“Reassuring”

 

I would like to address this comment, to which I did not reply directly because I was busy accumulating evidence.

Comment on this blog: "And yet no matter how hard I try and reassure you, you always seem to get more stressed. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? Nah. I can't be wrong."

Yep, that’s him.

 

Now, I saw that comment and had to laugh; that’s my little smartass, doing his level best to make me look like the crazy overprotective mother[1].

 

Which gives me all the excuse I need to tell you just how reassuring he’s been these past weeks since his arrival at Fabulous Bagram, Afghanistan.

 

 

vegas-style sign reads, "Welcome to Fabulous Bagram"

 

OFFSPRING:  Apparently there was another IDF alarm—well, I say “apparently,” but I woke up for this one.
ME:  Oh?  That’s good—you’re getting more aler—
OFFSPRING:  So I poked my head out the door to see which side they were—
ME:  OH MY GOD.
OFFSPRING:  What?
ME:  Don’t do that!
OFFSPRING:  Do what?
ME:  When they announce there are rockets being fired at you, DO NOT GO OUTSIDE TO LOOK!
OFFSPRING:  HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE THEM?
ME:  Jesus, protect my boy from his own stupid brain.
OFFSPRING:  What’s that?
ME:  Nothing. Look, just… promise me you’ll stay safe.
OFFSPRING:  I swear on my life—
ME:  Uh-uh.  I’m not falling for that.  Swear on something you value.  Swear on… (looks around for inspiration)
A. HAM: PRRRT?
ME:  Swear on the rumplefurs and the rumblepurrs.
OFFSPRING:  Oh, come on—
ME:  Swear it!
OFFSPRING:  (huffs)  … I swear.
ME:  You’ll be safe?
OFFSPRING:  I’ll… try.
ME:  You’ll come home alive?  To your mama who loves you and worries?
OFFSPRING:  I promise.

 

 

A word on rumplefurs, because I know you also love Offspring so that probably gave you a mini panic attack as well and you could use the diversion.

 

Alexander Hamilton, we’ve all agreed, has the most amazing furs available on a domestic feline.  All of them.  All the varieties.  He also manufactures something humans have been unable to replicate, an adorably muppet-like disheveled fur that begs for—and is immediately ruined by—petting.

fluffy orange cat in repose; labeled with all the important bits, like rumplefurs and sawf lion paws and toe tufts and face full of kisses

Anatomy of a Ham.  (Not shown: Extravagant Tail)

 

We call it rumplefurs, and it’s our favorite thing, along with his crazy-loud purr, which rumbles through the house when he’s particularly pleased with his family and his place in it, which occurs several times a day.  Thus we are treated to the dual pleasures of rumblepurrs and rumplefurs on the regular.

 

Unless we’re in a war zone, in which case we need to not get ourselves blown the shit up so we can come home.

 

Seems obvious, right?

Chris Harrison nodding, says "... right."

Not to Offspring.

 

 

 

OFFSPRING:  IDF started while I was at work—
ME:  Well, at least you were safe.
OFFSPRING:  … so I took advantage of the opportunity and climbed up on the roof to watch.
ME:  …
OFFSPRING:  …
ME:  Don’t ever do that again.
OFFSPRING:  It was cool! [2]
ME:  Don’t.
OFFSPRING:  It’s fine—
ME:  Not ever.
OFFSPRING:  But—
ME:  No.
OFFSPRING:  But Mooooooom!
ME:  NO!

 

 

 

 

[1] Which, for the record, I would totally be… if he would settle down and be a normal, reasonable human. But won’t and he’s not and here we are.

[2] Reassurance: expert mode.

 

 

 

16 comments on ““Reassuring”

  1. You know, just a post or two ago you were bitterly criticizing the husband for failing to take full advantage of the gastronomic and other adventure opportunities of travel. Now here’s Offspring, who has probably grown up hearing you ranting about the importance of fully engaging in the Travel Experience, trying to live according to the tenets you’ve pounded into his little child brain, and you’re bitching at him? What kind of mother ARE you???

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rivergirl says:

    Are you sure he’s really even in Afghanistan? Maybe he’s actually at TGIFriday’s in Taiwan.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Sherry Bucalo says:

    Well, he is your son…..

    Like

  4. Victor K says:

    At least he can tell you where he is. When my wife’s cousin deployed he spent 8 months in undisclosed locations with (at best) calls home every 4 to 6 weeks. Take heart you don’t have that to go through.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That right there is my actual nightmare. And we’ve talked about what will happen when (not if, because it’s a certainty) he’s sent out and can’t tell me where. Probably in the next few, which means I’ll be sleep-deprived on top of the perfectly understandable anxiety. We’ve worked out a system by which he sends me proof of life on the regular and I agree not accidentally commit treason in my quest to locate my son.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Cat says:

    Anyone who would say “But Mooooooom!” is not old enough to be in the way of explodey things. If I thought it’d do any good, I’d suggest you present this to the appropriate people as proof that he should be sent somewhere nice and safe and non-explodey.

    (((Hugs)))

    Like

  6. I missed your post…hope offspring Unit stays safe! Will be adding to the prayers, and Rumplefurs is friggin adorable.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s