Current Status: Ded

 

Apologies in advance, but I’m turning in a sub-par performance.

Tommy Lee Jones peering around a paper; meme reads: I am surprised. This is my surprised face. (he is not surprised)

Shut up.

 

 

There is a phenomenon that doesn’t really effect Normal People, known as Post-Haunt Plague.

biohazard sign: INFECTIOUS KEEP OUT

 

This is where a haunter comes off a long, stressful season and breathes exactly one sigh of relief before their body leaves a note

post-it note reads: Hey! Remember all that crap you put me through and all those GERMS you exposed me to? Yeeeeaaaah...

 

and gives out entirely.

 

So while I need to have spent this week cleaning my disaster of a home and preparing to go out of town this weekend, what I’m actually fit for is:

 

  • Lying in bed
  • Moaning miserably
  • Sweating and shivering
  • Wondering why—whyyyyyyy—I stopped keeping ice cream in the house

 

But you deserve something, right?

 

Hmm… how ‘bout a classic sort of thing that happens all the time but specifically happened this week?

 

 

ME:  What’cha doin?
HIM:  I’m gonna go do the thing.
ME:  … What?
HIM:  (holds up Dremel)
ME:  Oh.  The (gestures)
HIM:  Yeah.  But I did the thing.
ME:  Okay, we can’t both do that.  One of us needs to use our words, or our marital communication will fall apart.
HIM:  That’s already happened!  Because you do the thing!
ME:  Right, but when I do it, you know what words I’m not using!
HIM:  I really don’t!
ME:  Okay, but I know what I’m talking about.
HIM:  So?
ME:  So that’s more than half of us!
HIM:  …
ME:  (smug)  Yeah.  You’ve got nothing

 

 

 

5 comments on “Current Status: Ded

  1. Christina says:

    Get well soon Chase!

    My other half and I have conversations like this. Or there’s the ones where I make a statement that is (to him) out of the blue, completely forgetting that he hasn’t been privy to the conversation that has previously gone on in my head, that lead to the statement being uttered out loud. Pity. They’re usually pretty interesting conversations.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. lariatlarge says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Actual LOL.

    Like

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