His Pattern Recognition

 

I’ll say this for engineers: given fifteen years of marriage and five years of blogging, they start to notice patterns.

computer screen; numbers cascading down in a seemingly random pattern

 

 

ME:  Ooh, I forgot my phone.
HIM:  So you can’t take notes?
ME:  …
HIM:  So I can say anything I want and it won’t end up on your blog?
ME:  Can you go back for my phone?
HIM:  Seriously?  You’re worried I’ll say something that brilliant—
ME:  No, I think you’ll say something that stupid.
HIM:  Yeah, that’s more likely.  (goes back for phone)

 

 

Back in the early days of the facebook page—before I got bullied into an actual blog[1]—Husband would intentionally say Things, his excuse being that he was offering me more material.

jennifer lawrence sarcastic "okay, sure"

 

As if he needed the excuse?

 

These days I’m more likely to get a huff and an eyeroll if he sees me making notes in my phone.

 

Which, of course, only leads to me sneaking around… but then he reads the blog and figures it out.

Han Solo stunned, realizing something that should have been obvious (no spoilers)

 

Like I said, engineers notice stuff!

 

 

ME:  Look, I’ve been thinking about it and we definitely have six feet for a fish tank on this wall if we just—
HIM:  Is there smoke in the air or is that just a weird effect of the light?
ME:  (looks up)  The light is weird today.  (impatiently)  If we move—
HIM:  Because I’m seeing— (waves hand)
ME:  Yeah, and there’s a little smoke.  Waaaay up there.  Which you can only see because of the weird light.  Can we focus on the tank issue?  Because if we move—
HIM:  Why is there smoke?  (sniffs around in kitchen)
ME:  ARE YOU GOING TO GET LIKE THIS EVERY TIME I MAKE A SALAD?![2]
HIM:  …
ME:  …
HIM:  I’m not going to respond to that.
ME:  (smug)
HIM:  Because I know it’ll just end up on your blog.
ME:  (smuggest)

 

 

 

 

 

 

[1] Al, have I thanked you for that lately? Because seriously, thank you!

[2] Oh yeah, we’ve had this one before.  I should probably explain but I’m hella tired.
 

 

 

2 comments on “His Pattern Recognition

  1. Arionis says:

    At least your husband reads your blog. Still trying to decide if the fact that my wife doesn’t read mine is a good or bad thing. Probably a good thing as evidenced by the last post I did.

    Liked by 1 person

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