His Fake Movies


It’s been a while, hasn’t it, since I did a nice long random?

Lorelei Gilmore "my babbling capabilities are infinite"


No, I mean—yes, I know all of my posts are long and a bit random, shut up—but what I meant was those Conversations which offer you a brief backstage pass to our lives.  Or, in this case, a backseat pass. 


buckle up, bitches


The Setup: we had some errands to run.  You know how you do.  I needed Stuff and Things (still trying to make this itty shitty house livable, don’tchaknow) so we set out in the general direction of Stores before deciding which ones we’d hit. 


Here then is what it would have been like to sit in the car with us that day.  Enjoy.



ME:  So are we going to Target or Bed Bath & Beyond for these containers?
HIM:  Hmmm…
ME:  (silently chants Bed Bath & Beyond, Bed Bath & Beyond, Bed Bath & Beyond… )
HIM:  Bed Bath & Beyond.
ME:  It worked!
HIM:  ?
ME:  I was chanting in my head to make you choose Bed Bath & Beyond.
HIM:  I was just thinking it’s been a while since we went.
ME:  Yeah, I’m not sure there even was one in Duckburg.
HIM:  See?  We had to go to Saint Canard.
ME:  (shakes head)  Nobody wants to do that.
HIM:  Exactly.
ME:  (excited)  Hey!  But we’re back in a place where we can just go to wherever we want to go.  Like, without worrying if it’s in the good city or in the—
HIM:  (stares)  Do you remember Escape From New York?
ME:  … no?
HIM:  That movie with Kurt Russel, where the entire island of Manhattan is a prison and they had to get the president out?
ME:  Hmmm… Yeah, I’m still not sure that’s a movie.
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  I mean, I remember watching it with you, but I don’t think it was a real movie.
HIM:  (laughs harder)  Okay, but it was filmed here.  By the river.
ME:  Ooooh…
HIM:  And the city let them kill power to whole blocks for hours at a time.
ME:  But… what about the people who lived there?
HIM:  Yes.
ME:  … That… isn’t an answer.
HIM:  I’m acknowledging that that is the question: what about those people?
ME:  That’s shitty… but I still don’t think it was a real movie.
HIM:  We could watch it again if you don’t believe me.
ME:  …
HIM:  Then again, we could see if Netflix has the sequel: Escape From L.A.
ME:  Okay, I know that’s not a movie.
HIM:  (laughing)  Are you challenging me?
ME:  … I don’t see a way for me to win that challenge?
HIM:  Right?
ME:  (ponders) … I mean, obviously I’m right and it’s not real, but you’ll just show me some really bad movies anyway.  Like that time you tried to tell me there’s a movie about arm wrestling.
HIM:  (chuckling)  Over the Top.
ME:  Also not a movie!
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  I don’t know why you make up movies!
HIM:  (still laughing)  I don’t!  These are just famously bad movies.  I think you’re going to have to blog about Escape From New York, Escape From L.A. and Over The Top and see if anybody else agrees that they’re not movies.
ME:  I think we can all agree that just didn’t happen.
HIM:  No!
ME:  You know what?  If the entire sci-fi community agrees that the third Highlander movie just didn’t happen…
HIM:  …
ME:  …
HIM:  Okay, that’s very different.
ME:  (rolls eyes)
HIM:  And it’s the second one—
ME:  Are you saying the third one did happen?
HIM:  Well, it had to because it was the apology for two—
ME:  The most repeated line in that entire movie was “There can be only one.”  And then they made two more movies.
HIM:  And a series.
ME:  (shrugs)  I understand that.  Gotta get paid, right?


("Girl Boss" Sophia Marlowe) Britt Robinson yells, "BOOM!" then does an excited shimmy while singing, "Dolla dolla bills, y'all!"



7 comments on “His Fake Movies

  1. JenS says:

    As a kid, I remember liking Escape from LA, but it was made in ’96 and I’m positive it doesn’t hold up. So I will leave that fond memory in my mind and never get near watching that movie today. I probably saw Over the Top, but I would have been 3 at the time, so I don’t remember. My parents did not censor movies for me. lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I never heard of those Escape movies either, so they must be fake 😉 BUT I do faintly remember Over the Top… Sylvester Stallone was a truck driver who arm wrestled and he had a kid?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Arionis says:

    How could you diss Kurt Russell like that when he played such an intriguing character as Snake Plissken? Next thing I know you’ll be saying Big Trouble in Little China wasn’t real!

    Liked by 1 person

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