Drama Confidential

 

It is very frustrating for me, as you know, to have… things… going on here—important things—of which I cannot keep you informed.

 

But every time I reach for my phone or laptop in a blind rage about The Thing I’m just about tackled by Husband and a full legal team.

Man in suit making shh gesture (finger to lips)

 

 

Suffice it to say I spend a lot of my alone hours having quiet conversations with the absence of my father.  Specifically, I talk about his final wishes and his anxiety over the thought that his family would be torn apart by “fighting.”  I did caution him, back when he was alive, that the best way to prevent any such outcome was by handing things over to an attorney but he was sure he’d made all the right choices.  Or at least that he couldn’t go back on the choices he’d made together with his wife.

 

So here we are.  And yep, there’s a fight.

 

Do I want the money?  No.  It’s gross and for all I care the lawyers can swallow it up.  But I’ll be damned if I let them get away with what they’re trying to do—after what they’ve already done.[1]

 

I can’t report to you every time I get an upsetting email or text, or every time there’s an encouraging development.  I can’t even relay the Conversations where Husband and I strategize and crack wise, because all of it falls under the heading of “ongoing legal matter” and if they’re going to continue to go on the record as the Official Villains of this saga then I must always, always be the Good One.  The one who is Correct.  The one who does what you are supposed to do when these things get complicated: throw money at a suit with sharp teeth and scream “HELP!

cartoon shark as a lawyer with suit and briefcase

 

I can’t write about all of that, which is a daily thing around here, but…

 

Since I’m being suitably vague, I can tell you that my (now ex) stepbrother and I are still not getting on, right?  I mean, that’s pretty common, isn’t it?  Nothing to do with anything, that.

Calvin and Hobbs frame shows Calvin at his school desk reclining, arms behind his head, saying, "I love loopholes"

 

 

PHONE:  (rings, in defiance of ungodly hour)
ME:  (paws at phone, glares at caller ID)
HIM:  (sleepily)  Mmfftz?
ME:  Oh, FUCK YOU!
HIM:  (sits up quickly, frowns)  Oh, Kenny.
ME:  (rejects call)
HIM:  What’s he want?
ME:  Dunno, but he can tell it to my voicemail.  He knows he’s not supposed to call.
HIM:  He thinks there’s no record that way.
ME:  I told him I record my calls.
HIM:  Yeah, but he’s stupid.

 

 

And, since that’s no secret… and neither is the fact that I’ve retained legal assistance (lawyers are tools of the devil, but I’ll still pay top dollar to make sure mine is the sharpest tool in hell) I can mention that I’m utterly fucking baffled at some of the choices idiots make without saying which idiots or what they’ve done, yeah?

 

 

ME:  (relays recent dumassery)
AUDREY:  Aww… he didn’t like your surprise?
ME:  I TOLD HIM I WAS GETTING A LAWYER!
AUDREY:  (laughs)
ME:  I literally said, “I’ve spoken to several lawyers, and this is what they all advised; you need to Do The Thing.”  How was it then a surprise when he got a call from my lawyer?
AUDREY:  Because he’s an idiot?
ME:  IT’S NOT A SURPRISE PARTY IF I SEND OUT SAVE-THE-DATE CARDS!
AUDREY:  And you’re a liar.
ME:  Shit, I forgot.
AUDREY:  And forgetful!
ME:  A forgetful liar.
AUDREY:  Such a terrible combination.

 

 

 

 

 

[1] So vague, I know.  I’m sorry; I can’t do better.  Someday I will—I promise.

 

 

 

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17 comments on “Drama Confidential

  1. Jeffy says:

    Dear Chase. I’ve been wondering how it was all going in the background. I hope your sharks have the nattiest suits and biggest teeth.
    Keep being fabulous and haunty in the meantime. Hugs from the antipodes.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Rivergirl says:

    I’m sorry to hear you’re still dealing with this idiot and his fuckery. I hope your shark has sharp teeth and swallows him while.
    Fun fact? Spellcheck kept changing fuckery to duckery. Is that really any better?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Allison says:

    Horrid, AWFUL people. Your (thankfully EX!) stepbrother and your uncle both. HORRID. I hope they both get eaten by wolves. Or lawyers with sharp teeth, either way. Sorry, Chase, I really hope you eventually get some peace from these assholes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I go back and forth on the value of “peace” to me, personally, and wondering if just walking away from the whole mess is the way to go. Then I remember that’s exactly what they’re expecting me to do, what they’re counting on, and I get mad all over again.

      Like

  4. May I suggest – and I do this in the purest spirit of rubbernecking inquisitiveness – that you write the posts anyway? Just don’t post them … yet.

    Also, this sucks and I’m sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sherry Bucalo says:

    So my hubby has family like this. His mother 2nd husband is still missing, so fi you’d like me to ask how they did that…….. LOL Definately a direct convo to have

    Liked by 1 person

  6. emmaclaire says:

    OMG, the douchebaggery never ends!! Let the lawyers handle it, by all means. It will all be baffling to the unnamed parties unless the firm has someone in the office with a kid in kindergarten to translate it into single-syllable words, right? Grrr…will be patiently waiting for the rest of the story…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow, that shitshow is still going on?!
    I wish you the best of luck and hope their lawyers are like tiny little puppies that your shark can just devour and be done with it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now that I’m in a mess like this, I realize there are two types of people in the world: those who have experience with a mess like this and nod along, saying, “Of course it’s getting messier!” and those who haven’t, and are saying, “Oh my god, that’s STILL not finished? Why are people such assholes?”

      Short answer: money. Which, of course, only winds me up because IT’S NOT EVEN AN AMOUNT OF MONEY WORTH BEING AN ASSHOLE OVER, DAMMIT!

      Like

  8. OMG, I’m just happy to learn that others have batshit crazy stuff happening in their families. We’re going on 2 years of an estate being settled. There was a will. There was a trust. However, there were people involved who decided that the will shouldn’t apply to them. So here we are, almost 2 years later, a team of lawyers involved, and people with whom we hope to never have contact again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What IS IT with people deciding the rules don’t apply to them?! Seriously, just… If the law says you have to do this and then this and then this, DO THE THINGS IN THAT ORDER, FUCKFACE! And, if you could, while you’re at it? Maybe STOP STEALING FROM ME? I just think that would be swell. kthxbai.

      Liked by 1 person

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