Totally Unrelated


Around here we usually talk about the confusing shit he says.  Mostly because of the profusion of options, but also because it’s the theme I decided on years ago and I’m against change in all its forms.


(Incredibles 2) Mr. Incredible (Bob), frustrated with Dash's homework, yells, "I don't know that way. Why would they change math?!"



But just this once, let me admit that sometimes I say random shit.  In my defense, it’s only because I’m genuinely unaware that other people aren’t in my head all the time.  This is not a side-effect of blurting my thoughts out for your eager consumption, by the way—I’ve always just sort of assumed everyone is following my internal thought processes, which is why I get so upset when I start a sentence, “Speaking of which—” and they get confused because we haven’t been talking at all.


So yeah, sometimes I’m the weird asshole, and he’s left trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head.  Which, for some reason, amuses me to no fucking end.



ME:  Ugh.  I have to pee.
HIM:  —
ME:  And my feet are sweaty.
HIM:  …
ME:  …
HIM:  (tilts head) …
ME:  …
HIM:  (looks to ceiling for answers)  …
ME:  …
HIM:  … Okay.  (nods, apparently coming to some conclusion)  Not related.
ME:  (emits stream of hysterical giggles)


cartoon dog (Mutley) giggling with paw to mouth




9 comments on “Totally Unrelated

  1. It could be related. Are you sure your feet were sweaty and not actually wet? You could have already peed and not known it…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe you were extra sweaty because your body had to get rid of the fluids somehow? You should learn to pant. That’s how dogs do it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. *Could* be related if someone’s been slipping you organophosphates. I mean, you never know…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t assume people can hear my internal thought process, but I really wish they could. Way too often my husband is all “what are you thinking about?” and I find myself saying “oh, nothing” or “definitely you” because you can’t just say “a conversation between a robot and a cat” without explaining how you got there from whatever you was talking about five minutes earlier and gosh darn that gets tiring. I mean, I did that train of thought once. Must I really backtrack? I think I spend half my conversation time explaining my tangent processes.

    Liked by 1 person

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