Last week we had a good time poking a bit of fun at Husband’s newfound willingness to try out a chain restaurant now that it’s a “local tradition.” It’s only fair that I put myself on the block as well, yeah?
However, mine is completely defensible, so it’ll be quick. We’ll start with a question:
Is this food?
Trick question! It’s something called provel cheese, which is sold as food but is clearly not for actual human consumption.* Seriously, click that link—its claim to fame is that it’s practically liquid at room temperature, and it’s really only found here in St. Louis. Why—in a cheese-loving nation, on a cheese-loving planet—would this stuff not have spread farther? Because look at it. It looks like brains, or possibly some sort of intestinal parasite.
HIM: (points) So there’s a St. Louis style salad…
ME: (intrigued) Oh?
HIM: With that “provel” cheese on it.
ME: Oh. Ew. No.
ME: Yeah, I think that’s gonna be the thing I skip while I live here.
HIM: That’s gonna be your thing, huh?
HIM: Like the—
ME: Cheese curds are not food!
HIM: Wisconsin disagrees.
ME: Food shouldn’t squeak. (shudders)
HIM: You’re just gonna travel from state to state, refusing to eat the local cheese?
ME: I… I mean, I guess? I hate to be that person, but…
HIM: You can’t be “that person.” That person doesn’t exist!
ME: Yes I can, clearly, because I’m doing it!
HIM: Okay, but you’d be the first one ever!
ME: (quietly) I’m sure there are well-traveled vegans…
* People who willingly eat this stuff: yes, that was me judging you. You make bad choices and should reconsider.