My Thing

 

Last week we had a good time poking a bit of fun at Husband’s newfound willingness to try out a chain restaurant now that it’s a “local tradition.”  It’s only fair that I put myself on the block as well, yeah?

 

However, mine is completely defensible, so it’ll be quick.  We’ll start with a question:

 

Is this food?

closeup of weird whiteish brainlike substance

 

 

"Is This Food?" poll.  Options are "that is food;" "That's not food;" Not sure, but I'd probably eat it either way;" and "Please stop showing me horrible things."

 

Trick question!  It’s something called provel cheese, which is sold as food but is clearly not for actual human consumption.*  Seriously, click that link—its claim to fame is that it’s practically liquid at room temperature, and it’s really only found here in St. Louis.  Why—in a cheese-loving nation, on a cheese-loving planet—would this stuff not have spread farther?  Because look at it.  It looks like brains, or possibly some sort of intestinal parasite.

 

HIM:  (points)  So there’s a St. Louis style salad…
ME:  (intrigued)  Oh?
HIM:  With that “provel” cheese on it.
ME:  Oh.  Ew.  No.
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  Yeah, I think that’s gonna be the thing I skip while I live here.
HIM:  That’s gonna be your thing, huh?
ME:  Yep.
HIM:  Like the—
ME:  Cheese curds are not food!
HIM:  Wisconsin disagrees.
ME:  Food shouldn’t squeak.  (shudders)
HIM:  You’re just gonna travel from state to state, refusing to eat the local cheese?
ME:  I… I mean, I guess?  I hate to be that person, but…
HIM:  You can’t be “that person.”  That person doesn’t exist!
ME:  Yes I can, clearly, because I’m doing it!
HIM:  Okay, but you’d be the first one ever!
ME:  (quietly) I’m sure there are well-traveled vegans…

 

 

 

* People who willingly eat this stuff: yes, that was me judging you.  You make bad choices and should reconsider.

youth in McDonald's Hamburglar costume saying "The Hamburglar doesn't judge"

Save your cheesy excuses for this guy.

 

 

 

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29 comments on “My Thing

  1. Jen says:

    I thought it was a close-up of Ramen noodles at first.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Jack Herlocker says:

    Curds? We love curds! Are you saying if you were in Curdistan you would *ignore* them? How would that even work?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh no you don’t! Don’t make me out to be the bad guy when they’re the ones doing unspeakable things to cheese!

      Except I’m not convinced cheese curds are real cheese. I had one in my mouth once (total accident—it was dark, I thought I was being offered a tater tot) and what I bit into bore no resemblance to any real dairy product. More like that weird vegan cheese? Which I’ve seen dogs refuse, so… yeah.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. bexoxo says:

    You can tell husband that I dislike cheese entirely, so yes, I travel (from state to state, country to country) refusing cheese.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. i can’t really eat cheese anymore, but even if I could I would definitely NOT eat that. I’ll be “that person” with ya.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jennybhatia says:

    I don’t even know what to say. Doesn’t look like cheese to me:)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Gale says:

    Cottage cheese? That’s full on curd action right there.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. So, I love your blog and I laugh out loud at it and make my husband listen as I read it aloud but not well, because I am guffawing all through it. I also hate it because I have to to to all the links and read and re-read the linked blogs and one post (today’s: 8/31) and take over 30 minutes to finish. I got stuck at the “poking a bit of fun” link and then I had to read all the links in that one, forever and ever, amen. I am now commenting and going back to things to refresh my memory and now my husband is annoyed because we are going somewhere this AM and I am not getting ready.
    I am your fan.
    Sarah

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Evaine says:

    But if you don’t eat cheese curds, how do you have poutine??

    Liked by 1 person

  9. jen7iris says:

    Ugh – Provel “cheese” is the WORST. Beware of the “St. Louis Style” anything. Don’t EVER order the pizza. It will leave a strange film on the roof of your mouth. I mistakenly ordered pizza with provel on it a number of times when I moved here before I figured out to avoid any pizza on any menu that describes itself as St. Louis Style. Do not, under any circumstances, get IMO’s pizza if you don’t like provel. I do not and will not understand the local’s love for this fake cheese.

    Liked by 1 person

    • THANK YOU. I was so worried I’d catch hell from a provel-loving local over this! (Of course, I realized such a person would need to be shown the error of their ways and that would probably count as a good deed without having to leave the house so I only hesitated for a moment)

      Liked by 1 person

      • jen7iris says:

        Well, admittedly, I’m only a local in the sense that I’ve now lived here almost 10 years, not in the I’ve lived here my whole life kind of way. And generally, I find that most people who’ve lived here their whole lives love provel and those who are transplants to here don’t. There are a few outliers, but that’s what I’ve most often found to be true.

        Liked by 1 person

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