only see and hear these odd things in the house

 

And I’m not the only one.

 

ME:  Okay, I was just coming down the hall and I heard someone talking in the storage room—
HIM:  Where’s Olaf?
ME:  What?
HIM:  Are you sure it’s not just one of the dog toys, is my point.
ME:  (sick of this shit)  All of the dog toys are in these boxes.  This one (points) and (storms out, down hall, into dining room)
HIM:  …
ME:  (shouting)  This one! (kicks tall box of stuffies)
HIM:  (follows)  Okay.
ME:  My stuffies are in that box (points) along with Jimmy, because her giant fucking rabbit wouldn’t fit with her other friends.
HIM:  Okay.
ME:  And the cat toys, some of which also make noise, are in this box (jostles box, waits through cacophony of chirps and whistles)
HIM:  So it’s not a dog toy.
ME:  (beyond annoyed)  No.  It’s.  Not.
HIM:  …
ME:  And when I opened the door to check—you know, once it was quiet—
HIM:  Just in case.
ME:  (glares)  I looked around and didn’t see anything.  Then I turned on the light.
HIM:  … And?
ME:  Something yelled “OW!
HIM:  …
ME:  I turned off the light and got the fuck out of there.
HIM:  The tile—
ME:  And that’s why Alexander Hamilton is obsessed with that room right now.  Just thought you should know.  (walks away)
ALEXANDER HAMILTON:  (crouches outside storage room, batting at something under the door)

 

black cat stares, hissing, while backing into a corner

 

 

 

* That’d teach him to doubt me, coming home to five hundred or so of my favorite people wandering around his house, commenting on cold spots and weird wall shimmers and also the fact that his dirty clothes seem to be in a pile next to the hamper.

** Fingers crossed—those places don’t come cheap in this country.

 

 

 

Advertisements

18 comments on “My Meth Ghosts

  1. Let me know when you want me to stop over. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jen says:

    Well… the noises could be the bugs that are still wandering the house. Could also be a mouse or something. Tile does reverberate like crazy and noise from one small thing can echo louder in a tiled home. I mean… since the house is already a little f’ed up it wouldn’t surprise me if there is something lurking behind the walls or ceiling. 🤷‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sherry Bucalo says:

    Maybe I could talk my ghost into taking a trip…She/he is not too scary but loves to blow out light bulbs so he can watch us fumble around. He/she also for some reason loves to hide things… course that could be hubby trying to get rid of things without my knowing… ;p;

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had some really similar experiences happen to me in the first two years of living in our house! (Seeing things and hearing full on conversations that my husband figured was my over-active imagination!) I’m right here with you girl! Sending good vibes your way for peaceful existences with the other side 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Leah says:

    As someone who actually owns an old church/cemetery (100 miles west of you!) It’s wildly overrated 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    • See, people say that about a lot of things, but I still want to try it.

      People said picnics were overrated (they totally are) and Disneyworld (if anything, it’s underrated). I’ve heard that being rich is overrated, that it comes with more problems than I’m prepared to handle, but I still need to try it myself. You know. Just to be sure.

      Like

  6. Ely says:

    Lol!!!! This has to be one of the most interesting posts I’ve read in a while so first of all thank you! lol second of all, ghosts. Obviously. OBVIOUSLY! I totally believe. And pets can sense that shit too so I’m with you! Anyone trying to come up with a rational explanation clearly also has a solid explanation about what happens to us when we die and where we go and who’s actually in charge. And I’d love to hear all that too! Lol! There’s some shit we just can’t explain. And sometimes the answer is simple. Ghosts. Duh.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am 100% here for a tour of your ghost house.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s