It’s not, as you’ve probably guessed, a baby shark.
But leaving Offspring guessing about what I was plotting here while he nobly battles red tape and ignorance in support of… whatever it is we’re doing over there. I’ve honestly forgotten.
PETSTORE EMPLOYEE: So what are you going to keep in the tank?
PE: (stares, horrified)
PE: So… any fish will be eaten.
ME: Well… I mean… sure, some. That’s why I’m putting the fish in first.
ME: To give them a fighting chance. You know—they’ll get the lay of the land, learn the hiding spots, the shortcuts… but yeah, we need stuff that’s quick, zippy, nimble… and clever, at least for a fish.
PE: So… (huffs, overwhelmed) well definitely not these, then.
ME: Noooo… (eyeballs pretty glowfish) So pretty but— (taps glass)
FISH: (do not react)
ME: Wow. You really bred the stupid into them along with the color, didn’t you?
PE: Yeah, those would be some pretty expensive snacks.
ME: Whereas if we went with something like these (points) I’m thinking as long as they have the lay of the land a good few weeks ahead of time, they might have a fighting chance.
ME: You know, when the actual dinosaur arrives.
PE: (laughs) Maybe… and hey, the ones that do will truly be the fittest!
Yes, I’m Hunger Gamesing my aquarium.
Well, not really. It’s more the first and ongoing Darwin Games.
ME: I figure we’ll start off with a few hardier species, wild-type, nothing bred to be pretty or flashy… and remember that some of them will get eaten.
ME: But those that survive will be our champions! We’ll name them, sing songs about them—
HIM: How ‘bout we just keep feeding them?
ME: That too.
It will surprise exactly none of you to learn how we went about deciding we needed to add a six-foot piece of water-filled furniture to our already cramped home.
ME: I’ve been thinking about it, doing the research on the sort of space he’ll need.
HIM: Okay… I’m sure whatever you decide will be—
ME: And I think the only reasonable thing is to buy a 125-gallon tank.
ME: And a stand, of course.
HIM: That’s what seems reasonable to you?
HIM: We have very different definitions of that word.
 Yes, there are freshwater shark species that stay small. I submit they are not “real” sharks; fight me, zoologists.
 For now.