My Loving Grinch

 

The Christmas tree is finally down, but I’m pretty sure if I spin this right I can get a doctor’s note to let me leave it up year ‘round—or at least much longer—next year.

 

 

In the past, Husband and Offspring have made taking the holly jolly down and stripping the house of joy for another 10 months a team effort, but Offspring is off doing army things

two tanks, one parked halfway up the back of the other. Soldiers gather around to look at the scene, and the word bubble above one reads, "Sir, I understand we are short on supplies, but mating the tanks?"

 

and couldn’t help this year.  Which left the task to Husband, who—between scheduling issues, fibromyalgia, and a weakness for my big tear-filled cartoon eyes—didn’t exactly hop to it.  But this weekend it was finally time when I shuffled past the tree and found myself sneering at fallen ornaments and needles rather than smiling and blissfully ignoring same.

 

 

ME:  Honey?  It’s time.
HIM:  (contained, as if he hasn’t been waiting for this moment)  Yup.  I was just thinking about how we’d do it.
ME:  Okay.
HIM:  I can take everything off—
ME:  (whimpers)
HIM:  (hurriedly)  And get it out of the house, but I will need you to actually pack them up the way you like.
ME:  (tears up)
HIM:  Okay?
ME:  I just… I can’t think of anything sadder than putting away Christmas ornaments alone.
HIM:  I can be out there with you.
ME:  And help?
HIM:  (sighs)  And maybe help.
ME:  (sniffs)  I don’t know…
HIM:  Okay, well you go ahead and stay back here.  Maybe play Spyro* for a while.  I’m just gonna go… do some things.
ME:  Nothing that will make me sad!
HIM:  Noooo… nothing like that.  Just… don’t come out for a while, okay?

 

 

And he disappeared for a while, popping back in to check on me a few times and bring me lunch when I got hungry.  The only sounds I heard from the front of the house were Alexander Hamilton yelling at him (probably for messing with the tree) and him yelling back (probably because Ham got the idea it was now acceptable to mess with the tree).

surrounded by fire "this is fine" cartoon

 

Then he was done and went to have a lie-down, because our poison tree has not gotten any kinder and pokey things are the absolute worst for his pain.  I, meanwhile, had developed a migraine** and joined him.  But then I decided that a snack would help me process my meds faster (and buffer against some of the side-effects) so I braved the scene of the crime.

 

 

ME:  So I went out just now to have a snack, but we do still need to talk about dinner.
HIM:  K.
ME:  Also, I went out all prepared, because you warned me it was not great.
HIM:  Okay…
ME:  And… I was surprised.  I was like, “Oh!  This isn’t sad at all!”
HIM:  I didn’t say it was terrible
ME:  No, but—they’re all organized, and neatly stacked like they’re waiting for something.
HIM:  They are.  They’re waiting for the next Christmas tree.
ME:  Yeah… I guess I just wasn’t expecting…
HIM:  I don’t know what you think I do—
ME:  I have this vision of you just ripping things off and tossing them aside—
HIM:  That is not how I would treat your ornaments—
ME:  Or just—you know—shaking the tree until everything falls off.
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  (shrugs)
HIM:  Yeah, that’s not how I do it.

 

 

I’m still not thrilled that he insists, every year, on dismantling and dismembering my beautiful Christmas tree.  But, I suppose if your hard work—your blood, sweat, and creative tears—must be destroyed annually, look for a murderer who treats your work with love and reverence.

 

And who kisses you when he’s done doing it.

kissing in pink heart

 

 

 

* Spyro Reignited was one of my Christmas presents, because nostalgia and video games and dragons are my three favorite things.  Cannot recommend enough, especially if you remember the originals fondly.  I marveled for the longest time at how it looks exactly how I remember, until I realized it looks so much better than the original—it just looks the way I remember the original, if that makes sense?

** Which I still had the next day, and is the basis for my theory that my body might be physically addicted to Christmas.  Hence the doctor’s note, which DON’T THINK I WON’T TRY.

 

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9 comments on “My Loving Grinch

  1. Good luck with the doctor’s note 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t let that one go! You have the best husband ever. Mine would rather be burned at the stake than help me with any sort of decorating.. or undecorating!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Karen says:

    Soooooo I’m like you. The Christmas tree should be up all year.

    I just love having a tree with lights. I love the ornaments but it’s the lights that really work their magic on me. As a kid, I would lay on the couch with the house all dark and the Christmas tree lights on and just be mesmerized by their twinkling. I’d fall asleep like that. Every night. It was a ritual. We would put the tree up on Thanksgiving’s day and take it down on New Year’s day… and I hated taking it down! 😦

    Anywho, I get around the “whole take it down” thing now because I found these pre-lit 6′ skinny trees that are in ornamental containers (very classy). Granted they are skinnier then a normal Christmas tree BUT there are 2 of them so together they are the size of a full tree (very sneaky). They easily could go outside on the porch on both sides of the front door… yet they are inside our family room on both sides of the sliding door and every night I turn them on with a special remote from the couch… and they absolutely make me so freaking HAPPY. Sure, the ornaments are off now, but I still have 2 trees!! and lights!! STILL!!

    So yeah… I, all innocent-like, tell my honey that they’re just ornamental trees now and should definitely stay up and he nods and gives me the look (because he’s not entirely sure that they’re still not Christmas trees masquerading as ornamental trees LOL). Ahhh word semantics… gotta love it.

    But I have beautiful twinkling lighted trees all year now =)

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are a freakin’ GENIUS and I’m totally going to embrace the pre-lit pencil trees next year. Well… fake trees are hit-or-miss and overpriced before Christmas, so I may wait for an after-Christmas sale, but then? Watch out!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Karen says:

        I initially found them at a Home Depot store just before Christmas 2017… and they sold like hot-cakes even the damn floor model. /sighs.

        We scoured the entire state of Ohio (and parts of Michigan, Pennsylvania and Indiana) trying to find them… to no avail.

        This year, however, I was ready! I found them online at Home Depot… Oh did I mention that mine even came with really realistic-looking pine cones?? Well they do!! Again, sort of a sneaky “ornament” that’s totally natural =D.

        Anywho, I found them online at Home Depot for a ridiculously expensive price. And since I had already planned on buying two, I waited and plotted. BINGO! 3 days before Christmas, they were 50% off with 2 day free shipping!! AND! I used a credit card that gave me an additional 10% off. I could not buy them fast enough LOL

        Soooooo the day before Christmas, they were delivered. I cleverly placed them on both sides of the sliding doors but did not put ornaments on them. Our “official” Christmas tree was in front of the sliding door. So when New Year’s day came around, I packed up the Official Christmas tree and left the 2 trees with lights and pine cone ornaments (my honey seriously underestimates my level of sneaky).

        And now I have beautiful twinkling lighted ornamented trees all year long =) BOOYAH!

        Liked by 2 people

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