Stuffing Fluffies

 

Sometimes I swear he says shit just to get a reaction out of me.

Barney Stinson "Whaaaaaat?!"

And by “reaction” I mean get me to blog about him.  So he can be Internet Famous.  Which makes you all his enablers.  Not me—I’m his wife, and legally obligated to support his bullshit for as long as it amuses me to do so—but y’all need to do some deep thinkin’ about what sort of behavior you want to encourage in the people who design the things that fly over your damned heads all day long.

 

diagram showing how planes fly: magic (by lefthandedtoons)

Because if I had his job?  This.  At every meeting.

 

And yes, I’m aware that it’s a little hypocritical for me, the woman who can’t be arsed to put a leash on her own mouth—because where’s the fun in that I ask you—to sit in judgment of him for saying random shit just to get a rise or a little attention from strangers.  But what is my giant ass for if not sitting, and what is this quirky eyebrow for if not judging, hmm?

 

Victoria Justice waggles her eyebrows in an alternating wave

 

Right.  So I’m not going to bother to set the scene for you or offer any context.

 

Why?

 

Because I didn’t get any.  You’re being thrown into this situation exactly as it occurred.  Welcome to my world, bitches.

 

 

ME:  (to A.Ham)  He’s just the fluffiest and the puffiest!
ME:  (to Husband)  What would you think if you saw a cat fluffier than Ham?
HIM:  I would say, it’s so fluffy I want to die!
ME:  …
HIM:  … Because it would be so fluffy.
ME:  …
HIM:  …And I would…
ME:  I would know that it was the stuffed animal of Alexander Hamilton.
HIM:  Oh yeah.  But then would you want it?
ME:  Of course!  (ruffling Hammies)  He would cuddle it.
HIM:  Sooo… then you’d have a stuffy of your fluffy puffy puppy cat?
ME:  Uh-huh!
HIM:  (nods)
ME:  (pets Ham)
HIM:  … I wonder why they never thought of calling Build-a-Bear Workshop “Stuff-a-Fluff”
ME:  Because it sounds perverted!
HIM:  (laughs)
ME:  Seriously, if they’d named it that there’s no chance people wouldn’t come in every day expecting to have sex with those empty furry things.
HIM:  They’ve never stopped me before!
ME:  (wide-eyed)  I’m blogging that.

 

(Emperor's New Groove) Kronk looks to camera, grins, declares "Mission Accomplished" and walks off screen.

 

 

 

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4 comments on “Stuffing Fluffies

  1. E T says:

    Feel free to ignore this comment if it is too linky—
    Have you heard of Cuddle Clones? They make plushy replicas of your pets: https://cuddleclones.com

    And because I love to spam, here is a link to the blog post a friend of mine made about the clone of her strangely built dog, Brisbane: http://www.thedoggeek.com/2016/08/cuddle-clones-custom-stuffed-version-of.html?m=1

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have heard of these… I love the idea, but I also worry that when my baby is gone (which, of course, will never happen; they’re all going to live forever) having one of these around might be a constant source of sadness. But then, what if it made me really really happy instead?

      Like

  2. alawrenceg says:

    I think you’re right. He must want internet fame. And if he denies it, don’t believe him.

    Liked by 1 person

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